Vulpecula
by TheDrunkenWerewolf
Summary: An Heirverse anthology put together by TheFoxpack and myself spanning the entire series to celebrate its 10 year anniversary. Notes inside.
1. Epidemic

a/n: meta fiction piece in celebration of Heirverse's ten year anniversary.

Summary: When the infection starts to invade your body, there's nothing else you can do but let it settle in your bones and accept it. Post order: first P0 Written

by: Ganymede Lullaby

Epidemic

The infection; this disease flowing ever so freely. They say this with complete and utter confidence and pride. It's completely real, very much tangible.

It's spread like a virus through the atmosphere. Airborne and carried like the seeds of a dandelion.

Someone unsuspecting and unaware would have no clue.

This individual, caught so painfully off-guard, having no indication whatsoever of what was about to occur.

Like looking into the moon without anticipating the consequences.

Turning into a giant, ravenous, mindless beast, enslaved by baser instincts. All rational thought gives way to just acting and springing into motion.

Kill or be killed.

Destroy everything in the way.

Claim.

Claim.

Leave a mark as indelible as your very existence.

Show the world that this insane infection is anything but. Reveal how the very concept is an intricately woven contradiction in and of itself.

A person can't be influenced unless their immune system is weak.

An imaginary barrier can't defend against a tangible object. No denying that if nothing is there, then something can't come in and invade.

No attack or hostile takeover, to take no prisoners. No lives can be lost without a battle that won't be fought.

Yet you and I remain as silhouettes creeping over the dunes under the pale glow of light.


	2. Pact

**TheFoxPack A/N:** We own nothing, Wolfie owns Heirverse, Cherry, Tsuku and the Voice.  
Heirverse is turning ten years old! To celebrate TheDrunkenWerewolf let us play in her world for a while and if you haven't read it yet now is a great time to start. We've had a lot of fun writing this and we hope that you enjoy our take on the verse half as much as we've enjoyed writing it.

A massive thanks to Wolfie for letting us do this and to Transbyakuya (ByakuyaKuchiki on A03) for crossposting. A shout out to our awesome packmates for putting up with our obsession. They are very talented and you should R&R them (a full list can be found on Timewaster123456789's profile or on TheFoxPack's profile). Lastly I would like to thank the packmates who wrote for this celebration: Ganymede Lullaby, Timewaster123456789, SesshomaruFreak, Salazar Marvolo, Spunky0ne and HitsugayaKuchiki-HK.

**TDW a/n:** I can't believe my series is 10 years old! the pack are all gems and i do not deserve them :) I feel appropriately old and accomplished and loved. But I'll save the emotional author note when we get to the end. I have a surprise for the pack at the end.

Business: I own nothing. Except for this fic series. Tsuku, Cherry, and the Monster/Voice. Also my everlasting gratitude to the pack: they are too good to me, I deserve none of this from these lot but they insisted :D Big shouts and all my thanks to ByakuyaKuchiki over on ao3 for crossproxying for me - and letting us leech off of his ao3 cred :)

Notes: Original character. Young!Aizen. Foreshadowing. Bad bad decisions made at which the author laughs evilly for reasons. So much fridge horror, if you know the series. Mentions of suicidal thoughts and violence. Somewhat inspired by the webcomic Avas's Demon.

Summary: Aizen, trying to survive in the Rukongai, makes a deal that alters the course of his life forever. Aizen/Voice origin story. Foreshadowing for the whole damn series.

Place in the Timeline: The very beginning :)

oh and before I forget: I am the ProxyMaster, and I approve these stories :) (even though I haven't seen any of them besides my own contributions)

**if you like what you read, please review each chapter individually. My Co's old and new deserve good feedback. Please and thankyou :)**

Alright, that's enough from me. In the words of Freddie Mercury, "the show must go on!"

* * *

**Phase: zero. 'Chessboards'**

"In all those stories about people who sold their souls to the devil, I never quite understood why the devil was the bad guy, or why it was okay to screw him out of his soul. They got what they wanted: fame, money, love, whatever—though usually it turned out not to be what they really wanted or expected. Was that the devil's fault? I never thought so. Like John Wayne said, "Life's tough. It's even tougher when you're stupid."  
― **James Anderson, ****The Never-Open Desert Diner** ]

"They made a deal and they liked the deal, until they had to pay the price."  
― **Brent Weeks, ****The Black Prism**

**Pact**

**(By TheDrunkenWerewolf)**

Sousuke's breath shook as he walked, unsteady on his feet after a fourth day without food. His stomach growled and he clutched it, trying to ignore the pains that only food would cure. He'd been trying for days to get some food. Begging, borrowing, stealing. But it wasn't enough. What little food he _could_ scavenge wasn't even enough for a full meal. And you had to be quick and clever just to get your hands on those scraps. But malnutrition – no, starvation – had made him slow and stupid, and he'd got caught and backhanded more often than not now.

Out of desperation, he'd foolishly tried to steal a pot of stew someone had left out – only to find it belonged to a boy twice his size. He'd tried to run but, he wasn't quick enough. So the boy and his two friends proceeded to beat the living shit out of him. Sousuke just closed his eyes, braved the pain and waited for it to be over.

He only limped away when he was sure the bullies were gone.

He leant against the wall, still sore from the beating, and tried to breathe through the agony crippling his body. He cursed under his breath. "Shit." and pain shot right through him. Followed by a bout of dizziness that sent him down onto the floor.

No, no he couldn't collapse now. He had to get food and water for Yuki. If he didn't, then she'd die too... and he refused to lose his one ally in this world to something as stupid as starvation. Besides, she was sick, and she needed food if she had any chance at all of getting better.

He was just gathering himself together again when he heard the deafening roar from somewhere close by.

"A hollow?" he murmured to himself. Dragging his battered, aching body to its feet. Wishing for all the world that he were stronger.

The line, _ 'Oh, my kingdom for a horse!' _sprang to mind. He didn't know where from. Maybe from a book he read once.

If he were stronger – better – he'd be able to defend himself. Defend his friend, Yuki. Carve out a better life for them both. But as he was now, he couldn't. Because he was useless. Weak. Pathetic. Just another rat in the gutter. He couldn't do anything.

And he loathed it. Loathed himself for being like this.

How many times had he seen his reflection – the skinny boy with the brown hair and dark brown eyes – and thought, _'I can't stand you'?_

He saw the shinigami run past him, giving him as much notice as a speck of dirt under their sandals. He listened numbly to the panic of the civilians, wondering what the point of it all was.

He couldn't find one. He couldn't find a point, and he leant heavily against the wall again.

_If it comes this way, just let it kill me,_ he thought. The thunder in the distance punctuating his pessimism. _Or better yet, let me die right here in the rain when it comes. It'll be quicker than starving to death._

There were shouts in the distance – or at least it felt like they were in the distance – and he closed his eyes. _Come and get me you ugly bastard, _he thought, _free food right here. _

And then he drifted into unconsciousness.

. . .

When he came to a few moments later, he knew the monster was close. He could hear its footsteps, feel it shake the ground with each step it took. What was it doing? Stomping through the district like some gigantic dinosaur? Sousuke would have laughed at that image if he had the energy. It would have been hysterical, insane laughter. But still.

He scrambled to his feet again, cursing himself for passing out, and waited for the beast to come.

He didn't have to wait very long. It came lumbering down the empty street, sniffing the air and licking its lips. Slavering over the fresh meat. It took the form of a large, grizzly bear, black as tar, with elongated teeth and razor sharp claws already covered in blood. And Sousuke knew it must have taken out and eaten the shinigami already. It stared at him for a moment, catching his scent. And Sousuke could see the white grizzly skull that was its head. It sniffed the air and opened its jaws. Drooling over him.

"I smell fresh meat," it growled. "Soft. Juicy. Tender _meat."_

Sousuke was sure this was supposed to terrify him. To make him panic. To make him run. But he felt nothing. Maybe it was because he was just too numb or too tired to care. Or maybe it was because he simply had nothing left to lose.

The beast approached him. Lumbering. Slow. But even Sousuke could see it was a ruse. The beast could move quite quickly, if it so desired.

"Just make it quick," he told it. It snorted, standing over him.

"_You are not afraid, boy?" _it asked.

"No." he answered. "Why should I be? People die here all the time."

"You should be," the hollow answered. "Unless you no longer value your life."

Now Sousuke found the energy to laugh. "Clearly I don't, else I'd be running for my life right now."

The monster looked thoughtful. It studied him carefully, as if weighing his heart. Examining him from every possible angle. Sousuke tried not to shiver under it's intense gaze. Looking right back into those yellow and black pools it called eyes.

Then it just seemed to look amused.

"You are most peculiar," the beast said. "Most of my prey run. Flee in terror."

"I'm not 'most people'" Sousuke answered. And the beast laughed. A sound that chilled him to his bones.

"What do you want?" Sousuke asked it. _Him? _

"What do _**I **_want?" it echoed. "_**I**_ want to know why it is you do not run. Why you do not seem to fear me."

"I have no fear," Sousuke answered, defiant.

It _laughed_ at him. _"**Everyone **_had a fear, lad," it told him. "Try though they might to hide it. I wonder what **yours** is."

Sousuke kept quiet, knowing better than to rise to the bait.

"What do you really want?" he asked the beast.

"Why, what I want is very simple, little boy," it answered, riling Sousuke by calling him '_little boy'._ "I want _blood._ I want _death."_

"Of innocent people?"

"**No, **foolish boy," the beast snarled, "I want the blood of the soul reapers. The _'Gods of Death',_ as they call themselves."

The low growl the grizzly gave when he mentioned the shinigami went right through Sousuke's core. It was a sound full of hatred. Promising horror and death. And the stench of blood and human meat on the beast's breath only made the threat that much more terrifying. Because he knew the beast would make good on those threats and follow through with them.

Nonetheless, Sousuke swallowed thickly and asked the question. "Why?"

The beast _grinned. _"Why do you wish to throw your life away?" it asked. "Law of equivalent exchange, boy. If you want that information, you have to _give_ information."

Sousuke watched the beast smirk – if skulls could even smirk – and answered it. "Fine."

It chuckled again. "You really are an interesting one," it said. And Sousuke watched as the great beast shrank down before him, slowly morphing into a man with strong features, raven hair slightly longer than his own, pale skin, and piercing red eyes. Wearing, of all things, a black shihakusho. Possibly to blend in with the enemy. Although the gaping circular hole directly over the space his heart should be, just visible where the clothes weren't covering him, was a direct giveaway to what he was.

"So tell me," the hollow began. "Why _**do**_ you want to throw away your own life?"

Sousuke paused for a moment. Of course, he knew there was really nothing stopping the hollow from killing him after he'd gotten the information, but there was nothing he could do about that. If he died, then he died. That was that.

"Because what kind of life is this?" Sousuke told it – him - "Fighting for survival. For every scrap of food, every mouthful of water. Dying of starvation in a place nobody's supposed to go hungry. Being too tired and weak to even defend myself."

Sousuke took in a deep breath, trying to quell the anger rising inside him at the unfairness of it all. "Tell me what kind of life is that?"

The hollow just smiled at him knowingly. "You think it's unfair," he said.. it was a statement, not a question.

"Yes." Sousuke hissed. Angry at the system. At the world. "I do."

Sousuke watched him shift expressions ever so subtly to one of pity. "Ha... well, I've got news for ya kiddo," he said soberly. "Life isn't fair. The sooner you learn that, the easier it'll be. It doesn't matter what world you live in, life will find a way to grind you down and take away _everything_ you hold dear. _Everyone _you care about."

Sousuke studied him curiously. "Is that what happened to you?"

"Yes," the hollow replied bitterly. "My whole family was killed. Buy your wretched soul reapers. The shnigami." he spat. "Because of them I lost the only people in the three worlds I was certain I loved.

"who did you lose?" Sousuke asked him. Watching his face move through a mixture of emotions. Grief. Sadness. Longing. Vicious hatred. "My wife. My son." the hollow said. Grief etched into his voice. "Maria. Carlos." The hollow gave a bitter little laugh, then. "They butchered my family. My pregnant wife and my four year old boy, and called it 'keeping the balance'."

"That's horrible," Sousuke said, not knowing what else to say. There was nothing else _**to **_say. Because it was. It was awful.

The hollow snapped. Not at Sousuke, but at the way things were. "This whole fucking world is horrible." he spat again, snarling even n human form.

Sousuke nodded. "The world is cruel."

"No," the hollow answered, "the shinigami are cruel. They kill us because of who we are. For no just reason."

Sousuke watched him snarl, felt the sting of his spiritual pressure, thick and dense, rise around him. He felt it dip again, too, shortly after, when the rage gave way to apathy and grief again.

"They kill us because they can. Because we're _different_." he said, and the quiet tone of his voice was far more terrifying than the snarling rage from before. "I hate them."

"Is that why you killed them?" Sousuke asked. "The shinigami back there?"

The hollow smirked. "Yes," he answered. Casually and simply. He talked about killing like he were talking about the weather. "It is. They deserved to die. All of them deserve to die."

Sousuke studied him. This terrifying creature who looked so outwardly... normal. For the lack of a better word. "You really despise them, don't you?"

"And you don't?" the hollow raised an eyebrow, curious.

Sousuke shrugged. "Well, they do treat us like scum," he admitted. "Well, the ones I know do. The ones that come from nobility... I guess I could say I hate them."

Sousuke watched the hollow's grin broaden considerably. Making him look almost psychotic. _Almost._

"It seems then, you and I share a common enemy," he said. Grinning wolfishly at him.

Sousuke eyed him, immediately suspicious. "What of it?"

The hollow chuckled. "I'd like to propose a _deal."_

"A deal?"

"Yes," the hollow answered smoothly. "Something that would benefit both of us."

"How?"

"Well, _you_ hate the shinigami... _I _hate the shingami..." the hollow said casually. "It makes sense we join forces."

Sousuke had to think about that for a moment. Did he _**really**_ hate the shinigami?

No.

No, he just hated how this world worked. How unfair it was. And besides, something inside him said it was a bad idea to trust the hollow.

"No thanks," he answered, and turned to walk away. Forcing himself to walk normally despite the agony he was in from the beating. He still had his pride. And it was always a bad idea to show your weaknesses.

He only made it a few steps before the hollow spoke again. "Really? There's nothing you want? Nothing that'll make it worth considering?"

Sousuke stopped n his tracks, and looked back. "Not unless you can make me strong enough to claw my way out of this shithole, no."

He watched that wolfish smirk widen deviously again. "Oh." the hollow smiled. "Who says I can't?"

_That _made Sousuke think twice. "How?" he asked, wheeling round to face him. "How can you possibly do that?"

"Oh, I have my ways," the hollow told him, smirking like a devil. Perhaps he was a devil. Maybe even _the _devil. "I could lend you my power, transfer some of it over to you..."

Sousuke was astounded. "You can really do that?" he asked, taking a step closer. "Make me stronger?" _Give me a way out of this hellhole? _

The hollow smirked. "I can do anything."

Sousuke swallowed. He knew he should be suspicious, wary even, but he'd craved power for _so_ long... it was hard to resist an offer like that. Too many years of being at the bottom of the food chain, he supposed.

"Will you do it?" he asked bravely. Stupidly. Ignoring the part of him saying to be suspicious and that this was a very bad idea and that he should go home right now. To run, not walk, away because this would only end in tears. Because the part of him that wanted power, needed it, craved it, hungered for it, shouted the loudest.

But the hollow just cackled at him. "Law of equivalent exchange, boy," he said. Smirking again. Sousuke was beginning to think it was his default expression. "I do nothing for free."

Sousuke didn't even hesitate. "What do you want?"

The hollow's smirk turned devilish, hungry even, and for just a moment Sousuke feared he'd be asked for his soul. "Revenge," he said instead.

Sousuke swallowed the lump in his throat that he suspected was terror. "Revenge?"

"Yes," the hollow purred. "Revenge. I want blood. As payment for my wife and son's deaths. I want the shinigami to suffer. And I want you to help me."

"And how do you want me to help you?"

The hollow chuckled. "Ah, now that, my dear boy, is simple. I want you to be my eyes and ears. I want you to bring them down from the inside. Decimate their forces. Turn them all against each other."

"Like a mole?"

"Yes, like a _mole."_ the hollow smiled. "It should be easy to do. Even a child like you could do it. And with my power, well... you'd be unstoppable."

Sousuke was awed by the concept. Him. Unstoppable. They'd all have to kneel at his feet and call him God. They'd all live at his mercy and do his bidding...

"Unstoppable?" he echoed.

"Well... _**almost **_unstoppable."

Sousuke digested this. _Power. Unstoppable. _He wouldn't be a weakling anymore... it was a no-brainer, really.

But how would that even work?

"_So," _the hollow said. "Do we have a deal?"

Sousuke watched him carefully. Searching for any hints of falseness. _There were none._

"And just how do we make this deal?" he asked.

The hollow smiled at him. "It's really very simple." he said. "When two souls each have a deep desire, they can form a pact to combine their powers to fulfll those desires." the hollow explained. "When both are fulfilled, the two souls separate permanently, and continue their lives as nature intended. So if you have a desire, I can fulfil it."

Sousuke nodded. "Power." he said. "That's my desire. I want power. I want to be strong." _I'm sick of being weak. _"Can you give me that?"

The hollow grinned. "I can give you all the power in the _world."_ he said. "I can give you power to rival even the strongest shinigami. But in exchange... you must help me get my revenge" The hollow smiled again and held out his hand. "Deal?"

Sousuke thought about it for a moment. Bringing down the shinigami... was it even possible? _Even a child could do it, _the hollow had said. And Sousuke smiled. Yes, it would be easy... _wouldn't it?_

"Before we shake on it," Sousuke said, "Tell me your name. I like to know the names of people I make deals with." _particularly if I'm giving up a good chunk of my time getting revenge for them. _

The hollow smirked, red eyes full of life and fire, "Jacinto Alejandro," he answered. "What's yours?"

"Sousuke Aizen."

"Well, Sousuke," Jacinto said, grinning absolutely devilishly, still holding out his hand. "Do we have a pact?"

Sousuke took a deep breath and shook his pale hand, feeling the hollow's – Jacinto's – grip firm. _Like a bear trap. _There would be no running away now, even if he wanted to.

"Excellent!" Jacinto grinned. Somewhat maniacal. "I promise you won't regret this."

Not long after that, he started fading away. Disintegrating, almost. And Sousuke could only watch as Jacinto was seemingly erased from existence, until he was left just holding the empty air. He had to blink a few times just to make sure he wasn't seeing things - - or imagining them. But no. the hollow really was gone.

That's when he heard that laugh. Inside his head.

_Looking for me?_ Jacinto asked, very much amused by his confusion.

Sousuke's eyes widened. "You're... inside my head?"

Jacinto laughed again. _Well, I did say the pact would combine our powers..._ he said. _Tell me, do you feel stronger?_

Sousuke took a moment to see if he felt any different. Clenching and unclenching his fist and examining it. Feeling a hell of a lot more spiritual energy flowing through him than before. "Now that you mention it... I do feel different. Stronger."

He felt Jacinto nod, which was strange in itself. _Good. It worked, then._

"What do you mean, _'it worked, then'?_" Sousuke asked, annoyed. "You mean you weren't even sure it would** _work?!"_**

_There's always a certain risk involved with these things,_ Jacinto admitted, begrudgingly. _Not that it matters. It worked, didn't it? You have power. Quit complaining. I gave you what you wanted._

Sousuke wasn't entirely convinced. "And you're sure now?"

_Try it for yourself since you clearly distrust me,_ Jacinto said, huffing in annoyance. _Try and summon some spiritual energy._

Sousuke looked at his hand again, and focused. Concentrating. Sure enough, a glowing ball of blue energy began forming.

"Whoa, it's true... I do have power."

_See? _Jacinto sassed. _**Now **__do you believe it? _

"Yes," Sousuke said. "I believe it."

_Good. _Jacinto said, and Sousuke could feel his impatience. _Now, use that power, and do **exactly** as I say. _

"And what happens if I don't?" Sousuke asked him. "What happens if I can't manage to get your revenge for you and the pact fails?"

_Oh,_ the hollow said, and Sousuke could feel it grin, feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end as it spoke. _Wouldn't you like to know?_

And then it laughed, amused at its own joke. That same bonechilling laugh, dark and hellish, echoing inside his skull long after the creature had stopped cackling.


	3. Cycle

**A/n: I own nothing. TheDrunkenWerewolf owns heirverse and much thanks to her for letting me muck around in phase 0 and to SesshomaruFreak for grammar hounding.**

**Takes place after pact. Written to 'Mindgames' by Sickkick, 'Become the Beast' by Karliene, 'I am a Rock' by Simon and Garfunkel, 'Devil Within' by Digital Daggers. It could also be argued that I based this on the WH40k Ultramarines novel Nightbringer but that wasn't intentional.**

* * *

**Cycle**

**(by Timewaster123456789)**

A young man in his late teens strides through the streets of Rukongai. A few admiring hanger's on follow, despite his barely veiled disdain and others seeking protection, metaphorically cower in his aura. The teen exudes power, confidence, a heavy dose of charisma with just enough aloofness that they feel privileged to be in his 'circle'. He's even dressed nicely for the district thanks to receiving a cut from his entourage's crimes. So how has the teen arrived in this enviable position? How has he transformed from the weak filth he's so disgusted by? We must go back a few years.

X

For six months following the pact he'd strutted like a king through the streets that had once been his hell, he felt like a god, with nothing to fear, it was exhilarating. So far Jac hadn't asked him to do anything except occasionally watch the Shinigami in secret as they moved through the Rukon. He was fascinated by his newfound ability to cloak his reiatsu and used it to steal first food and then other things.

In short order he had a small gang of street rats around him. He hadn't even really done anything yet and already people were kneeling to him. One night he was walking to his hideout, he checked around constantly to see if he had been followed. He didn't trust his gang enough to let them know where he slept much less bed down with them. A pair of teenage boys approached him as he cut down an alley.

"Ay bitch," the taller called out. He kept walking.

"I think ya' ow us some money richie," the other sneered. He gritted his teeth who did these idiots think they were? No one talked to him like that.

"I don't. Leave. Now," he replied calmly not turning around. One of them pushed him down and he hit the ground hard, his spiritual pressure flared instinctively pushing them back. He rose and turned around slowly, rage coursing through him as he remembered that he didn't have to deal with this anymore. He smiled when he saw the fear on their faces. They were in for a beating.

_About time, _Jac said gleefully. Suddenly it felt like he was falling into an icy pond, his vision went black as the cold enveloped him.

When he came back to himself, he was staring down at the taller boy. The boy's arm was in his hand but not connected to the rest of the body. The boy gurgled, his guts had spilled from his stomach, blood and other juices, turned the Rukon dust to mud as he breathed his last, the other was a few feet away. Sousuke felt bile rise in his throat when he realized that he was wrong, it was just the boy's head.

_You should probably run, _Jac teased. Aizen bolted to his hide out, changed, gathered his things minus the bloodied clothes into a bag and bolted again seeking a new hide out. Hours later he collapsed onto the floor of another abandoned building, he would need a new bed. He laid there for what felt like hours and as the numbness faded he began to shake.

_Oh god really? I thought you were stronger than this, _Jac sneered disappointed. He was stung both by the insult and by the fact that it was one of his only two friends delivering it. Nausea rose and he swallowed hard against the urge to vomit.

_I am strong, but I didn't mean to kill them, _he answered.

_Apparently not and yeah you did or I wouldn't have been able to._

_I've never killed anyone. _A few tears leaked from his eyes as the enormity of what had happened hit him.

_You'll get used to it._

He choked back a sob.

_Would you stop sniveling?!_

_You took my soul, _he whimpered, it felt like he was drowning he couldn't breathe, suffocating.

_You gave it willingly._

_Th-this wasn't part of the deal._

_They were assholes, _Jac shrugged.

_The str-strong prey on the w-weak it's way of the Rukon I've done it. They didn't d-deserve to die, it's n-not…_

_What was that? It's not fair? _Jac laughed. It chilled his bones and he began sobbing into his arm. _I thought you wanted to be strong?_

The next day when he woke he thought it'd all been a nightmare until he saw his new surroundings. He drew a shaky breath, terrified for the first time since he'd made the deal. Jac laughed in his head.

_Come on, up and at em._

_Shut up._

_You're not still wallowing are you? _Jac asked exasperated. _If I'd know how pathetic you were I never would have trusted you to help me._

_Back at ya'._

_And how exactly am I pathetic? _Humiliation washed over him as he felt Jac's amusement. He had no answer it'd just been a childish come back from a scared kid. He gritted his teeth and rose to his feet.

_Just leave me alone, _he said. Jac didn't comply, the gentle mentor was gone and as the months went by the voice would randomly assault him. At first he'd sneered at himself when he thought of it that way. They were just words after all, he knew real pain.

He was wrong. He could never see the next hit coming and just when he thought he'd heard everything it found a new weak point to strike. It always knew his weak points too, always went for the soft flesh so to speak. He was weak, worthless, should give up, no one would ever care about someone so evil.

Aizen knew all of this and didn't care much at first. He eventually found himself trying to banish those vulnerabilities as soon as they were brought to light. He realized as time passed, that was exactly what Jac wanted, he was being trained in a sense. It suited him after a fashion, there were worse ways to find your weaknesses, having an enemy find them for example.

He was ashamed to say though that hearing it every day in his ear over and over wore him down. His temper got shorter, emotions in general closer to the surface. After seeing the kind of power he had won through his deal with the devil he'd refused to use it for petty things. He became hyper vigilant, controlled every impulse, thought through every action. It was exhausting and the voice never left him alone for long, cropping up at the worst possible moments.

X

"Well what did you expect!" he snapped as one of his gang members tried to make excuses for scaring off one of the marks of their protection racket. He reined his temper in with a few calming breaths as he felt Jac stir.

"I-I didn't…"

"Get out of my sight," he said.

_Pussy, _Jac snarled disappointed.

_Shut up, _he replied.

_Well when you beg like that,_ Jac laughed. Aizen didn't reply. He never saw that gang member again.

X

_God how incompetent can you be?_ Jac sneered as he tried to sleep that night. _You can't even keep desperate scum like that loyal? Why'd I pick you again?_

Exhausted and beaten down he fought hard to keep in lips from quivering as he replied, _I'm doing the best I can._

_That's the sad part._

He would have given anything in that moment to have even a single one person on his side. He just wanted to die.

_Oh I wouldn't let something like that happen, _Jac replied to the thought. He curled tighter on his small cart in the upper floor of the abandoned hotel he and his crew were using for a hideout. Pain lanced through his head, as he shivered with cold. If he was berated for incompetence and idiocy, the weaker emotions sadness, pity, guilt, joy got him tortured and god forbid he tear up.

_You're worthless like this. What use are you to me? How can you infiltrate the Shinigami if you can't even get that scum to follow you?_

He avoided Yuki now except to deliver money, Jac hated her, but he wished selfishly that she was there now. He'd never felt so alone. He shivered again and gritted his teeth as his muscles tensed and cramped. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to be stronger than this that was the whole point. To his horror, he felt tears welling in his closed eyes.

The pain increased as Jac raged, _You're lucky your other whelps aren't here to see this. Even a shitty leader can get some people to follow them. A weak leader though? They'd be gone before you could say snivel. Hell no one wants to be around that, why do you think everybody leaves the second they get to know you?_

He didn't reply, having long since learned that he couldn't fight the voice. He was too weak.

Instead he screamed in the empty hotel hoping that no one would hear him. He screamed to the deaf heavens at first in pain, then in appeal that they release him even by death, and it became a scream of rage. As the sound died, he shook on the bed and found to his immense relief that the voice was silent.

Then the tirade began again and he bit back a moan knowing how it would piss off the merciless voice. He wished that just once he was the one dishing punishment, wished just once that he was in control beating down the unwilling. Wished that he was the smug asshole cutting down the weak, bending them to his will. God he'd never realized that words could in time hurt far more than fist or blade.

With that thought he forced himself up from the bed. He'd sold his soul for power, he had power. Screw the voice, he didn't need anyone. He stalked the streets not knowing where he was going simply looking to move, do something, anything.

He caught sight of the knife out of the corner of his eye and spun to catch the boy's hand his reiatsu flared and drove the boy to his knees. He twisted the wrist and the knife dropped into his free hand. He let go and the boy scrambled back, his face a mask of terror. How pathetic. Hatred welled inside him.

"Stop moving," the boy froze. He approached and the boy shook under his spiritual pressure. He breathed in deep as though he could physically smell the fear. Power. Yes this was good, this was why he'd made the pact, this was his recompense.

The boy looked so small like this, Aizen wondered if this was how he'd looked to Jac when they first met. Perhaps how he still looked? He wondered with a thrill of disgust, no more he could change and he would. He moved closer a predator closing on his prey and smirked as the kid actually pissed himself in fear the stain darkened the ground between them. Still he moved closer and raised the knife.

The boy looked up terrified, enthralled. In this moment he was god, the boy's life in his palm. He opened his hand and let the knife land on the boy's chest. He smiled, turned his back on his enemy in a parting insult and walked away. Today he would be a benevolent god, who knew about tomorrow. The choice was his.

_Thought you were going to change? _Jac asked, out of the blue. He tried not to wince.

_I am._

_Well it's a start, _Jac said exasperated.

X

Weeks passed, scaring street punks was fast losing its thrill, for one the power wasn't strictly his so he could take little pride in it and for another physically threatening people just made him feel shittier for being cowed by mere words. There was also the ever present threat of losing control.

One night he entered a small restaurant-bar with a skeleton crew of sycophants, they took a table while he made his way to a bar stool in the corner. From there he could keep an eye both on them and the other patrons. A confident looking, well-endowed woman was fending off advances by several suitors while still managing to drink for free. It grated on him, so much like Jac, bending people to her will coercing what she wanted and giving nothing in return. Well two could play that and he would lay money on himself being better at it.

He slid from his stool and approached with his most charming smile. She looked up unimpressed, that was okay, he liked a challenge. The voice commiserated.

They spent the night talking, and he drew on everything that had convinced him to make the pact to bend her to him, make her sympathize as he had with Jac. He may have hated pity but it could be a useful tool as well. He bedded her and left in the night, a note on her nightstand explained the situation succinctly: _Thanks for the ride slut._

He laughed as he slid through the moonlit streets, even as a part of him, beaten to silence, cried for the wrong he'd committed. Hell he'd neva' been concerned for other street rats even before the voice. Age and the voice though had given him a measure of understanding, he forced the thought from his mind. She was dumb enough to think he cared, she'd deserved it. The voice laughed with him. He walked along with a bounce in his step and the realization that he really didn't need anyone. The loneliness banished by the thought that she'd wanted to be with him and he'd tossed her aside like so much trash. There would be others.

As he got better at his little game he never went for physical torture like the voice wanted but he gained great skill in the mental game. After all he'd learned from the best. It felt good to be the one dishing it out for once.

He shortly got bored with racking up conquests; the thought always brought an arrogant smile to his face. He began to relish 'long' games, basked in the thrill of making them believe they were sooo special until he carved out their hearts.

Women and later men too in tears, on their knees in every possible sense of the phrase as he laughed or if he really wanted to twist the knife, just looked on in disdain. For a moment, he would feel powerful and he could pretend that when night fell he wouldn't be the one begging, pleading, reasoning as he remembered exactly how worthless he was. He could tell himself that next time he'd fight back. Next time he'd grow some balls and stand up to the voice.

X

Some dumb bitch, he didn't even remember her name begged him to stay.

" 'Ya ain't worth it," he explained cheerily.

She snarled and threw a plate at his head as he dodged away, smoothly ducking out the door as more dinnerware crashed into it. He smiled as he trotted through the streets.

No sooner had he lain down on the soft mattress in his apartment that night though than the voice started in.

_Still can't finish the job? _It sneered.

_What?_ he asked still power tripping on the bimbo's overwrought reaction.

_She attacked you and still you won't shed blood._

_That's thug stuff anyone can do it, It bores me._

_You won't be able to avoid it forever, better get used to it now, _the voice's eagerness for the next day's event colored its words.

_Relax I'll hold up my end. I just don't see the point of killing some random person._

_You will or I'll kill Yuki sllloooowwwly._

_You can't! I won't let you!_

_I can do anything, _the voice said silkily. The words from the day he'd made his deal struck like a whip.

_I'll stop you._

_You can't, you're just a worthless puppet._

Aizen pretended he didn't agree.

X

The next day a teenaged Aizen strides through the Rukon streets on his way to Seireitei followed by his admirers and hangers-on unaware of where he's going or why. Unaware that they'll be left behind, convinced that they will reap rewards for their service. Yet they only served him because he was the most powerful, intelligent they had security or a strategist in exchange, in his mind he owes them nothing.

Years from now he will watch Lisa weep in her captain's arms, Kyoraku will glare death at him. He will give a 'what?' shrug, and walk away whistling merrily.

He will think it's getting too easy.

_You did learn from the best,_ the voice will purr.

_And the apprentice surpasses the master,_ he will reply with bravado he'll never feel.


	4. Fast Friends

Summary: Gin and Ran meet and decide to be friends. Because no friendship is an accident. Not even theirs.

A/N: We own nothing. A round robin by the original trio: Wolfie, Time & Sesh. Omni-3rd POV.

* * *

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."

-Bernard Meltzer

**Fast Friends**

He watched her sigh, reading her book under the shade of a nice big tree. He'd been following her for a little while, intrigued by her. She didn't seem the same as the others he'd met, and it fascinated him.

Gin snuck up on her quietly, like a snake in the grass. She was unsuspecting prey... and hopefully, this time he'd catch her off guard. He'd been following her and seen —well thought he'd seen — the same loneliness about her that he carried with him.

Rangiku smiled as she sensed the reiatsu moving closer, pretended to continue to read her yaoi manga and waited to see what he'd do. She'd seen the strange silver haired kid around a lot, always lurking in the shadows it made her curious.

He had a lot to learn about sneaking about though. The kid was leaking spiritual energy like nobody's business. She could sense him coming from ten miles away.

His reiatsu circled around, weaving through the cover of the tall vegetation as it came closer until he got within pouncing distance. She waited... and waited... and then when he pounced, she quickly rolled to the side. Grinning, she looked at the startled boy, crouched where she had just been.

"You gotta be better than tha', kid," she said, her Rukon accent not as thick as some other people's. She stood up, brushing off her yaoi manga and her clothes. "Why are you tryin' to sneak up on me?"

She watched him fumble about for words. Shy and awkward.

"I...uh...I was tryin' to scare ya?" he offered, blushing. Because really, how do you explain that you were stalking someone without coming across like a total creep?

He felt like an idiot and turned to slink away.

Rangiku quickly moved in front of the boy to stop him from going anywhere. "What's your name?"

He swallowed. Cursing his awkwardness and nerves.

"It's Gin," He answered, trying to sound confident. He felt so small... but that may have been because she was a fair bit taller than him. "I-Ichimaru Gin."

Rangiku looked him over, appraisingly. He was surprisingly shy for someone who openly tried to scare strangers, and scrawny as a weed. Clearly not eating enough. But then, neither was anyone around here. "You wanna go look for some food?" she asked, packing away her book.

Gin scratched his head, unsure why she was being so friendly. Friendly people were usually the worst. They'd turn on you quick as spit. So he was a little apprehensive. And ready for a fight, or an ambush, or both. If only because he'd learnt the hard way people couldn't be trusted. "Umm, sure, I guess?"

The tall girl led him around to the edge of the field to where the buildings started. A row of dinky shops sat along the lane, and his new companion pointed to the backside of them, where the trash and expired or ruined items went. "Down here. I saw a lot of stuff getting thrown away earlier."

"Right," Gin said still trying to sound confident. Knowing he was failing miserably. His stomach growled and he reddened as he followed the girl to the trash. She appeared to have no qualms about scavenging and dove in with obvious excitement. Gin weighed pride against his hunger for a moment before joining her. Survival was more important than pride. Something some shinigami around here should really learn.

They found some stale bread and a whole basket of wilted vegetables. Taking their haul into the woods, they found a small clearing and sat down to divide everything. Although taller than him and possessing a fair amount of reiatsu she divided it fairly without a fight. And that was when Gin knew he could trust her, and let himself relax a little. As they ate, Rangiku introduced herself, "Rangiku Matsumoto. But you can call me Ran."

Gin nodded, forcing himself to eat slowly, "Hi then...You're strange."

"Strange how?" she asked around the food in her mouth.

"Well fer example most people would be offended 'stead o' askin' why they're strange," he explained. Most people would have run for the hills from some stranger who snuck up on them for no reason.

Rangiku nibbled on a wilted carrot as she considered Gin's words. "Well, I look at it this way: s'not many people you can be friends with ou' here. So I plan to take advantage of this and get a new friend out of it."

For the first time, she saw a flash of red as Gin's eyes widened in surprise. "You...wanna be frien's wi' me?"

"Yeah, sure," Rangiku said easily completely missing the shock and devotion in Gin's gaze.

"Cool," he said choking up a little. He tried to compose himself, because this was not how one reacted when offered friendship, dammit!

"Yup." She smiled. Gin returned to eating and was about to take a big bite of the stale bread when he heard her giggle.

"What?" He asked.

"I like when you smile. Improves your look a lot." Immediately his cheeks coloured. "Makes you look real cute."

Gin's cheeks coloured further. "We-well maybe I didn' 'ave reason to smile before now," he said. Stammering. "Maybe I didn' have friends before." He took a big bite of the bread and chewed. Shit he hadn't meant to say that.

She just smiled softly, "Maybe I didn't either."

Gin beamed back and looked at the remains of their 'feast' still hungry. "You want to get some more?"

"Definitely," Rangiku replied happy that she had a partner in crime now. "Oh, and you can stop blushing like a maid now," she added playfully.

"Shu'up." he shot back, grinning.

She sighed, her laughter dying down. "Though you'll make some girl really happy one day, if you keep smiling like that."

Gin scowled at her. Really, romance was the last thing on his mind. Surviving the horrors of the Rukon took priority.

"Or maybe a nice man..." she mused. Gin playfully threw his slice of the stale bread at her and the pair of them burst out laughing.


	5. Encounter

**Summary: Aizen meets Gin. **

Place in timeline: The Actual Beginning. Before 'Game', but after 'Tired Old Game'.

a/n: I will go down with this ship. Much love to Time for running her eyes over this one for me and to Sesh for grammarhounding. Thanks to Bya for the lovely review that inspired the 'solve' lines :)

Notes: Mild depression references. Aizen being Aizen. Chessboards. Teacher/student relationship. All the foreshadowing. In-universe story crossreferences (specifically to Game). Bullshit gamemaster Aizen clearly not knowing hubris always comes before a fall.

* * *

_I've been everywhere man, looking for someone,  
__Someone who can please me, love me all night long,  
__I've been everywhere man, looking for you babe,  
__looking for you babe, searching for you babe._

_\- Rihanna [Where have you been?]_

****Encounter****

****(By TheDrunkenWerewolf)****

The alarm was incessant in its beeping. And Aizen rolled over, groaning, to shut off the infernal device. Great. Perfect. Just when the dream was getting so good, too...

Sighing, he buried his face in his pillow, reluctant to get out of bed just yet. What did it matter anyway? Just like any other day. Same shit, different day, that's what he always said. He often joked about it with Kyouka Suigetsu, that it was like being stuck in a timeloop. Soon he'd be leaving though. Soon. And he told himself if he could just hang on one more week, get through one more day, it'd be alright. So he put on his smile and acted the part, and everybody smiled back at him, and got on with things. He guessed it really was true, what they said. Smile and the world smiled with you. Cry and you'd cry alone.

Not that he'd cry in front of any of these pathetic fools, of course. He didn't have time. Didn't have nearly enough excuses let alone opportunities to pass any sentimental tears off as the mourning of a comrade's death – his troops were the best, they tended not to die, even the really stupid ones – or other such occasions. And he didn't dare show weakness. He was a lieutenant now. Someone of his status could not show weakness. It was a lesson he learned the hard way growing up on the Rukongai streets.

_The strong prey on the weak, boy,_ the voice told him. _Show them you're strong and they won't take advantage of you._

And it was right. Because the same logic applied everywhere.

_Use others before they use you,_ it advised.

So he did. He fooled around, played with people, used them, broke their hearts. Because that was easier than being weak, than leaving himself open to getting hurt. Not that he could afford to let anyone in close enough to try. Not if the voice had anything to say about it.

_Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong._

But that didn't make it easy. Humans craved companionship, and for the most part, he was still human. So it wasn't easy at all. But then, life wasn't easy. Or fair.

_This world is cruel._

_People are cruel._

He pressed his face further into his pillow, trying to blot it out. The voice. The day. The world. But the sun still persisted in rising, so he scraped together some energy and made himself get out of bed and trudge to the bathroom. Once there, he stood in front of the mirror above the sink, and took in his dull, bored, vacant expression. He'd say he looked tired, but it wasn't from lack of sleep. In fact he probably slept too much.

He stared at himself, into his dull, empty eyes, and took a deep breath.

"Today I will be happy." he told himself. It had become his mantra over the years. Probably a lie but, tell yourself a lie for long enough and you'll start to believe it eventually, right?

He slowly got himself ready to face the day. Brushed his teeth. Took a shower. Dried himself off. Got dressed. And boiled the kettle to make himself a mug of tea, which he sat drinking while doing the newspaper crossword. It was his favourite way to start the day. He just couldn't drink coffee. He'd tried, but found it too bitter. He kept some to use as an emergency stimulant though, for the times he'd had to work through the night.

Once the crossword was done, he got out his files and flicked through them. He had to cover teaching his Captain's class on kidou at the academy, and he thought it wise to at least scan his eyes over the list of student's names. Beside the list of names, were their grades in various subjects. Namely: aptitude, kidou, hand to hand combat, sword skills. He scanned them all briefly. All of them boring, all of them mundane. Average, average, average. Really? Was there no-one remotely interesting in this class?

He kept skimming the list, name after pointless name, average boring grade after average boring grade. He sighed, about ready to give up and close the file to run over the lesson plan, when he caught sight of some very interesting numbers indeed. He raised an eyebrow, ah now this is more like it, he thought, looking at the name beside them.

_Ichimaru Gin, hm? Unusual name._

He went to retrieve the file with that name on it and immediately began perusing it. Kyouka Suigetsu hovering over his shoulder. Which might have been annoying, but he was too comfortable with her and too captivated by the headshot photograph all students had to have in their file.

_You seem inspired, _she said._ It makes a nice change._

_I'm merely interested in learning more, that's all._

Of course, she answered. Though her tone implied she didn't believe it. _He is cute, though._

Aizen managed to crack a smile at that. _Oh, you say that about __**all**__ the boys,_ he teased. She laughed softly.

_Maybe, but I have a keen eye for beauty, you know. And it's not like you weren't thinking the same thing yourself._

He had to smile at that. _Touche, my dear mirror princess. _I'll admit he does have a certain charm. _Maybe today won't be so boring, after all._

She giggled. _Here's hoping. It would be fun if you got your hands on that little fox, wouldn't it?_

He smiled to himself. _Yes, yes it would. In more ways than one._

_Oh you naughty thing, you. _Kyouka snickered, reading his mind. And with that Aizen finished his tea, gathered his things, put on his glasses and smile, and headed out for his first day of teaching.

Who knew, this Gin might prove to be a great distraction from the tedium his life had become. Maybe Gin would even pull him out of the tired morass he'd been stuck in the last few decades, too. Doubtful of course. Many had tried and many had failed. But still, he had hope.

. . .

The classroom was noisy when he walked in, almost unbearably so. He almost didn't want to walk in there. But it was the last lecture of the day and if he could get through this one then he had the rest of the day to himself. And Gin was going to be in this class, so even more reason to go in there. He wanted to know if the boy really did live up to his reputation as a prodigy. Because there'd already been so much talk among not just the students, but the faculty, too. And Gin had piqued his interest. Which was a feat by itself. Not much tended to impress Aizen these days, unless it was something truly special. He just hoped Gin wouldn't disappoint.

So he took a deep breath and walked in, head high, shoulders back. Projecting confidence despite his nerves.

. . .

There was a lot of confusion when he walked in. Clearly they'd been expecting Hirako Shinji. But he knew how to silence unruly classrooms.

"Okay, quiet down," he said, loudly, in a voice that brooked no argument. Immediately the classroom fell silent.

Good. At least these brats had some basic respect.

"Right. Hello class, my name is Aizen Sousuke, I'm sure some of you know me as the lieutenant of the fifth, and I'll be teaching you today. I'm sure you were all expecting someone different, but Captain Hirako was called away on business, so instead you have me."

There was a bit of murmuring about this, but that quieted down pretty quickly.

"In this class you will learn the fundamentals of kidou, and then we'll move onto the more advanced techniques."

He paused, picked up a piece of chalk ready to start writing on the board, made sure to smile at the class – fake and plastic, though everyone seemed to buy it – and then continued. "Now as it's a new term, we'll start at the beginning."

He turned to face the class again, scanning the faces in front of him. "Can anyone tell me-"

He stopped, cut off mid-sentence, mid-thought, as a certain pair of fox-like eyes met his across the classroom. Open only slightly, yet just enough to give him a glimpse of their brilliant crimson colour. Keen, intelligent, bright eyes framed by equally bright silver hair. He could feel himself, his body, mind, heart go still. And he had to swallow the lump in his throat that he assumed was his heart making a desperate bid for the beautiful creature before him. A kitsune of myth amongst these peasants who called themselves nobility.

And his entire world shifted.

_Gods, the photo does not do you any justice, does it? You're even more beautiful in person._

He cleared his throat, remembering he had a job to do, a class to teach. And he forced himself to focus on the world around him again. It was then that he realised, the chalk had slipped from his hand and onto the floor. He hadn't even heard it clatter when it hit the floor.

"Oh." he said, stooping to pick it up while the class giggled at him. Yes, yes, go on and laugh, he thought bitterly. As if being caught off guard wasn't humiliating enough. But when he scanned the faces again, he did notice that to his everlasting credit, Gin didn't laugh. In fact, the smile on his face was more reassuring than anything. As if he were saying softly, _'yes, go on...'_

So go on he did. Thankfully it was easy to play the role of the bumbling, nerdy professor. Especially since he looked the part, what with the glasses and librarian hairstyle. So he decided to play it up for them, and recovered quickly.

"Ah, oops, how clumsy of me." He smiled, laughing nervously. "My hands must be sweating." He laughed again, playing it off, cleared his throat and turning to write on the blackboard. "Right, now we'll begin, shall we? Who can tell me the four basic principles of kidou?"

After that, the lecture went off without a hitch. And for a whole glorious hour, he could feel Gin's eyes on him. Burning into him almost. And for the full hour, he was keenly aware of the boy studying him, weighing him up. Trying to solve him like he would a Rubik's Cube. A puzzle. And Aizen couldn't help but smile – when his back was to the class, of course. He wasn't that big of a fool to show his hand to all and sundry.

But Gin had intrigued him. Captivated him.

Of course, he didn't believe in that 'love at first sight' crap. Such a thing didn't exist. How could it?

But this was interesting. And he was beautiful. And maybe he could play with him a bit. It _would_ be amusing to watch the little fox make a futile attempt to 'solve' him like a puzzle Gin clearly seemed to think he was...

Now there was a thought that needed some delving into. He made a mental note to think more on the logistics of such a scheme after class. Decide how to pursue his latest prey. If possible how to play him off that fool Kisuke to maximum effect.

. . .

Fortunately, Gin made that decision for him. Because after the bell rang and he dismissed the class, he waited until everyone else had gone and then sought him out. Gin approached shyly, a fox wary of the hunter. But he did his best to smile and put the fox at ease.

"Hello Gin, how are you?" he smiled warmly. Trying his best to be all the right things. Warm, polite, courteous. Gin smiled a little, so adorably shy, pleased his name had been remembered, and then he looked at Gin again.

"What can I do for you?"

_And where have you been all my life?_


	6. Looking at You

**A/N: I own nothing. Much thanks to TheDrunkenWerewolf for sharing her universe and to Transbyakuya (ByakuyaKuchiki on Ao3) for crossposting.**

**Takes place directly after 'Encounter'.**

**This would not exist without Time. Thank you for your immeasurable help.**

* * *

**Looking at You **

**(By SesshomaruFreak)**

Gin lounged on the couch sipping a glass of sake while Rangiku grilled him as usual. She leaned closer excitedly.

"So come on, what do you think?"

He shrugged, "S'nothing special." He tried to believe that. Aizen _had_ dropped the chalk, right, he was human. When Gin looked back on it though he'd seemed so smooth. He'd brushed it off and now that he thought about it again the class seemed to be more laughing with him than at him. If it'd been Gin they would have been laughing at him, and he'd have wanted to sink into the ground and...

"Earth to Gin!" Ran yelled snapping her fingers in front of his face.

"Eh?' he blinked, coming out of his melancholy thoughts. Ran tossed back her glass of sake.

"I said 'then why are you blushing'?" she asked with a Cheshire grin. Gin rose from the couch and turned away his heart pounding, getting more embarrassed and flustered. Ran really had a talent for getting under his skin.

"If ya' just goin' ta' tease me..."he said for what seemed like the thousandth time.

"Detaiiiillllsss" Rangiku whined, "I waaaannt details!"

"Aren't any," he muttered. No, not when his teacher came out roses even when he fucked up and Gin on a good day was somewhere between mud and dogshit on the list of things to associate with. Now that he thought back, what he'd thought of as an endearing slip-up, that he thought had rendered the man approachable, only made the gap between them that much more obvious. The teacher was so far out of his league...

"You're pining!" Rangiku crowed, "Oh...Oh sorry," she said and slung an arm around his shoulders at his hurt expression.

He knew she meant no harm and with a little sniff said, "S'fine"

"No it's not, I just...I didn't know you actually, you know, _cared_. Thought it was just window shopping."

"Ya know I don' do tha'," he said with a shaky smile.

"Which is why I was so happy," she said smiling and swigging more sake from the bottle. _Weird little Gin_, he thought bitterly,_always missing things, never quite fitting in even with his best friend._

He sighed, "I'm not interested and if I was, ya' know what he's like. M'not that desperate." He gave a wan smile.

Rangiku gave a breathy romantic sigh, "I dunno know I think it must be a lonely life."

Gin frowned and hugged her, "Yer projectin'. He definitely ain't lonely," a hint of bitterness entered his voice.

"Quite the opposite I'm going to settle down. I think this one's the one," she smiled.

"That's what ya' said 'bout the last...eight?"

"Four of the last ten," Rangiku laughed.

"Yeh that's 'xactly why ah'm not interested." he affirmed. Cherry chose that moment to awake from her nap and pounced onto his lap. He stroked her fur, losing himself in thought.

Rangiku shrugged, "I still think you're wrong."

Gin kept his hand tangled in Cherry's fur, "Course ya' ain't for the long term thing either."

"Sure I am. For the right person."

"Sure," Gin replied and he managed a slight smile at Ran's playful pout.

"I'm betting that you just don't think you can be the right person," Ran said. Gin's jaw dropped as she demonstrated her singular talent for seeing him as he really was, insecurities, warts and all. He had no idea what he'd do without her.

"Not for him," the words slipped out and he winced.

"Aww you know that's complete bullshit," Ran exclaimed pouncing him with a hug.

"Thanks," he replied grateful for the sentiment if not for the baseless flattery, or literal smothering.

XXXXXXXXXX

Aizen had been getting bored with Kisuke's idiocy and straightforwardness for a while now. He'd become complacent and Aizen easily bored to begin with lost all interest. On the brightside complacency would make it sting that much more when he showed up with a younger model.

_You've been at this for a hundred years, aren't you bored?_ Kyouka asked tiredly.

_Not even close,_ Aizen laughed.

_Isn't playing the entirety of Soul Society enough? _she tried again. He laughed her off and plotted how to cast Kisuke aside to greatest effect. He really _was_ annoying and Aizen decided he'd go for public tears and begging.

_'Just don't get distracted from our goal,'_ the Voice whispered.

_'It's taking too long I _need _a distraction.'_

xxxxxx

Gin woke up the next morning glad it was finally the weekend. He stumbled down the stairs Walked past Rangiku, still asleep on the couch with the near empty sake bottle on the end table. He checked that she was breathing, made some tea and checked the clock eleven in the morning. Also known as too fucking early to be up on a weekend. He wasn't keen on letting his mind wander though and wasn't getting back to sleep so this was the only thing left to do. Warm tea slid down his throat as he drank the comforting, spicy brew.

He sat at the table and as he slowly woke up, his mind began wandering anyway. He was clearly getting ahead of himself but he respected Aizen and he just wanted to be noticed, to be worthy. As though he had anything to say that the older man didn't already know. Surely they had something in common, Aizen was smart, Gin loved to learn right?

He sighed even he could tell he was grasping at straws. The age difference—even if that didn't mean much in Seireitei- Aizen's sophistication, experience, confidence. And him a little ball of neuroses and —did it count as armor if it was nothing but chinks?— He sighed again feeling pathetic, young and worthless. Rangiku stirred with a moan.

"Aw shiiit," Rangiku moaned raising a hand to her head. Gin stirred from his spiral of self-loathing long enough to raise an eyebrow.

"When'd ya' fall 'sleep?" he asked.

"Four," she muttered. He shook his head and she glared at him.

The conversation from last night came back to him, how Ran was sure this guy was the one. Would he ever find the one? Was there even a 'one' out there for him?

"Helllloooo?" his friend called, getting his attention.

"Sorry it's just...do you think...could anyone ever love me?"

Ran gasped and rolled to face him her own pain forgotten "Of course Gin. I love you."

"You know what I mean," Gin replied, tears half of shame and half of gratitude filled his eyes and he looked away.

"You'll find the right person," she said.

"And you think that's Aizen?" he asked, his voice choked enough that it'd be embarrassing in front of anyone else.

"Sure why not?" she asked but her hesitation said more than her words.

"See you don't trust him either."

"Sure I think he'd be good for you," she said emphatically but he heard the hope and doubt in her voice, romanticism overpowering reason. He simply shook his head.

Gin looked out the window, contemplating his single life. Ran's voice was background noise, going on about the guy she was seeing... Shuuhei, she called him. He tuned her out for the most part as his thoughts turned to the fact that whenever he thought of the substitute teacher, his heart did funny things.

Rangiku hugged him again, holding him tight. "C'mon," she said, pulling him out of the chair. "Let's go do something fun."

He followed with a laugh, determined not to think about Aizen.


	7. Safe Harbour

**A/N:** I own nothing, TheDrunkenWerewolf owns the voice. Thanks to Wolfie for letting me play with her toys and doing advise and consent and to Sesh for her help with some of the romantic lines.

**Place in the timeline:** Early game.

**Summery:** Gin moves in with Aizen.

**Written by:** Timewaster123456789

* * *

**Safe Harbour**

* * *

Aizen sat down on his couch, his smile fading as Gin walked down the hall to unpack. He exhaled slow, controlled, he hadn't really noticed how nervous he'd been until Gin was actually there, settling in. They'd talked about moving in together for months but always found a reason to put it off. For his part, it was more that he knew better than to let Gin insinuate himself so deeply. It would give the voice ideas and that was always dangerous. He could claim he didn't want to be tied down too, but in truth, he had no interest in anyone else anymore so it didn't matter. He would have to leave for Hueco Mundo eventually but until then he could enjoy himself with Gin and only Gin.

He didn't blame the the younger man for the delay of course, his hesitancy was completely understandable. Aizen already showered him with gifts. No one in their right mind would want to tie themselves to him if they could avoid it and still get the trappings. Yet here Gin was, smiling like he'd won an award as he put all of his things away. Surely this was proof, he finally had irrefutable proof that Gin liked him as much as he claimed.

He wanted to believe it, closed his eyes and tried to ignore the rational voice at the back of his head as it told him that this was going too well. It said that the more realistic explanation was Gin was simply playing the same game he was. If a plan went too smoothly, the first assumption was always that you were playing into your opponent's hand. His momentary euphoria washed away as he contemplated these facts. A feeling of panic welled up at the thought that maybe Gin had him right where he wanted not vice versa.

"Sou?" Aizen looked up to see Gin looking at him with open concern. He'd obviously tried to get his attention multiple times.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about the way you look bending over to unpack those boxes" he said smoothly, watching Gin blush to the hairline.

"I...uh brought tea," Gin muttered flustered. Aizen smirked as he took the proffered cup and Gin flop down next to him with his own cup, looking absolutely content. For the moment, his concerns disappeared and he took a sip of the tea to ease the sudden lump in his throat.

"Is it a'right?" Gin asked looking worried.

"It's the best I've had," Aizen replied. To his surprise it was the truth, though it had little to do with the taste, he smiled as Gin beamed and relaxed against him with a sigh. He wracked his brain for a long moment, wondering why he felt so wrong-footed and off balance before he realized that Gin seemed perfectly happy with the fact that he'd pleased Aizen. There didn't seem to be any follow-up move. It might be a mere ploy but still Aizen felt a strong desire to reciprocate.

He shook his head, when had he become such a sap? So Gin was learning faster than expected that was all. It wouldn't do to have his toy maneuver him so easily, at any rate it was just tea, any waitress could do that. He glanced at Gin from the corner of his eye; he _was _the first to do so out of consideration however. For the first time since he'd chosen his path to Hueco Mundo he felt…safe…it was strange but definitely appreciated. A cup of warm tea and his fox curled up next to him, this was home.

The voice laughed ominously, '_That's just what he wants you to think.'_

He hardly needed the reminder, the game always remained, this was no more reality than anything Kyouka did. Still it was nice to pretend, just for a little while.

He brushed the dark thoughts aside and smiled at Gin. "Are you familiar with the game of poker?"

Gin hesitated and shook his head no.

Aizen smiled, "Well it's better with more people, but there are variants for two."

Gin's grin was wide and warm; he looked for all the world like a happy fox waging its tail in eagerness. Aizen restrained his own smile even as Gin's warmed him, chased the chill from dank, cobwebbed corners of his heart. He heard the voice hiss again and ignored it with vindictive satisfaction as they moved to the table and he started teaching Gin to play.

Gin was laughing, enjoying himself and trying not to look impressed as Aizen showed his prowess at the game. He could get used to this; shouldn't, wouldn't but certainly 'could'.

He felt Gin growing frustrated as they continued, of course, occasionally you had to let the arm candy win.

Half an hour later they'd finished the next round, Gin grinned broadly, red eyes flashing, "Ha finally got ya."

Aizen returned an indulgent smile, "So it would seem," he put just enough edge on the words to make it believable.

Gin's smile fell; he actually looked pained at having 'wounded his pride'. He filed that away for later use even as he hid his surprise that someone actually gave a damn, most people would be crowing by now.

'_See he just pities you,' _the voice hissed, like static momentarily cutting into the melody that was currently his world. Gin's face hardened and his red eyes widened in surprise and rage.

"You let me win," it wasn't a question.

Aizen's jaw went slack for a split second before he smoothly replied, "Ah you caught me." with a little shrug. That was how it went, he'd done it a hundred times, next the toy giggles and pretends... His train of thought derailed as Gin stalked past him.

"Gin?"

"You think that little of me!" he raged.

"Gin it's not..."

"Yeah it is. You think I'm just another floozy to string along," Gin's voice cracked hard. "Kyoraku was right. I'm done," Gin stalked out.

"Gin I'm sorry," the words slipped out and Aizen froze mortified.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Thought you were leaving?" he muttered bitterly. Humiliated at being caught out not once but twice, stung that he would lose Gin.

"Oh that's good. Cus' I thought you apologized like ya was wrong. Like some lovelorn wife." Gin shot back. Aizen gritted his teeth, every word felt like a whip strike, he fought to restrain the part of his mind that wanted to do violence. He was angry but he would NOT HURT Gin. Shit. He was losing control that was bad. He always had to be in control, always. Had to guard every action, think through every impulse or the voice would…

'_Oh you just gonna take that? What a bitch! Just let me shut this little whore up if you can't,'_ the voice taunted. Aizen cursed it to the nine hells, and clenched his fists under the table gripping his hakama.

"Which would be awkward since I'm completely screwin' wit' ya'" Gin continued and turned face Aizen smirking. Wait what? Gin, his light, his shelter screwing with him, toying with him?

'_Ooh hoo turned the tables didn't he,'_ Kyouka sang.

'_Quiet,' _he snapped back, angry at himself for his initial reaction.

"Touche," he said to Gin with a raised eyebrow.

"I am pissed though. I can win on my own merit...eventually."

"I see that," Aizen said he was being a poor sport. That'd been beautifully played Gin was learning, he should be proud…but damn it'd hurt. Since when was he so easy to wound?

Kyouka who'd been snickering quietly answered immediately, '_Since you actually started caring what he thinks.'_

'_Traitorous, two-faced little whore, I'd carve him up starting with that vile tongue and…_' the voice chittered on manically. He ignored it and slowly opened his fists, making a mental note to be more cautious in the future, no one'd drawn blood on him in years, Gin had now done so twice in a night. He'd sworn after the voice that no one and nothing would ever have that kind of power over him again.. His devious little fox had proven himself a worthy opponent. If only he could bluff like that playing cards.

"Care to prove it?" he asked picking up the deck and fanning the cards.

"Thought I just did?" Gin said cheekily, smirking as he sat. Aizen dealt keeping his expression blank. On the brightside he was perfectly willing take Gin down a peg or two now.

'_You mean contrary to what you've been telling me for months you're_ not_ always ready to tear out his heart? Shocker,'_ Kyouka mocked. The voice gave an intrigued little murmur and he told them both to shut up.

Aizen played to the best of his considerable ability, but he saw admiration rather anger or envy in Gin's eyes as he crushed him. He found himself smiling with the fox. He was enjoying himself, like he always did with Gin but it didn't change the fact that as the voice kept reminding him, he deserved to be alone.

What was Gin's game? Aizen didn't peg him as a gold-digger, yet he had nothing else to offer. It wasn't love, Kyouka's snickering to the contrary Gin was just a distraction, if a particularly pleasant one. As for Gin's feelings, well he wasn't an idiot and even most of the idiots Aizen'd been with weren't that dumb. Of course there was the lavender to prove that he was missing something. Long practice kept the pain from his face and tone, old habits and survival instincts honed to perfection by his time with the voice. He felt Gin's eyes on him as he lost his second hand in a row and returned his focus to the game.

"I'm borin' ya'?"

"Not in the least," Aizen replied pasting on a rueful smile. "You're a quick study."

"And ya' were payin' zero attention."

"With most people I don't have to," he replied smoothly hiding his embarrassment for the slip. Gin watched him for a moment longer, skeptical and Aizen controlled the urge to sigh. It seemed whatever fragile trust he'd forged had been broken with his earlier stunt.

'_God can't you do anything right?'_

They played on until Aizen won another game the mood a little subdued.

"If you're getting sick of this…" Aizen began. Gin had managed to win a few hands but it'd still been painfully one-sided.

"Nah, frustrated wit' myself but ain't no otha' way to learn right? One more?" he replied smiling. Gin was improving fast and the third game went on significantly longer. He found that he shared Gin's joy in it even though it meant he lost more hands than he considered acceptable.

"I'll get us some more tea," Gin said when they'd finished. He jumped up to do so without waiting for a response. Aizen realized that his own expression almost matched Gin's over exuberant grin. His fox was so energetic and vital, like a happy puppy at times. He chuckled wondering if Cherry had rubbed off on her owner or the other way around.

He moved to the couch feeling like a vampire. In the legend they had no blood of their own, took it from others as he took his happiness from Gin. If one carried the analogy to its natural conclusion, he would eventually bleed Gin dry. That wasn't quite an accurate analogy of course but he had no doubt that as he found pleasure in Gin's pleasure, if he wasn't careful Gin would eventually partake of his darkness. He would wind up dragging Gin into the nihilistic morass he lived in.

"Sou?" he looked up to see Gin proffering the promised beverage

"Thanks," he said accepting the cup. Warmth suffused him more so than a cup of tea should be capable of. He knew that the taste would forever be linked to this day, to Gin. He hoped he'd remember it in Hueco Mundo. Actually he should just bring some with him.

"It's just tea," Gin laughed, as he sat down.

"It's very good tea," Aizen replied wondering if Gin'd picked up on something in his voice, expression or both and making another note to be more careful.

Gin beamed and ducked his head. "Ah'm glad you like it."

"I like everything about you."

Gin blushed and impossibly his smile got wider, "Ain't ya' the romantic."

"When it suits my purpose," Aizen smirked.

'_And when you can't help it,' _Kyouka snickered.

Gin's smile fell.

"Such as pleasing you," he added. He could have kicked himself, he was supposed to be building Gin's trust not playing the enigmatic card to impress; the game had moved passed that.

Gin shoved him playfully but looked a little nervous. Served him right for the shit he'd pulled earlier. He would not feel guilty, Gin deserved a little of his own medicine…even if it made him look like a kicked fox. Still maybe he should take it easy foxes could bite.

He slung his arm around Gin and tried to keep that idiot smile off his face as Gin finished his drink and nuzzled closer.

They talked long into the night and Gin's voice was the only one Aizen heard until he fell asleep with his head on Aizen's shoulder. Aizen allowed a smile to come to his lips genuine and natural, it felt so good not having to fake it. He wished this could last forever, the smile faded as he continued to watch his doomed lover.

The next morning he woke before Gin as usual and after carefully extricating himself, moved into the kitchen. He opened the cabinet and noticing that Gin had put his own tea there, selected it and prepared him a cup. He brought the drink to the coffee table, put a kido spell on it to keep it warm and grabbed a book to read. He sat at the kitchen table reading while he waited for Gin to wake up. It wasn't much but maybe it would bring Gin a measure of the comfort it'd brought him.

Gin stirred and stretched, waking slowly as usual, his face lit up when he saw the tea and Aizen hid a smile.

"Thanks," he said happily, testing the heat before taking a long swallow.

"Did I wake you?" Aizen asked.

"No."

"Good. I shouldn't be surprised though. I've made corpses that sleep lighter than you."

Gin threw a small pillow at him and he tried not to laugh, failed miserably. Yesterday had been good and today was already better because he'd woken up with Gin already there. For a moment he would let himself pretend that this was simply how it would be from now on. Gin was with him, the world was at his feet and Hueco Mundo seemed very far away indeed. Today he decided, he wouldn't think about dying.


	8. Love Like You

Business: Don't own bleach. Don't own song. Do own this fic series. And Cherry.

a/n: written because not only am I AiGin trash, I'm also Steven Universe trash. And I like the song... and tea :) and sometimes I like my fluff. Well okay, I'm just a sucker for sappy pianist Aizen.

Timeline: after Time's piece 'Safe Harbour', when the pair move in together.

Summary – shortly after moving in together, Gin hears Sousuke play a song he remembers reading, and finds he relates to the words far too much.

* * *

**Love Like You**

**(By TheDrunkenWerewolf)**

Gin sighed, utterly content as his fingers curled around the hot mug. This was perfect. Utterly, utterly perfect. He didn't know why they'd kept putting it off, why they hadn't moved in together sooner. Oh well. They were here now, and that was what mattered.

He leant back against the counter and smiled softly as he sipped his tea. Reaching over to give Cherry an ear scratch as she sat on the counter nosing him.

He savoured the tea for a moment longer, and then picked up the extra mug of tea he'd made for Sousuke.

"C'mon, Che-Che, le'ss go see where Sou's at." he called. At which the little fox jumped to obey. Always willing to spend time with her new best friend.

Gin smiled at her as she trotted off out of the kitchen, tail high in the air, puffed up like a feather duster. She really had taken a shine to Sousuke. But then again, so had he.

Sousuke was in his study when they found him. Well, his study-come-music room, as it was where his piano lived. Gin peered around the doorframe – the door was already open – and he watched his lover work. Even Cherry poked her nose in to see, wagging her tail slowly. Like him, she too liked to listen to him play. Gin couldn't blame her; the music he made was absolutely beautiful.

They watched him quietly, afraid of interrupting, with Gin feeling like he were intruding somehow. Which was ridiculous, because he lived here now. And Sousuke always let him sit and listen when he played. In fact, he encouraged it.

Gin sighed. He guessed this was a feeling he was just going to have to get past. _Give it time, _Shinsou said softly. _It's still early days yet._

The thoughts dissipated though, when the soft music drifted through the air into his ears, soft and soothing and... happy.

Gin couldn't help the stupid, idiotic grin that spread over his face at the happy-sounding melody. Sousuke's music was an expression of himself, after all, and it was just so _good_ to see – well, _hear - _ him so happy.

Especially since it was such a rare occurrence. But since he'd moved in, such happiness had become the norm. and Gin hoped it would stick. Because this was how life _should _be. Calm. Happy. Peaceful. He wondered idly if this was what married life might be like, until his ears began to recognise the song being played. He wasn't sure of it at first, because it'd been so long, but a few bars in and he recognised it immediately. He could even remember the words to it...

Sousuke had written it years ago, and Gin had stumbled across it while looking through the bookcases. The little notebook had fallen onto the floor – and Gin just couldn't resist taking a look to see what Aizen deemed worthy to note down. He wasn't sure what he was expecting. Information on people, maybe. Plans for world domination, perhaps. But whatever he'd expected, he'd found it full of songs and poems instead. This one had notes and musical keys scribbled next to it on the pages, and since Sousuke had taught him to read sheet music, he'd revisited it to try and make sense of it.

So now, with his musical ear, he recognised the song quite quickly.

The melody grew softer, and Gin heard the short pause that came before the first verse. He closed his eyes and listened to the soothing piano notes, visualising the words of the song in Sousuke's elegant handwriting.

_If I could begin to be_

_half of what you think of me,_

_I could do about anything_

_I could even learn how to love. _

Gin smiled as he heard the song, quietly enjoying the soft, dreamlike melody. The words floating into his mind. He always loved hearing his lover play. His music was always so beautiful and heartfelt. He just wished he didn't relate to the words so much, though.

Because Sousuke thought so much of him. Had so much faith and confidence in him... Gin couldn't help but feel it was misplaced. He wasn't strong, and certainly not that special. He wasn't even that attractive, either.

But Gin reasoned that if he could be even half of what Sousuke seemed to think he was, well... then he could do anything.

He sighed quietly as he listened on. Hoping he could live up to how Sousuke saw him. Be the person Sousuke thought he was.

_When I see the way you act_

_wondering when I'm coming back,_

_I could do about anything_

_I could even learn how to love._

He had to smile. That part of the song was very apt. Because Sousuke, at least to him, was very much like a little puppy. Pining after him at the door whenever he left, just waiting for him to come back. And then getting so excited and happy whenever he saw Gin next. A lot like Cherry did whenever he'd come home from school years before.

And hell, if that didn't say it all about what Sousuke thought about him, about how much he loved him, well Gin didn't know what did. And if Sousuke loved him, then he could do just about anything.

But then there was the flipside of that. Because it was Sousuke, and his songs tended to do that.

_I always thought I might be bad_

_now I'm sure that it's true,_

_'cause I think you're so good_

_and I'm nothing like you. _

_Look at you go_

_I just adore you,_

_I wish that I knew_

_what makes you think I'm so special._

And it would always hit Gin in the stomach. Because hadn't some small part of him always felt like that?

Because Sousuke was so _good, _and clever, and just generally amazing. Everything he wasn't.

Gin often wondered what exactly it was the older man saw in him. Trying to see himself through Aizen's lens. Because if he could do that, then he could learn to love himself like Sousuke loved him. Or at the very least, live up to the way Aizen saw him.

And if he could do that, well, he could do just about anything. And if it made his lover smile, if he could do one thing to make Sousuke happy, it would be that. And he'd be happy, too.

_If I could begin to do _

_something that does right by you,_

_I would do about anything_

_I would even learn how to love, like you._

_Love, like you. _

The soft piano music continued to drift into his ears, and Gin smiled. The final notes faded away, and Sousuke turned to look at him, smiling.

"Like it?" he asked.

Gin smiled and nodded. "Real pretty." He held up the mug towards his partner. "Tea?"

"Yes," Sousuke smiled. "Thankyou."


	9. teeth of The Storm

**A/N:** I own nothing, TheDrunkenWerewolf owns the voice, Cherry and Tsuku. Thanks to TheDrunkenWerewolf play in her verse. Ties to 'Thunderstorm' in LWaT and they should be read together. Written to: 'Serotonin' by Karizma. Yes you can in fact play 'Cyanide' by Mettalica on piano, well I can't and you probably can't but it is possible so type 'cyanide piano' into youtube and check it out.

**Place in timeline:** After Safe Harbour but before the Fox's Wedding.

**Summery:** Aizen finds Tsuku

**Written by:** Timewaster123456789

* * *

**Teeth of the Storm**

* * *

Aizen stalked home, as ever the monotony of dealing with idiots day in and day out bored him. Being forced to feign concern about petty missions like a doctor cleaning blood instead of dressing the wound. It was beneath him!

Were it not for the fact that he would have to leave Gin, he would be looking forward to his defection. He couldn't wait to see the look on their self-righteous faces, weak morons that they were, when he revealed his power, his true colors.

Perfect, he thought as rain began to pour from the heavens. He was so sick of it all, knowing that everything he did would be meaningless. When it all was said and done he'd walk away and until then he was just going through the motions. Thunder pealed nearby.

It was boring him to no end, Gin the only break in the monotony and even then Gin was young, naïve. A fun toy to play with but he barely knew the half of it. He put on a show and Gin lapped it up, but at the end of the day... He was pulled from his thoughts by a quiet, pathetic yipping. He assumed that Cherry had somehow gotten caught in the storm and followed the sound to its source, one of the only three beings in existence that he would do such a thing for.

'_Four beings,' _the voice added, because of course it did, it wasn't like he was already miserable or anything.

He was surprised, on approaching the end of the alley to see a fox much like cherry but with black tips on its ears and tail. He shook his head in disgust at the half-drowned thing and turned away trudging back through the deluge. He heard a splash and looked back to see it struggling through a puddle with one paw held off the ground. How pathetic and yet he felt a strange kinship to the fox as it stared up defiantly as though saying 'yeah I got this, I'm simply curious'.

It reminded him of Gin's youthful bravado and vulnerability. He turned and continued on his way, but looked back. The fox froze and look at him quizzically as the rain pelted around them, again he moved on. The fox didn't follow merely sat and watched him leave, drenched to the bone, obviously underfed, starving to death in the rain. It was just a dumb mongrel, too weak to find food, pathetic, worthless.

Weak, miserable and yet it made no sound and didn't attempt to follow him again. It looked more like one of Gin's bleeding heart, charity cases than the charming young man himself. For all that though it didn't seek his help again. He approached the fox and it snarled, he sighed and look around until he found a sack lying among the refuse of alley. He approached again ready to bind it with kido if it got too aggressive.

Really you'd think the mongrel would be smart enough not to bite the person trying to help it. He muttered curses as he knelt to wrangle the injured animal into its sack, water soaking into his uniform. Once he got it inside it stuck its head out and gave his hand a single dignified lick. He stood and splashed through the streets with his aloof new companion.

He imagined how the little fox must have felt alone, fending for itself. Admittedly, the sodden sack wasn't exactly a warm, safe environment but it was better than the alternative. At least it was quieter than Cherry, silent in fact, still he wondered why he was bringing the damn thing home. He wouldn't have once, not before Gin, and that was the crux of it. Gin would have been horrified if he'd let it die and even if Gin would never know for some reason he couldn't bring himself to do it anyway.

'_You still think you can be worthy of him?' _The voice mocked.

'_No,'_ he replied truthfully. It was such a small meaningless thing it didn't matter. It made him feel better though to know that even in a small meaningless way he could be a little bit like the person Gin saw. Not that he could ever be the person Gin needed, but it was something. He tried to make himself believe that.

When he got home he showed the fox to Gin and played it off like a matter of expediency, like he hadn't sympathized with it for whatever fool reason. That Gin openly ogled his unkempt, drowned rat appearance did nothing to improve his temper. He felt like that often enough, he didn't need his appearance to reflect it.

He dried the fox off and would have sworn he could feel its gratitude even as it waited imperiously for him to finish with towel. When he was done, it watched him fluffy and annoyed like he'd done it some kind of harm. Gin joined them, cooing over the newcomer and clearly not believing his story of Tsuku —as Aizen had named him—following following him home. Aizen gently picked up his injured paw and felt Gin's eyes boring into him.

"The ointment and bandages in the cabinet," he requested and Gin handed him the items but kept watching. He bent to the task of wrapping Tsuku's paw and wished Gin would stop gawking at him like he was some rare bird. Tsuku squeaked and struggled but Gin put a hand on his fur and whispered soothing words, expertly calming the little fox while Aizen finished dressing the wound.

X

The next afternoon Aizen returned from work and settled down on the couch with a book. Gin was out with Rangiku and he was left with blissful silence. He found that he didn't quite appreciate it the way he used to though, his ears attuned for the voice to pop into the void as it tended to when he was alone. He couldn't tell if the quiet laughter in his head was it or his imagination.

He remembered the soft smile Gin had given him when he'd said 'you saved him' like Aizen had confirmed something. It had warmed him through yet he felt dirty, he wasn't half the person Gin saw and if he ever learned the truth…

He felt something hit his hand where it lay on the couch holding the unread book. He looked down to see Tsuku and put the book down as the fox crawled into his lap.

He stroked Tsuku absently, thinking about the fox and the storm. His mind wandered back to a conversation he'd once had with Gin about standing with someone in rain. Initially he'd thought it'd been Gin's subtle way of saying 'yeah if it's someone worth it'. Now he wasn't so sure it'd been meant that way, though he could freely admit that he wasn't worth standing by. No one in their right mind would disagree with that and even if he were it was still too dangerous.

He couldn't risk Gin like that, not in the long term. He'd never say it but between the tame façade he kept up to protect his place in Soul Society and the game he played with Gin he was getting tired. It was so hard to just keep getting up and juggling all the damn acts, never able to just be himself. He was even starting to slip up around Gin and that was unacceptable.

Tsuku licked his hand, he marveled at how calm the little male was compared to his other foxes, maybe he wouldn't regret this after all. It felt good to let his guard down just a little. This fox was first thing he'd had that could be described as a friend since Yuki died. Maybe that would make pushing Gin away bearable. He cut off that line of thought, he couldn't get attached or he'd wind up in the same damn place, with the little fox in danger. No he would have to leave it with Gin, for an absurd moment he wanted to just give up. Why keep fighting when every time he got a handhold it broke off? He drew an unsteady breath and shook off the morbid thoughts. Tsuku licked his hand some more and wagged its tail as if to say 'good job'. He fought a smile and rose carrying the fox to the piano he began playing one of his compositions for Gin.

_Sleeping peacefully_

_Is who I used to be._

_Until I fell so deep_

_A never-ending tragedy_

The fox let out a keening whine and pawed at its ear.

"You don't like my playing?" he asked faux-offended. "That's the problem with animals and by that I mean most people too. No taste. Well one of the problems anyway."

He tried a couple of other pieces and was finally rewarded with happy yips as he began a piano version of 'Cyanide'. He wondered if the fox would still like it if it knew the words. He got lost in playing and before long heard the door open. He rose to greet Gin as he entered.

"I see ya' two've bonded," Gin said surprised and clearly pleased.

"I seem to have that effect," he said with a pointed look and Gin blushed. In truth, he was just as surprised to find he'd carried the little animal out with him.


	10. Entwined

**A/N: From Salazar Marvolo for TheDrunkenWerewolf and TheFoxPack. I love you guys and I hope you enjoy this piece of fluffy happiness. And Smut. Mostly Smut.**

**Summary: **"I do believe his mouth is heaven, his kisses falling over me like stars." - Richard Siken.

**Timeline: **Can be placed between SI and SIA. Or after the both.

Part in italic taken from 'Say it' by TheDrunkenWerewolf

* * *

**Entwined**

Gin pulled a face as he felt the first tickles of the morning sun on his nose. With a low groan he hoisted his body around and buried his head into his pillow, hoping to block out the brightness of the day. A sleepy chuckle next to him made him turn his head and glare halfheartedly at his lover; deciding halfway through that opening his eyes was too much of a hassle and swatting into his general direction instead.

"Shu' up!" He mumbled.

The chuckling only grew louder. Gin finally fully cracked his eyes open and sent Sousuke a full-blown glare.

"Ohh come on Gin, you were just too cute." Sousuke teased lightly. Banter in the morning. The usual. Voices sleepy but teasing. A remark to their shared intimacy.

"M' not cute."

'_Extremely cute.'_ Shinsou laughed into Gins mind.

Gin pouted, he made a grab for one of their many pillows and launched it straight into Sousukes face.

The other man blinked at him owlishly for a few seconds. It was Gins turn now, to laugh at his expression. The pillow had managed to tousle up Sousuke bed-hair even more and a few feathers had left the pillow upon impact, landing on his head and shoulders.

Sousuke seemed to have finally gotten over his initial surprise because a small smirk wormed its way onto his face.

"Ohh Gin, that was a mistake." He told him. Kyoka Suigetsu cackled in the back of his mind. This show of disobedience could after all not go unpunished.

Gin swore he saw two little horns spouting out of Sousukes head before his brown-haired lover started launching an avalanche of pillows at him.

Gin shrieked in a very unmanly manner, causing Sousuke to laugh at him even louder.

It rang true and surprising in the stillness of the morning, this show of unadulterated happiness coming from Sousuke. It seemed to be...a good day. Filled with sunshine. Filled with brightness. Like stars sparkling down on them.

Shinsou joined into their laughter, his voice reverberating through Gins head loudly.

Their morning was filled with feathers, laughter and disheveled appearances. Gin had no idea how long their war went on for, but it was a hard battle. Neither of them wanting to yield, both using every weakness they knew about the other to make him give up. He was sure he had rarely seen Sousukes face this open, this gentle - this...true?

Finally, Sousuke put his hands up. "Truce!" He called, panting and catching his breath as he put down the pillow with which he had been aiming at Gins face.

Gin also slowly lowered his own weapon. He let himself fall back onto the bed, causing the springs to groan underneath his weight. He started laughing uncontrollably, laugh after laugh helplessly tumbling from his mouth. Aizen joined him after a few seconds, landing on the bed next to Gin and clutching his stomach in laughter. Tears were threading at the edges of their vision but each time they turned to look at each other and the sheer number of feathers surrounding them, they once again lost all composure.

"Tha'…was one of the most childish things we hav' ever done." Gin finally got out.

'_Possibly the most childish one.'_ Shinsou supplied unhelpfully.

Another small chuckle escaped Aizen. "I believe, Gin, that you are about the only person that can manage to…unravel me quite this spectacularly."

"'Unravel'?" Gin mocked, raising an eyebrow. Sousuke raised his eyebrow back at him challengingly.

"Yes. You wind me up and unravel me in the same breath. My lovely Gin." Sousuke said.

He was lying on his side now, looking at Gins face. Gently he took ahold of Gins hand and brought it to his mouth littering the back of it with small kisses.

Each one filled with reverence.

His kisses were light as butterfly wings, lips soft on Gins skin. As if Gin would break should Sousuke breath too hard. As if holding his hand was something precious and delicate.

Gin was sure that Sousukes lips were nothing but heaven, the kisses he was allowed to feel upon his skin nothing other than stars burning their way through Sousukes mouth to be bestowed upon him.

And just like stars they would die with a large spark - a shooting star upon his skin, setting his nerves on fire.

Gin blushed, red dusking his ears and cheeks as he turned his head and watched his lover worship him. Sousuke caught his gaze and gently scraped his teeth over Gins finger. Ever so slowly he let his tongue lick over the digit all the way from his knuckle to his nails.

Gin swallowed heavily. The first tendons of arousal were already coiling low in his abdomen. There truly was no escaping from Aizen Sousuke. The man could make him utterly furious with a single word and crave his every touch with a single finger.

Or in this case…with his mouth alone. His mouth alone – which was heaven. His kisses the weight of stars.

Almost lazily Aizen slipped Gins finger into his mouth. His own heated gaze had never left Gins. Ever so slowly he took the finger in deeper. A rumbling moan left Gin as he felt the velvety heat around him, a clever tongue already squirming and cheeks hollowing as Sousuke sucked on him.

Sousukes eyes were fluttering, the taste of copper had filled his mouth and Gins finger was both soft and rough. He could feel the small scars marring his skin, a memento to the times he had spent in the Rukongai. He swallowed around him, a low moan escaping him as the metallic tang on his tongue flooded his whole cavern.

Gin was watching him, his eyes burning with need. Sousuke let his gaze flicker downwards. He wasn't surprised when he saw Gins hips twitching; wishing for the friction and release only Sousuke could give him.

Just as slowly as it had started Sousuke let Gins finger slip free. A disappointed little moan reached his ears and he grinned at Gin before pulling him closer. Making him gasp at the suddenness of the motion.

Their breath was mingling in the short distance between their faces. Heat rolling over their skin as they devoured each other with their eyes.

"Something you want?" Sousuke taunted quietly, leaning closer and bumping his nose against Gins.

Gin almost growled as he leaned closer and closed the last infuriating distance between their lips. Sousuke grinned into the kiss, which earned him a hard nip from Gin. He moaned at the pain and passion his Gin exhibited. The silver-haired man all but crawled on top of him, settling down in Sousukes lap and rolling his hips while he kept their lips sealed in their urgent heated battle.

"Ngh-my." Kiss. "aren't you nnmm." Kiss. Suck. "eager?" Sousuke finally got out as Gin continued to kiss him.

Gin finally left Sousukes lips and wandered form his mouth down to his chin and jaw, he paused at his neck sucking a deep bruise into the skin so deliciously laid out for him. Sousukes hands had found their way onto Gins hips, one dropping lower and grabbing his ass harshly as the other man bit and sucked at his throat.

Gin pulled back. His face was flushed with heat, pupils blown wide. His lips were swollen and silver hair sticking up –

A small laugh escaped Sousuke.

Gin looked at him in confusion. "Wha'?" he asked.

Sousuke cleared his throat before answering, suppressing another smile and laugh with much effort. "Uhm…you have…feathers…"

That's as far was he got before another laugh was ripped from his throat. Gin reached up with his hand and fingered his hair, pulling at a few strands. He caught something soft and quickly pulled it out. There, rather innocently, sat three white feathers in his hand.

Gin rolled his eyes. "Ya're not much better." He said and pulled a few feathers out of Sousukes brown hair.

"Guess not." Sousuke hummed happily. Without warning he pulled Gin back down, crushing his lips together with his own.

"NNmm." Gin made before giving in to the sensation of Sousukes velvet tongue working his lips open and battling with his own. His hips started rolling against Sousukes on their own accord. The other man's answering hardness was pressing into Gins stomach with Gin rubbed himself against Sousukes thigh, getting high on the delicious friction his movements were causing.

"Too many fuckin' clothes." Gin gasped out and started pulling at the Yukata his lover was wearing.

Aizen, too far gone to argue, simply nodded and pulled at the cloth covering Gins shoulders. When the first patches of Gins white porcelain skin were revealed he didn't hold back another second and clutched Gin tightly to him, littering his shoulder and neck in wet, open-mouthed kisses. Gins head tipped back, allowing Sousuke to scrape his teeth against his pulse point and sucking hickeys into his skin.

Long fingered hands were gliding down his sides and body, digging into his skin and pulling and pushing at him. They were creating a desperate rhythm, the sucks Sousuke delivered matching the thrusts of their hips as their bodies pressed together again and again.

Sousuke pulled harder on Gins Yukata letting it slide down his back and pooling at his waist in a puddle of fabric. He reached out once again but Gin stopped him with a hand on his chest.

He leaned closer, brushing his lips against Sousukes ear and letting his hot breath fan across the fine hairs on his neck.

"I want ya." Gin rasped lowly. He could hear the hitch in Sousukes breaths as he whispered those words. _"Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul."_ Gin added breathlessly.

Reminding Sousuke of that glorious night when Gin had heard those three sweet words spilling from his lips. And no matter how much Sousuke wished to deny it; he had loved every second of it just as Gin had.

.

.

.

_"'Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul.'"_

"_Sousuke." Gin whispered, his breath full of anticipation and excitement. And even some arousal._

"_And this line here," Aizen turned the pages, pointing to an underlined phrase surrounded by copious amounts of his notes._

"_'And I looked and looked at her, and I knew as clearly as I know I am to die, that I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else.'"_

.

.

.

"_I didn' know ya could feel like this. So good and tight... ya fit me like a glove."_

.

.

.

"_Ya know, I can see why ya hate giving up being on top. The view is exquisite."_

.

.

.

"_I love you, Gin."_

.

.

.

Sousuke shuddered helplessly as he remembered that night. The feeling of Gin on top of him…inside of him. Torturing him so beautifully with the thrusts of his hips.

"Yes." He whispered breathlessly, pulling Gin closer, pressing bruises into his hips with the force of his hands on Gins waist.

Gin chuckled lowly. "Ohh Aizen-sama." He whispered tauntingly. "Won't ya strip fer me?"

Sousuke almost instantly pulled back from Gin and shed his Yukata, all but throwing it aside as he got to work on untying the knot that was keeping Gins own Yukata on his body. Soft curses flew from his lips before he managed to unravel the fabric and dumped it unceremoniously onto the floor right next to his own.

"Happy?" He asked, turning back towards Gin and smirking at him, displaying his body to him unashamedly.

"Ohh yes, quite." Gin purred and crawled on top of Sousuke.

A sharp nudge to his shoulder made Sousuke land back on top of the pillows. A few feathers were blow up due to his impact and fluttered around them for a few seconds, looking like overly large snowflakes covering their sheets.

Gin didn't pay them much attention as he dove right into Sousuke. He sealed their lips together once again, their bodies were pressing together – shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. There was not an ounce of space left between them as their naked bodies pressed together. A low moan left both of them at the intimate contact.

"Sousuke." Gin slurred. "I wanna turn ya over and fuck ya until ya can't move…Make ya come for me. Ya were so pretty last time. Beggin' me an' all."

Sousukes breath had sped up again. He shot Gin a confident grin despite this.

"Want to make me beg, do you? I wish you the best of luck on that endeavor, dear Gin."

"Ohh I don' need luck." Gin whispered and leaned over Sousukes face. "Not when I know how bad ya want me."

Before Aizen could answer, Gin had already pulled him into a harsh kiss. There was no grace in this. All tongue, teeth and passion. Gin could taste the tang of blood on his lips, he didn't care whether it was Sousukes or his own – only deepening their kiss and continuing to bite at Sousukes lips, chasing the taste. Wanting more. Craving more.

Pulling back from their kiss. A string of salvia and blood connected them, Gin licked it away slowly before leaning in closer again.

"Turn over, Sousuke." He whispered into his ear hotly.

The fact that Sousuke didn't need any more probing and didn't argue only showed how desperately he wanted this too.

"On yer hands and knees." Gin said, watching his lover get into position. He chuckled as he saw Sousuke swing his hips enticingly. He couldn't quite resist reaching out and slapping Sousukes ass quick and hard. The startled yelp and moan escaping his lover proved it to be the right decision.

"Ohh? Ya like this?" Gin asked, as he brought his hand down and placed another slap onto Sousukes ass. A broken moan was the only answer he got.

Gin leaned forward and covered Sousukes back with his body, kissing his neck and shoulder blade. He pressed his erection directly against Sousukes ass, sliding it up and down ever so slowly.

"Ya want this, don't ya?" He whispered into Sousukes ear, before Sousukes could even manage to formulate an answer, Gin had already sucked his earlobe between his teeth and was gnawing at it gently. Instead of words a hot puff of air was all the other man could manage.

Slowly Gin got upright again and looked at the broad back in front of him which was stretched out – for him to touch. To mark. He reached out and ran his fingernails down Sousukes sides, watching long stripes of red appearing on his lover's skin. His ass had also turned a lovely shade of red from the slap Gin had given it.

Gin bend over and pressed a long kiss on the reddened skin. Sousukes breaths sped up almost immediately. Gin let his lips and tongue glide over Sousukes hot flesh for a few seconds. Biting into his ass cheeks gently before he reached out with his hands and spread them apart.

A long moan left Sousuke as he felt Gins breath against his opening. His lovely fox was always full of surprises.

Hot wetness slid over his opening ever so slowly. Sousukes breath caught before he released it all in one go. His mind had been dipped into a bucket of white paint. There was nothing but pleasure. Nothing but Gins tongue slipping over his pucker and teasing the rim of his opening, slipping his tongue inside and causing a white, hot flame of pleasure to flare up within him.

"Hah-Gin. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Yeah. Like – Ah- Like that!" He wasn't even sure what he was saying. Everything in the world had narrowed down to Gin and his wonderful mouth.

A desperate and displeased moan left his as Gins mouth moved away for a few seconds. Not a moment later he felt a finger slowly work his was inside of him, the tongue went back to work on his rim, dipping inside and joining the finger in opening him up.

It was slow torture.

Sweet torture.

His erection was hanging heavy between his legs, precome drooling form the tip and creating a small puddle between his legs. His back arched against Gins mouth and finger -fingers? He wasn't quite sure anymore. The wet squelching sounds filling the room were accompanied by his own breathless pants and admissions. His Gin truly knew how to make him beg.

But only Gin.  
Only ever Gin.

Nobody else would ever be allowed to reduce him to this.

Gins mouth vanished. Sousuke was pretty sure that a whine escaped him when it did – judging from Gins chuckles he truly had.

"Just a moment, Sousuke." Gin whispered, already pressing kisses to his shoulder to pacify him.

Gin slid into position behind him. The blunt head of his cock was pressing against Sousukes opening hotly.

"Ready?" Gin asked.

His question almost didn't register. Sousuke was so focused on not simply thrusting his hips back and impaling himself on Gins length. When the words finally registered in his pleasure ridden mind he nodded quickly.

"Come, Gin – Hurry. Fuck me." He panted out, arching his back some more and pressing back against Gin ever so slightly. Causing the tip to slide it a little bit further. Sousuke moaned as he felt himself stretch.

Gin pressed forward gently, sliding himself in inch by inch. He was gripping onto Sousukes hips, keeping the other from thrusting back against him - forcing him to feel Gin enter him ever so slowly. Feel every single inch Gin gave him.

Just to be a tease Gin slowly slid out again, about halfway inside of Sousuke, he started the torturous circle again and filled Sousuke slowly once again.

"Fuck – Fuck – Gin! Hurry up – Damn. Fuck."

It was exquisite, holding his lover in this position. Giving and denying him pleasure at his whim. He was sure it had taken him minutes until he was finally fully sheathed inside of Sousuke. A low moan escaped him as Gin felt the wet heat.

"So good, Sousuke. Ya're so beautiful like this, ya know? Takin' my cock that way." Gin said.

"Fuck me already!" Sousuke snapped back, thrusting his hips helplessly to get Gin moving.

Gin chuckled and pulled out slowly. He snapped his hips forwards again with more force, quickening his movements with ever thrust. Sousuke was moaning and panting and cursing beneath him. His thrusts became more forceful the more he hit the perfect spot inside of Sousuke – feeding his own high by causing his lover more pleasure.

He held still after a few minutes of this. Looking down at where him and Sousuke were fused together. It felt like his groin had melted into Sousukes heat. No beginning and no end.

Entwined.

Two halves of a whole becoming one.

Gin snapped his hips forwards again. Sousuke screamed. The bed creaked loudly. But Gins movements weren't slowing.

"Fuck. – Yes. Fuck! Harder. Gin! Harder!" Sousuke moaned, taking in Gins cock helplessly as the other thrusted in and out of him, striking his pleasure spot every time.

A sharp cry was all the warning Sousuke managed before he came all over their sheets. Gin not far behind as he felt Sousukes muscles contract around him and squeezing him deliciously.

The collapsed, sweaty and panting onto the bed.

Sousuke groaned. Gin got up and tried to slip out of him as gently as possible, a low hiss coming from his lover told him that his efforts, while appreciated, couldn't quite take away the discomfort.

"Ya okay?" Gin asked him softly.

Sousuke nodded and shot Gin a lazy smirk. Before Gin could ask him about it the other man had already reached out and flicked something away from his nose. A lone white feather flew up and landed on the bedsheets between them.

Gin laughed. Sousuke chuckled.

A bright grin on his face Sousuke grabbed hold of one of the pillows next to him and took new aim.

"Wait! No!" Were the last words Gin managed before they went back to shrieking and laughing and turning their bedroom into a warzone.


	11. New Song, Same Old Dance

**A/n: **I own nothing, TheDrunkenWerewolf owns the voice and created heirverse, citrus by SesshomaruFreak. **  
**

**Written to: **'Despicable' by Grandson, 'Heaven or Hell' by Digital Daggers, 'Demons' and 'Monster' By Imagine Dragons 'Twisted' by Missio and 'Mine Would be You' by Blake Shelton.

**Place in timeline:** Late game directly after 'Fisher'.

**Summery: **Aizen rethinks his situation and more importantly Gin's, after the battle with Grand Fisher.

**Written by: **Timewaster123456789 and SesshomaruFreak

* * *

**New Song, Same Old Dance**

* * *

I showed my hand last night. This is unacceptable. In light of the voice's increased aggression, continued closeness, let alone open neediness on my part is likely to be detrimental possibly fatal to me but more importantly to you. If nothing else, yesterday's events have shown me how dangerous our situation is becoming. I'm being disingenuous, forgive me it's a bit of a habit, you might say my art. My situation has been dangerous since I made the pact or before, I'm choosing to place you in that same situation for my own comfort and sanity and it must end.

Put simply you are better off without me, I'm not sure that I can say the same, I wish I could. For many years I thought, hoped that would be the case. Sheer arrogance, another habit of mine, I never thought I'd be this weak, but it needs to stop. Precisely _because_ I'm weak and the voice will use that now that it knows, now that in my fear I've confirmed it. I signed your warrant and all I can do is make sure you're not around for it to be executed. I never thought I'd fear anything again and that surety gave me strength, my foolish belief that the voice had nothing to hold over me. No longer, and I can feel its pleasure.

I admit that years ago, in a couple of weaker moments I would reveal myself, a trembling hand, allowing my voice to shake.

'_Allow?'_ the voice is whispering at me, sneering, I can ignore it...for now.

At first I thought you just weren't good with subtlety. Over time though I saw—and here can admit: admired-—how perceptive you were and realized that you simply didn't want to know. You chose to not know how broken I was. I can hardly blame you, I was being pathetic, an attention whore and after all you were already getting what you wanted. I would have done the same had our positions been reversed. In fact ninety-nine point seven percent of the time I was grateful for this. I'm fully aware you would leave if you knew the truth, who wouldn't? _I_ would avoid me if I could. The voice was right about one thing, this is never going to get better. Our relationship whatever it was, was never meant to last, never could last.

But then why did you save me from Grand Fisher? I think that the implicit acknowledgement that maybe you need me half as much as I need you was part of the reason I lost control. No more excuses though, no more clinginess, no more bullshit I need to get you out of this mess.

In fact maybe I should just tell you? It would be the quickest way to end this even if my pride recoils from the thought.

'_If you tell him, he'll alert the authorities,'_ the voice snarls, ' _I can't allow that.'_

'_He won't,' _I reply, it's not faith it's fact.

'_Our mission is too important to take that risk.'_

'_There's no risk.'_

'_Yeah there is,' _the voice says ominously and I'm treated to visions of your bloody, broken corpse.

'_So be it,' _I snap, though I know it's futile.

'_I'm in your head! Don't bluff me,' _the voice retorts. '_Really I'm disappointed, I thought you were better than that.'_

X

I leave early for work so I can get a little time to think before you arrive at the office. I need to think, plan. I would prefer to do this in a way that won't make you actually hate me. I know that's selfish but I really don't want you to hate me. The day passes and I come up with nothing, no plan, no new angle. I can't even do _this _right. I should be able to do this in my sleep I cast people off all the time but now? I can't even think straight.

That night we go out. I take you to the Wolf Den, it's a little lowbrow for my taste but you're more comfortable going back to your roots and I as always, have an ulterior motive. You get a little wasted and so I try to redirect your energy toward the bartender who's obviously checking you out. This never goes well but I'm running out of options so again I try to remove you, gently.

I will never understand how you are so oblivious. Don't you know how gorgeous you are? How much better you could do? I've come to the conclusion that you have one of two motives. Either you're status climbing, which would make sense, I know how insecure you are even if you won't admit it. I've tried to help, have probably made it worse knowing me. The other option is that maybe you just like knowing that you _can_ do better. It might be a simple power play, that seems more likely than you caring about what anyone thinks.

I direct your attention back to your suitor, you get a short attention span when you're drunk.

"Eh. 'E ain't you," you reply smoothly.

"Still you could do worse," I say and for the record, I blame drink for the choked way the words come out. Thankfully you either don't notice or chalk it up to drink as well.

"Said I'm not interested. Whas' wi' ya t'night?" You ask. _For once_ _I'm trying to put your interests first._ _I want you to pursue literally any option other than me. He could give you what I can't, with his whole, intact heart, _is what I want to say. Instead, I paste on a smirk.

"You know I might not always be around," I sneer, glad my voice doesn't crack despite outward confidence. You swat me and don't even dignify it with a reply. I laugh even though what's left of my black, burned heart bleeds for you. Don't you know, at least guess how much better off we'd both be if I weren't in your life?

I 'm poison, the voice is poison. Please leave while I still have some self-control. I want you to be safe. Please go away, before I remember how lost I'll be without you. I take another shot though I know I don't need it, I'm already buzzed and I should really keep my edge tonight.

I can tell that I've annoyed you and it doesn't take some one of my intellect to know how. I just wish you knew how much I have your interest, as well as mine at heart. I'm deluded, mad, insane, broken, pathetic. Don't you get it? You'd be dodging a hado, yet still you profess your loyalty.

X

Gin watched Aizen take another drink, confident, suave, powerful everything that he wished _he_ was. _You're still trying to push me to that blond bitch. I don't get it. Are you sick of me? If so why not just say it? I've seen how cruel you can be, why pull punches now? _he wondered.

Aizen looked pained. He wished he knew how to help, wished that he could _offer _help without insulting his husband, but how did one help the sun? Aizen never had liked hubris in anyone but himself. Gin could imagine his reaction to such an effort easily enough, so he held his peace and thought back to the previous night when his sun had seemed less a god and almost, dare he say: human.

Gin knew that he was flattering himself to believe that Aizen could ever need him, the way he needed his sun. The thought almost made him laugh. Still Aizen seemed half-disgusted, half-pitying as he looked back at Gin. He would have assumed that he was about to break-up with him, if he didn't know that the chessmaster had no pity for his dupes.

He was aware that he was being self-pitying as well, but after the fight with Grand Fisher the day before he'd thought something had changed for the better, thought that maybe Aizen'd finally learned to trust him a little. He should have known better, but something had told him that it wasn't part of the game. That it'd come from a genuine, real place, a tiny flaw in the callousness that he wielded like a sword. Another part of him though, the part rational enough to deny his desire, the part Aizen had trained knew that it wasn't likely. Instinct versus rationality yet another way they were different.

X

I call for the check and we walk out hand in hand, you smile up at me a soft, tender thing, drink has pulled all the cunning from your eyes. I smile back and that necrotic heart breaks a bit more. With every gesture, every expression I lie and you fall for it, it used to bring me pleasure, might still if it was anyone but you. I feel lower than the lowest worm as I ply my art and simultaneously wrack my brilliant mind for a way out of this mess. The voice's laughter is distracting but there's nothing I can do about that. I realize we've stopped and you're staring up at Vulpecula.

"S' beautiful ain't it?" you ask, thoroughly engrossed in your favorite constellation.

"Like you," I reply, following the script, hating the part. You give me a playful shove and almost fall over, I steady you.

"Th'nks."

"Always," I lie. You melt, blushing and turn away, trying to cover it with a cough. I smirk because it's the way the script goes. I wonder how far you'll fall when I do push you off that cliff. I sincerely hope that someone will catch you, I'm sorry I can't. I'm sorry it went this far, that I can't protect you, that I have to toss you away. Really though you'll be better for it.

I feel you tug my hand and you look back having started moving on without me. Fitting. I follow, the wind cuts through leafless trees like a cold knife and makes my eyes water, I raise my free arm for protection as we hurry along.

We get home and I watch as you set about making tea your hands shaking from the cold, I wonder how many more times I'll be able to. Not many hopefully, for eternity if I could. I can't. Mercy is not generally counted among my many talents but I'm doing this for you. You will be safer this way, happier, even if you never forgive me. It's ironic really you were the one person I never enjoyed hurting.

"Thanks," I say taking the cup of tea you give me. I take a sip to hide my expression and when I look up you're smiling, holding out a deck of cards, I make myself smile in return and we settle down to play. You've gotten much better over the years and can give me a real game now, as is befitting of my equal, my partner. I give up. Tonight I'll pretend that's still what you are and tomorrow I'll tell you you're nothing. We play long into the night and eventually sober up enough to switch to bridge.

"I think I'm done," you say, yawning and I feel a lump form in my throat even though logically I know you mean the game. Context is everything.

"Same, don't want to be too tired," I say putting the cards away.

"Like that would happen," you reply. I laugh that's the script just like the activities that will cap off the night. It doesn't matter that all I want is for this night to never end. It doesn't matter that like the addict who finally decides to quit after putting it off time and again I feel like this is the last night of my life. It doesn't matter that the primary thought in my mind is just to lie like we did last night for as long as possible and if something else happens fine, if not what difference does it make? As long as it meant I could enjoy the night a little longer. The slow drags on a last cigarette, half shots from a final bottle of sake.

It doesn't matter, you follow the same script and you don't know tonight's the finale.

X

Gin's mind was in overdrive as he led the older man down the hall to their room. Aizen had been acting the part tonight, but he'd seen the troubled expression when his companion had thought he wasn't looking.

But he was always looking.

He wondered what could be so distracting as to trouble the chessmaster. Wondered if perhaps he was thinking of someone else.

Well, he knew how to fix _that._

When they reached their room, Gin had Aizen sit on the edge of the bed, then slowly, teasingly, stripped. Dark brown eyes were fixed on him, no longer looking as troubled.

He stepped out of the puddle of clothes at his feet and approached his lover. Seductively, he undressed the taller Soul Reaper, then climbed in his lap. Finally, the dark eyes cleared completely, fully focused on him and full of desire.

They moved together, complementing each other's moves. It was their private dance, one Gin hoped they'd never stop dancing.

X

I wake the next morning and smile when I see you next to me before remembering that this may be the last time. I leave you your tea for what may, WILL be the last time and go into work. I swagger into division headquarters, it's overkill and the voice is bitching that I'll blow our cover but I don't care. I need to project confidence or people will know something's up. I can see the envy in the lower ranks eyes and hear the whispers going around, the rumor mill already kicking into gear.

I don't particularly care what people think as long as you're at my side but it's still good for the ego to see people take note of my power and jockey for position and favor. At that point, very shortly you won't be at my side. When I ditched Uruhara, I was already planning how I was going to flaunt your affection for maximum effect. I was already riding the old thrill of rejecting someone, showing them how worthless they are, how superior I am. I feel none of that this time, just a bone deep ache and sadness.

"What's got you in such a good mood Aizen-taichou?" my fourth seat asks, handing me the day's requisition forms.

"I don't kiss and tell," I smirk.

"You only kiss G…Ichimaru-Fukutaichou," he says changing his words at my glare. That feels good too.

"Unless that's not true," he perks up. I smirk even though the mere thought disgusts me. Let the rumor mill run, maybe that will help scare you off.

I sit down at my desk and begin going through the reports. My mind's not on the task, it's again going double speed trying to figure out what to say to you. My fourth seat gave me an idea. An idea that would make clear my desire to get rid of you and at the same time hopefully ameliorate the pain of the break-up a little. I leave the completed promotion recommendation on my desk and set about pulling strings to get Kira for your vice. Always five moves ahead, I can simply make sure someone is there to catch you.

When I told you the story of Clytie and Helios I think you missed the point. It wasn't about love, I'm incapable of that at least in the sense that other people have the capacity. Some of it was seduction sure but there are layers to everything right? Context is everything and that was not a declaration of love at least not solely. It was a warning and for both our sakes, I wish and will wish until my dying day that you'd heeded it.

I go home late that night as usual, in apparently vain, hopes that you'll choose to leave as I ignore you more and more, act more distant in an effort to make you look for better companionship. You pretend not to notice but eventually you must see that I don't want you and why again do you pretend to want me? You answer the door with Cherry in your arms, a big smile and I can smell the meal you've cooked on the table.

"What's the occasion?"

"Ah got bored," you reply with a mischievous smile. Well maybe on you it's just a smile, my cunning little fox. I raise an eyebrow and enter. We eat dinner, unwinding from the day and I say nothing. Despite the sword hanging over our heads, things don't seem quite so dark, the situation not quite so dire and I wonder what I'll do once my light is gone.

'_Coward. You aren't worried about Gin you're just scared. He'll be better off without you. You on the other hand…_ ' as usual the voice is going on about things I already know. Your laughter cuts across it and I suppress a sigh. I don't want to ruin the moment, for now I'll pretend that everything will work out, that every evening will be like this for the rest of my life. Tomorrow I'll tell you that you're nothing. It's my deepest desire that you find the peace and happiness that you have afforded me, my deepest regret that I cannot provide it.

I love you Gin.


	12. One Love, One Life

**A/N: By Salazar Marvolo for Wolfie and the Pack. Enjoy; I really hope you like this. Much love from me. Song by U2, One Love One Life.**

**Summary: **Kintsugi - the japanese art of fixing broken pottery by filling the cracks with Gold.

**Timeline:** 'Can We Survive This?', Gin dreams of Aizen while sleeping on the couch.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything.

* * *

**One Love, One Life**

Taken from 'Can We Survive This?' Chapter 3:

_Once dried and dressed, he made his way quietly down the stairs again, lingering for a long moment in the living room. Watching his Gin sleep. He couldn't help the soft smile as he watched._

_Ah, my Gin, after all these years you still do look so peaceful when you sleep._

_That is if you are still my Gin._

_He thought about that for a moment. Certain of nothing expect the fact that Gin's earlier question would haunt him forever._

'_Do I mean nothing to you?'_

_He took a few steps closer, hovering over Gin's sleeping form. Feeling a wave of tenderness wash through him when he saw Shinsou, the silver fox sword spirit, held close in his master's arms. Sword and wielder both sound asleep. Gin hugging the creature close like a teddy bear. Sousuke watched them quietly for a few moments, before Gin groaned softly in his sleep, quietly calling out to him._

"_Sousuke"_

.

.

.

Gin was dreaming. He knew he was. Life was happy. Life was simple. Che-che was sitting next to him, on Sousuke lap while Ran had her camera aimed at them, a bright grin on her face as she made them do all sorts of poses for the perfect picture.

A perfect day. That's what it had been. Gin didn't think he could ever have been happier, even if he tried. He remembered back in the day when he had doubted them. Had doubted Sousukes feelings for him, his intentions – yet wished for them to be true. He saw them in his mind's eye…all those times Sousuke had touched him, reliving them in his dream.

'_Your hand fits mine, don't you agree?'_

'_I think they fit perfectly together…our palms…our fingers…'_

How many times had he questioned the things Sousuke had told him? Sousuke with his deep voice and soft brown eyes – whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

How many times had he doubted – yet trusted this man?

How many times had he lied awake at night wondering…if Sousuke really felt the same?

'_Ohh Gin, just admit you like him. Life would be so much easier if you did.'_

Wasn't it Ran that had told him that? He wasn't so sure about her assessment any longer. Had his actions been painted by suspicion before he couldn't help but feel that they were justified, now that the worst has come true.

.

.

.

_Is it getting better  
Or do you feel the same?_

.

.

.

But Sousuke had to go and do it…had to go and throw away the one good thing they had. It made him wonder, even caught in a dream…

'_You make delightful sounds.'_

'_You make the most delightful sounds, Gin.'_

…Had he done it to escape? Was it Sousukes way of making Gin hate him? Making Gin be the one to be disgusted with Sousuke. Disgusted enough to not want his touch, nor share his bed. Had he needed someone to blame? Had that someone been himself? Will that make it easier on him? Without Gin he had nothing he truly cared about, nothing he deeply cared about. Without Gin he was cold and hard and unyielding. Without Gin…who was Aizen Sousuke?

.

.

.

_Will it make it easier on you now?  
You got someone to blame_

.

.

.

They had had their love. Mutual and strong. A bond Ran had often swooned about. They whispered to each other – words of love and comfort. Words painted by gentleness. He still remembered how long it had taken him to get Sousuke to speak these three words that held all the meaning of the world.

'_I love you.'_ Even panted and gasped, desperation and damnation in his eyes – these words had been beautiful. Music to Gin's ears more so than any other sweet nothing before.

But love…love is like a flower.

And like a flower that blossoms in spring – come fall it will wither and die…unless you preserve it – warm it and water it. Nourish it and care for it.

Love is like a flower – beautiful and fragile. For the slightest change in wind and weather can mean its end.

Yet Gin still felt that love...caught in a Dream as he was. The anger and sadness, the betrayal that was burning his lungs from the inside out, it couldn't reach him here. Not here. Not in this Dream. Now he only felt...lonely.

.

.

.

_You say one love, one life  
It's one need in the night  
One love, get to share it  
Leaves you darling, if you don't care for it_

.

.

.

Any yet here Gin was – even in his dream seeing nobody but Sousuke – craving nobody but Sousuke.

And he couldn't help but question…had it been his fault? Had he done or said or conveyed something that would leave Sousuke dissatisfied – worse, disappointed in him? Was there something – anything to be found between the legs of that whore that was worth shattering years upon years of trust…of love?

And here Sousuke was…apologizing. As if it would help. As if his words could help. - Like Kintsugi. The art of fixing broken pottery by using gold. Enhance what was shattered. Aizens words had always been golden. Polished. Clean. Meaningful….precious.

And like using Kintsugi; here he was trying to fix them. Scooping up the scattered amounts of mutual love and gluing it back together with sweet words. – No. Not again.

Did Sosuke even know what it meant to love?

For Gin…for Gin it had been a dream. A life of love and companionship the likes he had never imagined beyond his friendship with Ran.

Gin had felt calm in his arms, safe in his eyes and loved in his presence…He had loved and loved and loved…and trusted…yet here he was.

And the sad, sad truth was that no matter how endlessly big the garden in front of him; he would have still picked the flower of their love. Would have cared for it and nourished it…and preserved it for eternity.

.

.

.

_Did I disappoint you?  
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?  
You act like you never had love  
And you want me to go without_

.

.

.

Gin was sleeping…yet the pain was real. It kept him in a state of dreamlike catharsis…asleep yet in agony.

Aizen and Gin. Gin and Aizen.

Their names attached to each other like a moth to a flame. You can't have one without the other. That had been their promise on that rainy day in the middle of the night – a sleepy pastor happily pronouncing them married.

And for Gin it hadn't been a whim – nor an idea spurred by the moment and a perfect night…no for Gin it had meant…Family. For Gin it had tied them together beyond anything else…

'_Till death do us part.'_ – And beyond.

.

.

.

_Well it's too late, tonight  
To drag the past out into the light  
We're one, but we're not the same  
We get to carry each other  
Carry each other_

.

.

.

Aizen and Gin. Gin and Aizen.

Two halves of a whole.

.

.

.

_One love  
One blood  
One life_

.

.

.

_One love, one life_

.

.

.

"_Sousuke."_


	13. Fxxk You

A/n: Woah-woah-oh-ohhh~

Started dictating but dragon quit on me because I ended up reading too aggressively/emotionally ayy.

summary/timeline: a scene taking place inside cwst, when Gin leaves the gladiolus for Sousuke, as one last 'fuck you'.

Notes: cwst spoilers [duh]. Game references [yay]. And Emotional Gunshots throughout because according to Time i'm a sadist [but hey if I gotta suffer and cry you have to, too!] Bring tissues :) inspired heavily by Circus-P's song ¼ that I strongly recommend listening to during or after reading this piece. Inspired by but less so by Marvyanaka-P's song 'Gone'. And please, support these producers :)

* * *

_Am I the only one, that's holding on for far too long?_

_Was it all just a dream?_

_Am I wrong?_

_Was there no 'You and Me'?_

_\- Circus-P [1/4]_

**Fxxk You**

**(By TheDrunkenWerewolf)**

Gin walked slowly back to the house, gladiolus in hand. Carrying it carefully. He wondered where he might put it. Treading quietly into the kitchen on bare feet, he closed and locked the door behind him. No point leaving the door open. He wasn't coming back. Not anytime soon, anyway. Perhaps not for a long time. Perhaps never. Never would be best, he thought bitterly.

His gaze drifted and landed on Sousuke's favourite mug, still sitting on the dining table. He winced at the memory of throwing it, smashing it to pieces. It felt wrong somehow, to see it whole again. Held together by glue, covered in cracks that could be seen if you looked close enough. Tiny little fractures interrupting the sleeping cat design painted on it. Gin would've wondered if it would even function as a mug anymore, only the mug held flowers, and flowers had to sit in water or else they'd die. Gin stared at them dumbly. Unable to stir up any feeling inside him at all. Feeling numb. Empty.

Hollow.

He flicked through his mental flower dictionary for the meanings of the flowers again.

Purple hyacinth: a plea for forgiveness.

Heliotrope: devoted affection.

Judas Tree: betrayal.

Altogether translating into: 'please forgive me for my betrayal. I love you.'

Still he felt nothing.

_Nice try, Sousuke,_ he thought. _But it won't work. I can't feel a thing for you now. How can I after what you did?_

He swallowed again, willing his hands to stop shaking. Telling himself it was just his body's reaction to the chill morning outside._ I feel nothing. He told himself, I feel nothing for him. I am numb, I am empty._

He repeated the words to himself, and it became his mantra._ I am empty._

_Empty is good. Empty is strong. I feel nothing._

_…Why can't I feel anything?_

He stared out of the flowers on the table, mocking him. _Lies, surely. They have to be._ It was simply too much for his shattered heart if they weren't. That made things harder. That made things complicated. Made his choice so much harder.

_All he ever does is lie._

He considered, for a moment, burning. Needed to practice his kiddos spells anyway and it would certainly make you feel better still obliterated painful things existed. Or at least he hoped it would. He didn't know with certainty if he would. But then, he wasn't certain of anything any more.

He looked at the flowers again, studying the petals of the heliotrope, the way they turned towards the light of the sun. In their language, on its own: 'I turn to you the way this flower turns to face the sun.'

There was a story about this. About Clytie, daughter of Oceanus and Tethys, who fell in love with the sun god, Helios. Sousuke told him the story, once, in bed one night after a rather vigorous round of lovemaking. Gin could remember him telling it, even hear his voice if he focused enough. Not that he wanted to right now.

Helios loved Clytie in return, and they were happy. Although, it didn't last. Helios had a wandering gaze, and abandoned her run away with another, and left her betrayed and heartbroken. Gin could relate to her. He too, had been betrayed, abandoned, and had his heart broken.

He could understand too, her vengeful attempts to get rid of his new lover, because he was angry, too. Didn't he want to go spew vitriol at Hinamori too? Even though it would probably accomplish nothing?

His shoulders sagged. He also understood what Clytie did after failing to win her Helios back; sitting on a rocky hillside and mourning for the love of her life. Watching him ride his chariot across the sky to bring daylight to the world. She did this for nine whole days before the gods took pity on her and turned her into the turnsole – the heliotrope – still to this day turning her head to gaze longingly at her beloved Helios.

Gin blinked back tears. Sousuke had told him that story, explaining the meaning of the heliotrope in their- Gin swallowed the bile in his throat -

…the flower language.

It seemed the man had been trying to tell him something, in hindsight. And hindsight was always a bitch.

_But didn't I know that? _Gin thought._ Didn't I know this might happen and pursue him anyway? I knew about his history, _he paused mid-thought. Swallowed. Thought or Urahara. _I knew his reputation._ Here, he thought of all the whispered gossip passed throughout the academy. _I knew what he was like. And yet I wanted him anyway. Because he said the right words and gave me flowers and- _here he had to bite his tongue almost, to stop more tears from coming. But it didn't work. Of course it didn't work. His body was too exhausted to fight them anymore. _Told me he loved me._

And at this, he remembered their wedding day. And all the promises they'd made to each other. He let his throat relax and the sob escape, though he nearly choked on it. _Just like everyone else. Just like every other fucker he's had._

He sniffed. Wiped his nose. Wiped his cheeks. Wished he had tissues.

I_ feel like a fool. I feel like Clytie. If he's Helios, then I'm his Clytie._

He sniffed again. _I was always your Clytie, wasn't I, Sousuke? I thought I was your other half, your soulmate, but... I was wrong, wasn't I?_

_I was wrong; there was no 'You and Me'._

_Is this true? Were you not feeling this too? Were you not feeling the same?_

_Am I the only one that's been holding onto a fantasy for far too long?_

_I guess you weren't. I guess I was. I don't know. I don't care._

_I wish I didn't care._

Gin took in a deep, shaky breath in an attempt to ground himself. Tame the wild animal that was his heart clawing and bashing against his ribcage and making him feel sick. At Sousuke for lying to him. At his own foolishness and naivety for believing the lies. For being so goddamn stupid and playing so beautifully and pathetically into his hands. Gin was sure that if he looked up the word 'fool' in the dictionary, there'd be a picture of his face.

Because the warnings were there. He just chose to ignore them. And now everyone, particularly Kyoraku Shunsui, would be saying _'I told you so'_. As if he didn't feel humiliated enough.

Gin wasn't sure which hurt worse. Sousuke's betrayal, or the humiliation that would follow when the news got out and the gossips pecked at the corpse of his marriage like the vultures they were. Not that it mattered. Either way, he was in for a world of pain and heartache. Did it really matter who dished it out?

After another attempt at a deep, calming breath, Gin closed his eyes for a moment. Hardening himself against any soft feelings he might still have for Sousuke, so that when he opened his eyes again, he would hurt less._ Empty is good. Empty is strong._

It would fail of course, but he had to try.

He made himself move on through the house, forced his mind to focus on his task. He had a flower to leave for Sousuke, and it couldn't be here. Not in the room with the heliotrope and the painful memories smashing him in the stomach every time he looked at it. One last dig from the Judas himself. As if he weren't hurting enough. As if the broken shards of the heart in his chest weren't cutting into him deeply enough.

Because all Gin ever did was love him. With everything he had. Because he'd Given Sousuke everything. His mind to mould. His heart to hold. His body to keep the cold rain away... _everything._

Yet _this _was how he'd been repayed. And _fuck_, did that sting. Was it _so hard_ to be loyal? Was it that difficult to keep a promise? Seriously, was it _so goddamn hard?_

Apparently so, if Sousuke could do this. If he could just walk away this easily. As if their time together meant nothing.

_Do I mean nothing to you?_ He'd asked. Guess he knew the answer. He'd known the answer before the words even left his mouth to form the question.

He dragged in another jagged, painful breath of cold air into his lungs. Even inside it was cold. Somewhere in his mind he knew homes were supposed to be warm. To be places of sanctuary and refuge... but, he supposed this wasn't a home anymore. Just a house. A building. Shared by two complete strangers instead of the married couple they were supposed to be. The lovers. Partners. Two halves of a whole.

They certainly weren't now. Not after this. In fact, Gin doubted they ever would be again. Actually, he knew they never would be again. How could they? After Sousuke did everything so perfectly to ensure their destruction?

Gin swallowed the lump in his throat. It seemed Sousuke really hadn't been feeling anything for him. Probably never had. Just playing the long game to stave off some boredom. _I guess it was all just a** lie.** A **game. **_

_**We** were a lie._

And yet – Gin could feel his throat constrict, choking off his air supply. As if he were drowning in the ocean. Sinking deeper and deeper, gasping for air. And yet there had been moments, fragments even, when Gin had really believed it. Really, honestly, truly believed Aizen Sousuke genuinely felt something for him.

He'd believed it on their wedding day. When they'd moved in together and Sousuke made him that first cup of tea.

He'd believed it on their first few dates. When they'd first kissed. First held hands. When they'd shared some Rukon Stew and had a magical evening together. When he first introduced Sousuke to Cherry-chan and on their first night together.

He'd even believed it when he'd been given the first gladiolus and received his first lesson on the importance of context in the flower language.

And even if he admitted it to no-one but himself – on some subconscious level, he'd believed it when Sousuke gave him that first red tulip.

No wonder it was so hard to breathe, with all these memories suffocating him. Because it was all just a dream. He'd been wrong, there was no 'him and Sousuke'. Just like how he'd been wrong about everything else.

_Am I losing my mind?_

Gin wanted to scream when he reached the top of the stairs. Because there was no way out, no way of escaping the wretched memories. They were everywhere, following him, hounding him, and at their heels, despair and humiliation. Panting, he shut himself in his bedroom. Or what used to be his bedroom, and slumped against the door, head in his hands. And he sat on the floor and wept. Bitter, hot, thick tears streaming down his face. He wept for the betrayal, his broken heart shattered by the one he loved most in the three worlds. He wept for the humiliation that would come when the news got out, particularly Captain Kyoraku's _'I told you so'_, because he'd been too blind and stupid to listen to his warning.

And he wept, too, because even in those final moments, right before their marriage died - when Gin was fighting the man's embrace and screaming _'Don't touch me!'_ \- he'd believed Aizen Sousuke genuinely felt love for him.

Gin sniffed and wiped his face. What had Aizen been expecting? He dragged in another shaky, unsteady breath, remembering the flowers downstairs. And felt vitriol bubble up inside him again.

_What were you expecting, Sousuke? _His thoughts railed. _Was I supposed to be okay, with everything that you did?_

Gin clenched his fists so hard his knuckles were white, and his hands shook with unexpressed rage and pain. The purple hyacinth flashing under his eyelids.

_I am **broken**. I am **hurting**. And I'm meant to **forgive?!**_

He sucked in air through clenched teeth. _You cut me to pieces. **Killed** our marriage! **Destroyed** me! It's **YOUR** fault I'm a complete fucking **WRECK!**_

Gin sighed shakily, still trembling with rage, but that was steadily giving way to hurt and heartache again, and his head leant back against the door. Tired.

_I wish I could make you see that._

_I smiled for you like never before, but now its forever gone. You won't see me smile like that anymore. Smiling. Happy. You destroyed me._

_I want you to see how you've made me feel._

_I want you to feel my pain..._

He opened his eyes again, and that's when he saw it. The chessboard. The one he'd been hoping to surprise Sousuke with. The pretty glass showpiece. Unused. Unopened.

Paired with the gladiolus by his feet – it would be perfect.

Gin rose to his feet slowly, set the board on the bedside table at his side of the bed, and set the gladiolus next to it. On the coaster Sousuke always set his morning tea on. Every day. Without fail. And Gin set that vase down very carefully, as if it would explode at any moment. Remembering very vividly waking up to that very first mug of tea the day after they'd moved in together. Feeling like an idiot for believing Aizen Sousuke loved him in that moment, too.

_I feel like an idiot fer believin' it. Believin' ya loved me._ Gin thought, as if he could transmit his thoughts to Sousuke. _But I guess there aint none so blind as those who don' wish ta see. Because I guess I didn't matter to you._

_But the worst part? _Gin thought, as he stood admiring his handiwork. A reply to the flowers downstairs he knew would absolutely fucking sting. Trying to hold back more tears and failing miserably.

_The worst part? I always knew._

_So here's my final **'fuck you!'**_

All the memories of their entire life together seemed to assault him all at once. Each one a stab to the heart. The lungs. All choking him, reminding him of his stupidity. Showing him just how big a goddamn fool he'd been to believe the words. Believe the Lie. Believe the Game.

And all he could do now about it was sit on the bed and cry. Until he felt brave enough to stand, pull himself together, and make himself walk out – and away from Aizen Sousuke.


	14. Growing Back Together: Rainfall

A/n: because I will go down with this ship. And the mug always gets to me, everytime, without fail :(

Notes: late cwst scene. Fluffyish. Author is aware of the hubris of quoting herself in a planned later chapter she's sitting on so shush.

* * *

_Sometimes two people have to fall apart to realise just how much they need to fall back together._

_\- TDW [Can We Survive This?]_

**Rainfall: growing back together**

**(By theDrunkenWerewolf)**

Gin sat by the open patio door, Cherry curled up beside him, as he watched the rain pour outside. Listening to the distant rumbles of thunder and catching glimpses of the occasional lightning flashing across the grey sky. They weren't very visible at the moment, but it would be dark soon. And that would improve the lightning's visibility tenfold. If he could just wait til nightfall he'd have a much better view of it...

He shifted his position to sit more comfortably on his floor cushion. Taking care not to knock over his mug that sat on the carpeted floor. Of course it had been sitting empty for a good while now but, it didn't hurt to be careful. He didn't want to break another mug.

He sat quietly, legs crossed as he gazed out at the storm. Imagining people running for cover and shouting for their children to come in out of the rain. Gin smiled softly to himself and stroked a dozing Cherry's head gently.

"Good girl, Che-Che," he murmured softly. Thinking of how frightened she used to become the second she heard thunder rumble. These days she was much better. So much more relaxed. He put it down to her not being a baby anymore, although that wasn't really true. She'd always be his baby fox kit. He guessed she'd just outgrown the fear of her youth. If only he could do the same...

He sighed softly. Maybe fear never really did go away. Maybe you just learned to live with it. Like how you lived with mistakes.

He glanced at the scorch marks on the wall and winced. That was one right there. He remembered that day clearly, though it was several years ago. He'd returned to pack some things to move over to Ran's and ended up losing his shit. Making an impromptu bonfire and trying to blow up all the evidence of his life and relationship with kidou. All those photographs... destroyed. Fragments of a life he'd thought, at the time, would be better off lost forever.

He'd have to live with that.

He thought of Sousuke's favourite mug as well. Shattered. Glued back together now but, still. The cracks were there. Would always be there.

He frowned. He'd have to live with that, too.

"Hey," Sousuke's voice brought him out of his thoughts. Gin looked up at him, seeing he was holding two mugs of steaming hot tea. One in the mug he'd just been thinking about. He tried not to look at t too closely.

"Mind if I join you?" Sousuke asked, a somewhat hopeful smile on his face. Immediately Gin softened his expression into a smile.

"Sure. Grab a cushion."

Sousuke set the mugs down and went off to get a cushion from the sofa to sit on. Gin watched him set it down opposite him by the doors so they could both look out at the rain. Tsuku came padding quietly up to them and set himself up so he and Sousuke were a mirror image of Gin and Cherry. When Sousuke was comfortable enough, he grabbed Gin's attention again.

"Oh, here," he said, offering one of the mugs to Gin, "I made this for you."

"Oh," Gin said, taking the mug off him. Finding the acceptance of it came easy. Before, he'd had to force himself to accept anything from the man. And he'd had to work hard not to throw any offered hot tea back in his face. "Thanks."

He smiled gently as he took a sip of the tea. His favourite. And looked at Sousuke again. Who was smiling that eager, hopeful smile again, though he was trying to hide it. Gin swallowed a sigh. Didn't he know how transparent he was?

"Mm. My favourite."

"Thought you'd like it." Sousuke smiled. And after that they lapsed into a companionable silence as they watched the rain pour. Sitting and drinking tea. Just like how it used to be...

And as Gin sat and watched the storm, enjoying the sounds the rain made on the glass doors, he stole a few glances at Sousuke. And he got to thinking, maybe things could be right again. Maybe, like the daffodils growing in the pots just outside that were just starting to shoot up from the ground, they could grow back together. Maybe all they needed was a little rain.

Gin finished his tea and set his empty mug down. Shifting quietly over to him and leaning against his lover's body. Resting his head on Sousuke's shoulder. The older man seemed to tense a little in surprise, but said nothing and quickly relaxed again, even leaning against Gin, too as they continued to watch the rainfall. Listening to it pelt against the glass, and the thunder rumble off in the distance.


	15. Monster in the Mirror

Summary: Mirror piece to the end of 'I Love' and the fallout that follows.

a/n: I own nothing. All the thanks to TheDrunkenWerewolf for her amazing, well thought out series, byakuyakuchiki for crossposting and SesshomaruFreak, Salazar Marvolo, HitsugayaKuchiki-HK and Spunky0ne for being a part of this project.

Written to: 'Monster' by Skillet, 'Monster' by Beth Crowley, 'Midnight thoughts' and 'Killer in the mirror' by Set It Off, " I see your monsters' by Katie Sky (nightcore).

Place in timeline: Should be read after Wolfie's 'I Love' as the first part of this is a mirror of the last two scenes from Aizen's pov and for the sake of not boring fans I only rehashed the salient points of their conversation.

* * *

"I shall despair. There is no creature loves me;

and if I die, no soul will pity me:

nay, wherefore should they, since that I myself

find in myself no pity to myself."

-Richard III, Act 5, Scene 3. From Jordan Peterson's 'A history lesson for political radicals' youtube lecture.

* * *

"Moon of my life," Aizen said as he broke the kiss. The words damned him, caught in his throat halfway through as a dagger of pain pierced his skull, the voice shrieking its rage. Gin replied in kind but Aizen didn't hear much after 'my sun'. The familiar chill spread through his limbs as the monster struggled for control raged and gnashed its teeth.

'NO! I just got him back NO!' he tried to force the voice away, clear his head but in the face of that rage-fueled will, his moment of panic was all it took. The only opening it needed. He slipped and the rest, well that was on him.

He shoved Gin away cursing himself, he'd never laid a hand on him in anger before, but it was better than the alternative. He tried to open his mouth, his jaw locked, muscles straining as he tried to scream, leave, get away, Run! Nothing came out. He was a mere puppet for the voice to use at will. His greatest fear was staring him in the face and he was worse than useless, he was the perpetrator, powerless to stop it.

"Sousuke?" Gin asked, his voice full of love and confusion.

"Don't say that!" Aizen roared as the voice raged. In fact he wasn't sure if it was him or the voice speaking. Pain shot through him so intense that his vision swam, his concentration shattered. He saw Gin staring at him, terrified. Aizen shared his fear though he tried to be rational. Fear would only give the monster more power.

Seeing Gin so scared crushed him it was, selfishly one of the reasons he'd always hidden the voice. He'd never wanted Gin to know what he was, had never wanted to see the disgust in his eyes when he learned the truth. This though, his moon— the pain spiked again—terrified of him was the worst thing in the three worlds, worse than all the disgust and hate he'd feared. He would have given anything to turn back time, to warn Gin come what may and now it was too late.

The voice laughed quietly.

I win

"Love? Love is pain. Shall I show you?" the voice said with his mouth. Had he been able to so much as twitch a finger of his own will, he would have slit his own throat, anything to prevent Gin coming to harm, his worst fear come to life. He fought for control, terror overwhelmed rational thought despite his best efforts as he struggled futilely to stop it, to even slow the monster, himself a bit. Just to give Gin a chance to escape.

'Aw but you've harmed him so much, what's one more time?' the voice hissed as he pinned Gin down.

'Don't please, please don't,' he fell to pleading with the monster, fully aware that it was pointless.

'Love is pain,' it whispered back as his consciousness was fully subsumed.

"Sousuke!" the word cut through the haze in his mind. Gin's voice full of betrayal, terror and pain echoed in the darkness that was his existence. It hurt to hear, to know he'd put it there though he couldn't remember what he'd done. He needed to do something though, needed to help Gin. A blurred vision of their bedroom flicked into view. Right the voice, the monster, lord knows what it had done, what he had done. Rage coursed through him, fading to determination, how dare this monster use him to hurt Gin.

He seized control; it was his body after all. Fuck the voice, fuck it to the nine hells.

'The fuck do you think you're doing?'

He didn't answer, pain raked through him, excruciating but he ignored that too.

"Gin?" everything ached, throbbed, his skin felt like it was on fire as warmth and life returned.

He took in the scene, Gin was stripped below the waist, robe askew from the struggle, red, welted scratches showed, Aizen's own hands held his legs spread. He felt sick, at what he'd almost done. Gin had paid gravely for his mistake, his weakness. Whatever else he was he'd never wanted that, all of his justifications for staying, for reconciling seemed disgustingly hollow and self-serving.

"Sou?" Gin asked. It sounded like a sob and he almost wanted to cry himself, wanted to fall to his knees and beg forgiveness for what could never be forgiven. Pride and the knowledge that his pleas would be rejected made him hold his ground.

"It's me Gin," Aizen said fighting to keep his voice steady. It was a stupid thing to say 'it's okay just your attacker here, don't worry'. "How badly are you hurt?"

You don't get to be hurt. You did this, you, he wasn't sure if it was the voice or his own memory that taunted him with Gin's words. He stared into his love's eyes and tried to focus on the present because either way dwelling on thoughts like that would just invite the monster to return. He could feel its bitter scratching at the back of his mind and tightened his focus as bile rose in his throat.

Gin drew a shaky breath and it made his own chest ache, "Get off me."

He leaped away. Of course, idiot that should have been the first thing he did. Gin rose and stood, trembling but on his feet, staring at him. Gin took slow, shaking breaths as he calmed down. Relief flooded him and he cursed himself again, he had no right to be relieved. All of his pride fell away, he didn't give a damn about looking sentimental, just wanted to make his moon feel better, wanted so very badly to just embrace Gin. He heard the monster hiss again but it seemed to have retreated for now.

"Why?" Gin asked. One question, one simple word full of pain and betrayal. Aizen pressed his lips together to keep them from quivering, blinked back tears, lest he betray the broken shadow of himself he'd become. Gin was watching him, waiting for, needing an explanation. His resolve broke and he sighed, always so damned weak no matter how hard he tried to be strong. He sat on the bed and swallowed taking a moment to collect himself.

"If you will let me…there are somethings you should know," he said, relieved that his voice remained steady, he felt shaky as hell. At Gin's request, they moved to the kitchen table.

He wanted to bring Gin tea but it was pathetic, a self-serving need to feel like he was comforting his fox…his victim when this was beyond such a simple gesture, likely any gesture. Gin'd probably throw it in his face like…before, so he shook off the impulse and sat down.

He hated that table, should have burned it years ago. He remembered sitting there fixing his mug for hours. Remembered sitting there alone shivering after the Voice tried and failed to expose him to Gin. Remembered waiting, with hope, trepidation and absolute self-disgust for Gin to lay out the terms of his forgiveness, his salvation. God he fucking hated that table.

He tried to organize his thoughts, pull the scraps of his mask back on, terrified that he would lose Gin so soon after getting him back. He reached across the table, a disgusting act, who was he to look to Gin for reassurance? He couldn't help it though.

'Worthless,' the voice whispered. Maybe he was but Gin was worth everything and he forced the voice away. Gin reached his hand out to be taken and Aizen clasped it, taking a slow, even breath. If he wanted any hope of Gin staying he had to make it sound like he was handling things, evidence to the contrary aside. Besides Gin deserved an explanation and a hell of a lot more besides, he could hardly give it if he started getting emotional.

'Start?' Again he wasn't sure if that was the voice or not but told it to shut up anyway.

He explained the things he'd never wanted Gin to know and did his best to not make it about himself.

"I wanted to keep you safe," he said. He left out 'I'm so sorry I failed. Can you forgive me? Because I can't forgive myself.'

"But now you know," he said when he meant 'now you hate me'. He couldn't stand talking so openly, every instinct he had captain, Rukon, criminal, host to the voice, screamed that he should shut up and stop exposing his vulnerabilities. Logically he knew Gin wouldn't turn him in, but he could, would turn his back. Why did he have to care? He'd never meant to, had never meant to prefer death to seeing pain on someone's face but Gin was different. Worth it.

He saw Gin growing pale as he forced himself to continue, he looked as ill as Aizen felt. I sicken him, he thought bitterly even though he'd known what Gin's reaction would be. It simply remained a question of whether it was what a vile, tainted thing he was that disgusted Gin, or worse how powerless he was against it. Would it simply be how very, very in over his head he was, fighting just to stay above the water, catching a breath before being dragged back under that Gin wouldn't want to deal with.

Take care of me? You can't even take care of yourself.

That would be so much worse, he could handle contempt, contemptuous pity though…then again it wasn't like he'd have a choice. I'm sorry Gin I don't know how to fight it, he thought.

"I would never forgive myself if I let it hurt you," he held back a wince. Foot meet mouth, it did hurt you, I hurt you. His heart pounded in his chest, the hand not clasping Gin's shook. He fought to keep himself together and keep the struggle hidden. I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to know. Never wanted you to see this. I never should have dragged you down with me. Why was I so selfish?

"Shit Sou…" Gin choked up and his own heart sank. "I don't…I can't."

Aizen sighed, he felt like a convict receiving a well deserved death sentence. He was a coward, he didn't want to be alone again, but now Gin knew how insane, how fucked up, how utterly broken he was and it was over. The voice gave a tired laugh.

'You had the gall to seek safety in his arms and this is how you repay him? What did you expect?' it sneered.

Every fiber of his being wanted Gin to stay, wanted to beg him not to leave, like he had in that hospital room so long ago with the drugs to loosen his tongue. So, selfish coward that he was, squeezing Gin's hand for what was probably the last time he asked him to stay against all common sense, at the risk of his very life.

And you claim to love him? The voice taunted. It was right of course, but Gin could, would say no and he already hated himself, so what difference did it make.

He saw Gin trying not to laugh in his face and kept his expression blank. He wouldn't break down, he might not be above manipulation and gamesmanship but guilting his moon—the pain barely registered—into staying was a line even he wouldn't cross. Besides he'd never been one to trade on weakness, he didn't want pity, never wanted people 'feeling sorry' for him as the voice constantly reminded him they did. That had been the whole point.

"Always," Gin finally said. It took him a second to process the word. Gin…was staying? He tightened his jaw to keep it from trembling as tears of relief pricked his eyes. Though his fox said nothing he saw the shock and doubt in his companion's gaze, like he was doubting his own eyes, simply unable to believe his sun was being so pathetic. It was equal parts gratifying and humiliating and he hurried to get a grip on himself.

Gin surprised him again by moving around the table to embrace him, which was ten kinds of wrong. He'd almost raped the man, he should be the one giving comfort or in a saner world getting the hell out of his life. Guilt welled up and his breath hitched. He returned the embrace trying to convey what Gin meant to him, while at the same time reassuring himself that Gin really was there. His moon whispered to him as he tried to get his breathing under control.

"Why?" he asked, his voice breaking, Why? I don't deserve it so why? Why his voice broke now when the actual painful discussion was over was another good question, but at that point he was pretty certain that the universe just liked to laugh at him.

Gin's answer was devastatingly simple, "I love you."

He should have told Gin the rest, but he simply couldn't bring himself to, couldn't bear to see the loathing, disappointment and betrayal on his face. Coward.

He took a slow breath, swallowed the lump in his throat and echoed Gin's sentiment, grateful that their embrace wouldn't allow Gin to see the tears he was fighting back.

No you don't, the voice sneered. It was right, if he truly cared about the man he wouldn't have asked in the first place.

* * *

Gin pulled back and looked at Aizen trying to remind himself that it wasn't who'd attacked him, not really. He was looking Gin over, drinking in the sight.

"I'm fine," Gin said shakily. Physically.

"You're sure?" Aizen looked doubtful as he released Gin.

"Yeah I'll be 'kay," Gin replied sorry to lose the contact he craved.

"Well that's good. What would I do otherwise?" he joked, though the teasing smile looked a little forced. Aaand back to the game.

"Dunno, pine?" Gin replied, not missing a beat. He wanted to be angry, should be. How could Aizen make light of something like that? Yet he found himself smiling.

"For a day or two perhaps."

That stung a bit, spoken too seriously for comfort, "You'd remember me for a while though right?"

"I remember everything," the words were harsh though his eyes surprisingly soft.

"Arrogant bastard," Gin laughed.

"Flatterer."

"Psychopath."

"Enabler."

"Puppet."

Aizen's eyes widened and he raised his hands in mock surrender with a chuckle, "You win."

"On my own merit?" Gin winked. Aizen nodded but didn't acknowledge the old joke and for a moment, thinking over the painful night he wondered if he'd gone too far but Aizen'd already moved on.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Nah jus' wanna sleep," Gin replied and headed for their bedroom, he looked back when Aizen didn't follow. "Ya' comin'?"

"Yeah I was just watching you leave," he said with a smile.

"Pervert."

"And?" Aizen asked following.

As tiring as their stupid game could be, he was glad to have someone who'd known him so long and well, knew exactly how to make him feel better. He felt like just maybe he was getting to the same level of understanding with Sousuke and it was comforting, that voice thing aside.

* * *

Aizen ran a hand over his face in the dark bedroom and eased himself from under the moonlit figure whose hair he'd been stroking. Gin, the best thing that'd ever happened to him, the man who'd almost guest starred in his worst nightmare. Well that was a selfish thought, it would have been far worse for Gin. He felt his lips twitch and put a hand over his mouth to stifle a whimper.

He didn't want to leave; he wanted to hold his moon until the sun fell into the sea in every possible sense of the phrase, but waking up in bed with him was probably the last thing Gin wanted today. Besides he needed a chance to collect himself and lick his wounds before he could face anyone. Just looking at Gin brought tears to his eyes right now and after everything that'd happened in the last decade or two, the last thing he wanted was to be more of a burden.

His eyes caught the silver of Gin's bracelet as it glinted, cold as his soul in the moonlight. How fitting. He remembered the day he'd given it to Gin, he'd intended to give it as a birthday present, a substitute for the ring Gin had never gotten. Instead he'd given it early to apologize for screwing up yet again, now there was a metaphor.

Their wedding night played itself out in his mind, he'd been a fool as he so often was, deluding himself into thinking his fox would stand beside him as an equal, what a joke. Equal? He'd never been worth half of Gin, no one would have blamed him for leaving Aizen even without this night's events.

Don't think about it. Focus on the present. That had gotten him through the night, through the conversation with Gin. Through speaking aloud those things, he barely admitted to himself much less talked about. He counted himself lucky that he hadn't completely lost it in front of Gin.

You don't deserve to feel bad, the thought returned and almost undid him, bouncing around his head in a cruel facsimile of Gin's voice.

His breath hitched as he slipped into the living room, he would have given anything to be able to hole up in some Rukon dive for a few days until he felt like he could face the world again or at least until he could trust himself to not hurt Gin.

'Because you ever can,' the voice whispered.

He didn't respond, just settled on the couch and tried to ignore its cackling. As much as he wanted to escape it wasn't worth damaging Gin's fragile trust again, so he stayed and tried to focus only on the present, to not think about what he'd done, not give the voice another opening.

It was hot for nighttime and his clothes were damp with sweat. He focused on that, one drop after another rolled down his back and he felt each individual prickle and itch raised by the heat, infuriating, distracting.

'…terrified of you...yet still he pitied you,' the voice babbled on growing louder, more insistent.

Hide the pain, do not think, he rose and began pacing quietly over and back across the wooden floor.

Again he wished that he had a few days to regain his footing, painfully aware of how raw the night had left him. He felt isolated, exposed just the kind of vulnerability that the voice used to seize control. In fact he was confused as to why it hadn't. He tried to think confident thoughts, but was equally aware that, at the moment, he could put up all the fight of a wet kitten.

'One has to wonder why he likes you. You have no redeeming qualities and he's no fool…'

'He always was kinder than I. I would have killed us in his place,' Aizen thought and allowed self-loathing to settle into cold emptiness. It was the best defense he could muster and the voice tended to be less aggressive when he engaged with it. He was getting too tired to keep ignoring it, wearing down. He needed sleep, but was terrified of what would happen to Gin if he got it.

'He was too weak to.'

Aizen forced a laugh, 'You under estimate him.'

He turned in his pacing and caught sight of a yellow eye reflected in the base of a shiny lamp.

'Or overestimated you,' the voice sneered. Aizen snarled, he was still a proud man. 'Here I thought you'd get a kick out of it. The power, the domination…the smell of fear but instead you almost give up the ghost? Eyes shining with tears as you pleaded with Gin to...'

'Shut up!' Aizen thought viciously as he covered every reflective surface in the room with whatever came to hand. He moved like an old man, bones and muscles aching with flu-like shakes and cold. He knew what his reflection, the voice's, looked like and couldn't stand it, not tonight. With Gin he could pretend he was human, for a little while at least. He could mostly pretend that the monster was a different entity, even believed it occasionally when Gin distracted him, a very bad habit indeed. Tonight had pulled away the self-imposed wool, he was the monster, there was no escaping it. It was as much him as Kyouka was.

...Understand because really you're the victim. Bravo, I say Bravo, the voice finished undeterred. He could feel the cold spread down his limbs bitter and biting, as it always was when the voice fought for control.

He focused on his task. He really didn't need to look at what he was, what he'd done. He suspected that if that happened he would just give in then and there. His muscles spasmed as the voice encouraged that line of thought with a reminder that it wasn't worth it to keep fighting. He shook it off and returned to sit on the couch again, his task completed, muscles aching and twitching too much to keep pacing.

'He doesn't give a damn you needy, worthless piece of shit. You really thought he still cared after everything you've done? And now you want him to forgive more? How clingy can you get? '

He could hear Kyouka's pained yips as she cried out unable to make him hear. The ice chilled his heart or was that emotion as he relived his worst fear made reality. He could still hear Gin screaming his name, his own terror compounded by Gin's pain, his precious moon wounded by his own ambition.

He gritted his teeth and his head twisted back as he tried not to scream. He laid down, pressed against the back of the couch in an instinctive attempt to seek warmth as the memories assailed his frozen body and the voice cackled.

Trembling under the onslaught, he curled into a little ball in an irrational attempt to defend himself. Terror as always rose at this enemy, against whom a sword was useless, this enemy who could so easily take the one thing that he couldn't bear to lose.

He forced the fear down, giving in would only make him an easier target. The voice kept on with its litany. The specifics didn't matter, he knew that he was a monster and nothing the voice said could do more than irritate wounds that were already there. It was the memory of Gin's horror, the betrayed look on his face, that haunted him. The voice merely sound tracked it and added cold and pain so physical weakness could strip mental defenses.

He choked back a sob, shivering and with what seemed a ridiculous amount of effort pulled a blanket down from the back of the couch. The voice shrieked as the tears he'd held back all night finally fell and soaked into the couch arm he was using for a pillow. He'd regret it, the voice wouldn't let him hear the end of it and it'd take forever to truly put the pieces back together. On the other hand he was almost grateful, if he was going to fall apart at least he was away from prying eyes, with only the voice to witness his shame. He raised his arm over his face though there was no practical reason to do so and gritted his teeth with the effort of remaining silent. Cry and you cry alone, indeed.

'How far you've fallen.'

How dare ya' act like ya' care? Gin's voice echoed in his head again. He'd known something horrible would happen yet still he'd stayed, still he went out of his way to reconcile, still he'd tried to make excuses. He disgusted himself. The fact that Gin wanted to stay just ensured that he'd always be in danger. A part of him wished again that Gin would move on and be safe, let fate do what it would to him.

'Worthless, selfish piece of shit what did he ever see in you.'

That was the one indisputable thought which had burned in his mind all night, he'd known the risk and exposed Gin to it anyway because he couldn't give up his one light no matter what it did to said light source.

He came to a decision: it ended here. He'd played every card in his hand, up his sleeve and a couple conjured from midair. There would be no more fighting to justify himself, to make staying okay. He was out of moves, well and truly cornered, the only thing left was to get Gin out, there was no escape for him. He would always have the tea, though some part of him suspected that even if he brought it to the hollow world he'd never be able to bring himself to drink it again.

'Too little, too late,' the voice whispered and he couldn't argue. He rose, walked down the hall and stepped outside. It had started raining lightly, he shielded his cigarette as he lit it and took a slow calming drag letting rain wash the tears from his face while the voice chattered on. God he hated the rain.

When he finished, he went back inside, grabbed a hand towel in the kitchen and dried his face and hair before returning to the couch. He sat the damp fabric of his clothing clung to him as he stared into space, listening to the voice alternate between berating and reminding him of the good times he'd shared with Gin. Anything that might dissuade him from the path he'd chosen.

'You really think you can survive without him?' the voice whispered providing the memory of their wedding night. The love he'd felt as he spoke his vows, Gin throwing them back at him decades later cursing him for a whore.

'You think anyone one else would have you? Do you have any idea how lucky you were to find one sap dumb enough to?'

Of course he did, it was why he was intent on ending this before he brought his moon more pain. Another memory was dragged to the surface, Gin finally said he loved him and Aizen crushed him to his chest.

'Sentimental, needy little Aizen. You're nothing without him and you think you can just walk away? As well walk off a cliff.'

Then he would be nothing. Walking off a cliff was easy, it was only the landing that hurt. He wouldn't think about that now, just do what needed to be done. So long as Gin wasn't walking off that cliff with him he could live with that…or die as the case may be. He didn't much care at that point.

Jac raised the image of Gin saying 'you make me happy' in response to his own desperate, confused 'why me?'.

'You would walk away from that kind of loyalty?'

'But of course,' Aizen replied, 'You know that,' hell the voice had taught him that.

The voice went silent but it had already got his mind going and the stream of memories continued, some long buried and forgotten, now tainted with pain as they were. The pillow fight with Gin came to mind though he hadn't thought about it in decades with good reason, as did Cherry stealing Kaname's visor which also stung, if for the exact opposite reasons.

Others though, like the memory of Gin a few years before, accepting his cup of tea after refusing for so long, were pure and sweet. It was a testament to how shaken he was that the mere memory had him back on the verge of tears.

He hissed a curse and shook it off, he had neither the time nor inclination to surrender to such sentiment again. As the voice constantly reminded him he had a job to do, he had to get it together. Right…that wasn't going to happen anytime soon but he could fake it well enough, he had a few hours yet.

After a nerve-wracking night where he occasionally dozed off only to wake with a start and stare around panicked until he realized that he hadn't moved and Gin was still safely ensconced in the bedroom, it was finally close to when Gin would wake.

He had been a coward the night before and Gin had stood by him despite how crazy, how dangerous he was. It was time to come clean though and the full truth would sever the relationship more cleanly than any sword. Gin would hate him, that stung more than everyone else combined wanting him dead but it was for the best. Besides Gin had hated him before.

'And it broke you,' the voice sneered. Aizen smiled it sounded desperate to him.

'Almost,' he admitted. 'But I'm still here and in a few short hours I'll have nothing to lose. You'll be without leverage.'

'You'll just beg for him to come back!' the voice snapped.

Aizen shook his head, 'No. I win.'

'Win? You'll have nothing!'

'Exactly.'

'Well even broken puppets have their strings," voice laughed darkly and it sent a chill down his spine, shook his resolve. It's better this way.

'Keep telling yourself that,' he shot back cockily. Maybe it was childish but tonight he felt entitled.

'You always feel entitled,' Kyouka said, but her voice was full of pride and he laughed.

He rose stiffly to get a glass of water, drank slowly gathering himself and his resolve, then he smoothed his clothes with kido and washed up in the kitchen. He could have simply used an illusion but he wasn't that desperate, hadn't fallen so far that he needed Kyouka for a crutch. It would be an admission that after all he'd sacrificed for power he was still human.

'I would have thought that last night dispelled any delusions you had on that count,' the voice laughed cruelly, 'It's no wonder you can't function without Gin, he's your little therapy dog ne?' it taunted aping Gin.

Doing his best to tune it out he took a deep breath, uncovered the reflective surfaces, used one for a mirror and looked himself over, trying to ignore the flash of yellow in his reflected eyes. The effect wasn't great he obviously hadn't slept, but he didn't look completely gutted or like his world was yet again crumbling so…

He drew himself up, arranged his expression into a mask of confidence and fully composed, not a hair out of place, Captain Aizen returned to the couch to wait for Gin to wake so he could stab them both in the heart.

* * *

Gin woke panting from his nightmare and reached out for Aizen to make sure it was still his Aizen, only to find empty space. He sat for a moment, his heart racing as he tried to shake off the too vivid memory-dream.

"Where the hell is he?" he asked Cherry who had leaped to the floor with the violence of his waking and was now watching curiously. He felt Aizen's reiatsu and his panic waned, he scooped up Cherry and she nuzzled him as he moved into the living room.

Already upset at having been left alone, Gin took in his partner's perfectly coiffed appearance and felt his temper boiling over. Glad one of us is doin' a'right, he thought bitterly. Memories of the aftermath of her rose like a viper to strike, how Aizen had walked around without a scratch and thrilled groupies threw themselves at him while Gin cried himself to sleep more nights than not.

"I was wonderin' where ya' ran to," Gin snarled.

"I thought it was safer for you if I wasn't there."

"So ya' just left me alone?" he met Aizen's gaze and saw fear. Sousuke closed his eyes a moment and when he opened them again they were cold, empty of all feeling. "What?"

Aizen took a breath, "I left a few things out last night."

"Course ya' did," Gin said bitterly because even when he was finally getting the truth there just had to be another layer, another move or dimension, always something.

Aizen's jaw tightened and anger flashed in his eyes. Ah deal with it, Gin thought, don't be so predictable.

"The voice I told you about…it wants…no needs me to do some things. I won't be able to stay in Soul society afterwards."

The words hit like a gutpunch and Gin was speechless as he processed the revelation, all sarcasm and bitterness gone.

"I thought you should know now rather than later," Aizen continued, voice hard and uncaring as a blade.

"So…so… yer breakin' up with me…Today? " he asked. His voice shook badly, he didn't care, he wanted to sob. Today of all days? What the hell was his problem? And to just say it like that, like it was nothing: oh by the way I'm ditching you.

"No. Not…not exactly I'm just telling you what's happening."

"And you just HAVE to do this?" Gin snarled, voice breaking. He knew full well exactly how much effort it took to make the man do anything he didn't want to and he usually found some way to weasel out anyway…like Momo. Or exact revenge as Shinji could attest…as could Gin for that matter he'd paid heavily for those three words. Gin shook his head that was not a memory conducive to being angry at the bastard.

"Well?" Gin snapped.

"If I don't the voice will kill one or both of us," Aizen admitted. A twitch of a jaw muscle, a hint of shame in his gaze and for once Gin believed him though he wasn't entirely sure that he should. He had little doubt that the admission had cost though and that alone said something.

He's trying to protect me again, Gin realized and his heart melted.

"Ya' say ya'll have ta' leave. Can't I just come wit' ya?"

Sousuke blinked in surprise and Gin smiled back, it was completely inappropriate for the occasion but he couldn't help the little spark of pride he always felt when he caught the chess master off guard.

"You can't or, more accurately wouldn't want to it's…actually one moment," he said and cast a kido he'd developed to fry any of Mayuri or Urahara's bugs, even though they checked for them constantly. He then soundproofed the room and finally satisfied, continued talking.

"I will have to go to Hueco Mundo and from there move against the Soul King," he explained.

"So I can come wit' ya."

Sousuke swallowed, and Gin wondered if he'd misjudged and his partner really did want to get rid of him.

"It's dark, barren…it would be hell for you."

"Not if you're there," Gin shot back. Sousuke didn't answer and instead moved to brew some tea, heated the water with kido and poured them each a glass. Gin felt so powerless, how do you save someone who's already given up? Maybe there was no hope, but at least he could see the enemy now and if they were doomed they could be doomed together, if Sousuke'd let him.

While the tea steeped Sousuke finally answered in a measured tone, "After last night surely you're aware of the danger that would put you in?"

"I don't care! You aren't getting rid o' me tha' easy," Gin said his voice cracking again. Sousuke took a sip of tea and winced at the heat before taking another slower sip.

"I'm not trying to get rid of you. I just want you to understand the danger," he said. Did his voice catch just a little? Before last night Gin wouldn't have believed it. Before last night he hadn't thought Aizen had a fear in the world.

"I do. I want to stay. For better or worse right?" Gin replied. Sousuke said nothing, just drank his tea, calculating, Gin could see the plans and machinations working themselves out. "So what is this 'stuff' we have to do?"

Sousuke closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. Gin grew concerned, he could count on one hand the times he'd seen Sousuke brace himself for anything.

After a moment he opened his eyes and laid out the crimes he, they, would have to commit. Gin paled at the magnitude and scale but still it wasn't like he didn't know what Aizen was, hadn't committed crimes of his own, even enjoyed it, Shinji and company came to mind again.

"Why am I jus' hearin' 'bout this now."

"You didn't need to know."

"The hell I didn't! Ya' were jus' gonna what? Disappear one night?"

Sousuke shifted, obviously forcing himself to meet Gin's eyes with a defiant look. He looked so much like Che-Che doing her 'and your point' look that Gin struggled not to laugh, but he wasn't getting off the hook that easily.

Taking the silence for acknowledgement he continued, "Nope, doesn't work that way."

He saw a shadow cross his partner's face and his own crumpled. He fixed his gaze on the floor, " 'Less ya' lyin' an' ya' really don' wan' me."

"No…nothing of the sort," Sousuke whispered and wrapped his arms around him.

"Tha's good," Gin said in a choked voice, as his relieved tears soaked into his sun's sleeve.

* * *

Aizen held his moon as the younger man wept, he'd never thought he'd be able to do that again. Had Gin not been there and he not have to go to the barracks in…less than an hour now, he likely would have done the same out of sheer relief the voice be damned. He couldn't believe his luck. What had he done to deserve such loyalty? Absolutely nothing quite the opposite, in fact his power was about the only point in his favor.

He soaked in the contact, let it ground him, this is real, physical, this is you, your body, your reality.

Pathetic, the voice cackled.

Your point? he replied uncaring.

He looked down at Gin and inhaled a bit shakily, steadying himself. Gin pulled back after a while and scrubbed his face.

"Ya' goin leave 'gain?" Gin asked. Aizen met those surprisingly intense red eyes and decided that would be a bad idea.

"Aren't you scared that I'll attack you again?" he asked. He tried to smile like it was a joke since Gin had made it clear that was how he wanted to deal with it but the faintest tremor snuck into the words.

"It weren't you," Gin replied.

He swallowed hard, "Gin I…would you like some more?" he raised his glass and wished he could apologize but it seemed so meaningless, mere words. With three little words, his world had brightened immeasurably and as usual, he had nothing to offer in return. Vampire, leech, parasite, whatever word you used for it he was a monster.

"Love some," Gin said smiling.


	16. Hear My Prayer

A/N: I own nothing, Wolfy owns Heirverse, Cherry and Tsuku. Massive thanks to her and our Cross proxy Transbyakuya. Written to Lunar Eclipse album – by David Bryan.

Summary: After recent events, how can Sousuke make it up to Gin.

* * *

**Hear my Prayer.**

**(Written by HisagiKuchiki-HK)**

Sousuke opened his eyes, tired he'd barely slept the last two nights. His darling Gin was lying next to him wrapped tightly in his embrace. He had told Gin the reasons for his behaviour. Though it wasn't to excuse himself from his despicable actions; to lessen the load on his own shoulders. It was to protect Gin. That night had haunted Sousuke and no doubt Gin too. It was the night that the hellish voice of his inner hollow, reared his ugly head and attacked his darling Gin. How could he ever begin to thank Gin for sticking around through the bad times? There had been many, though that night was worst of all.

'Telling him I love him is a bit redundant given the circumstances. And "sorry" isn't enough,' he thought, and felt Kyouka nod her agreement.

He thought back to the earlier days in their relationship. One time in particular, stood out. Their first date. He had played his own interpretation of 'Music of the Night' from the Phantom of the Opera.

"That was beautiful, Aizen-san."

Gin had made sure to speak softly, but Aizen still jumped when he realised the younger man was there. That he'd been watched. He'd jumped to his feet abruptly, slamming his hands down on the piano keys in fright. It'd made a loud, ugly sound and shattered the magic. Effectively breaking the spell Sousuke cast over Gin and jarring them both back to reality.

"Gin!" he'd exclaimed, "It's you. You startled me. I wasn't expecting you till…"

Gin had watched as he looked up at the clock and winced. "Ten minutes ago. Ah… sorry about that."

'I'll write a song for him. He'd love that.' Sousuke quietly made his way through to the study to where the simple but beautifully smooth mahogany piano stood. Before long the music was flowing from his mind, through his fingertips and into the air. The sweet melody reflecting how much Sousuke loved his darling Gin. Especially after recent events, he felt like he needed to prove himself.

As the music filled the room, Gin awoke from his slumber. Cherry and Tsuku stayed curled up on Sousuke's side of the bed. Gin had seen a different side to his husband. A side he never wanted to see. But did he love him any less? Of course not. Gin shuddered at the thought of the Voice's assault. He had a feeling he would for years to come.

The scene kept replaying in his mind.

They'd been so happy, had just returned home after a long but good day. H e had missed his sun so much those long years, wondered now how he'd ever survived. They'd kissed and Gin remembered the desire rising in him like a wild fire.

After breaking away from the kiss, Aizen had called him his moon. The moon of his life. When the words caught, he'd been surprised, thinking Aizen was being sentimental, such a rare occurrence, but shortly after he'd found that not to be the case. They'd kissed again and he'd replied in kind calling Aizen his sun and stars. It'd confused him when Aizen'd pushed him away and snapped a response. "Don't say that"

Gin shook his head, trying to dismiss the horror of the night's events. Still feeling the presence of the Monster's hands on his wrists, he slowly stood up and walked towards the door. It had been so long since he heard Sousuke play the ivory keys. The tune was melancholy. Filled with heartache and regret but there's still love. All the emotions that Sousuke kept inside, always revealed in his music. At the door, he stopped. Gin could see and feel the pain emanating from Sousuke's spiritual energy. Reflecting how he himself felt. Gin was devoted to Sousuke, but hell, it was difficult at times.

The solemn music softened as it came to an end. Gin moved a little closer and quietly sat by his husband's side.

"May I?" he asked, his pale, slender hands hovering over the keys waiting to start playing. A couple of times when Sousuke had been at work, Gin used to play around with composing. Now was as good a time as any to show his partner what he had learnt and composed. Gin's delicate hands lightly drifted over the keys. Hesitant at first. Though as he became more confident his music transformed into something his mind had composed over a week of "lie-in" mornings.

Sousuke's face seemed shocked, and rightly so. Though Gin was full of surprises, Sousuke certainly wasn't expecting this. 'When did Gin learn how to play?'

Gin finished playing his sincere tune and turned towards his Sun who was still in amazement. Gin gave a coy smile. "I may not know the note's, but I know when something sounds right. I just experimented a little when you were at work."


	17. Leverage Point

**Leverage Point**

**By Spunky0ne**

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An unexpected encounter with angelic and demonic power provides Sosuke Aizen with a deepened understanding of his own connection to his lover, Gin Ichimaru…yaoi, Aizen/Gin, Orochi/Tetsuya

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It was already dark outside when the weary captains of the fifth and third divisions left the fifth division headquarters where they'd been conducting joint training exercises and stepped out, onto the quiet street together. Still, even though he was definitely tired from the horridly long workday, shifting the focus from their work to spending quality time with his captain and lover infused Gin with fresh energy, bringing a smile to his lips and more spring to his step as they headed down the street and away from the office (as well as the irritating presence of Momo Hinamori).

I guess even though some time has passed, it'll be a long time before I stop wanting to tear her hair out and rip her apart for what she did. I do blame Sosuke for fucking her, but at least now I know there was a reason that happened. Still, that girl's got no reason, except that she's a damned slut who can't keep her thieving hands off what doesn't belong to her. I can't forget walking in and seein' Sou on top of her while she laid on her back on his desk with her legs all spread for him. Ugh! I want to kill her.

He didn't notice the man next to him was watching him through curious eyes or that his riled reiatsu had attracted the attention.

"Are you feeling all right, Gin?" Aizen asked suddenly, derailing his thoughts, "I feel a bit of heat in your reiatsu. Is something wrong?"

There was, in fact, something still wrong.

I hate that bitch. I get angry every time I think about her, but...

Not wanting to give power to the lingering presence of the girl that irritated him so much, Gin just smirked and lied through his teeth.

"I'm just thinking about what we're gonna do when we get home. We have a whole weekend to spend together."

"I was thinking about that also," Sosuke answered, blinking slowly and refocusing on him, "What would you say to visiting my private retreat for the weekend?"

Gin's smile widened.

"The one near the lake on the edge of the Kuchiki estate?" he asked, brightening, "That's pretty and it's private. I guess we wouldn't be bothered there."

Aizen's smile faded slightly.

"I wouldn't allow the two of us to be bothered wherever we chose to go for the weekened, unless you are bothered by something as much as someone."

"Don't worry about that," Gin said dismissively, "The retreat is perfect. It's just right for a weekend of playing and making love."

"It also has quite a lovely garden to walk in," Sosuke said, enjoying the way Gin's happiness felt good to him too, "There is a boat for floating on the lake. It's actually enchanting in the early morning when the mist hangs over it."

"Then, I guess we're gonna be getting up early, at least once while we're there," Gin laughed, "It sounds good. Let's go there."

"Very well," Sosuke said, turning them down a quieter street that led toward the outer edges of the famed Kuchiki estate.

As they walked, Sosuke admired Gin, who in turn, was admiring the beauty of the sakura petals that the light breeze loosed from the nearby trees to swirl and float on the air as they gradually made their way to carpet the ground on the sides of the trail that they walked, on the border of the estate.

I would love to lay him down on those petals and fuck him right there, Aizen thought to himself.

He was considering whether to just use his power and do so, when an odd pulsation in the energy around the area, made him stiffen and frown as he placed a hand on his zanpakuto. He noted Gin was having a like reaction.

"What is that?" Gin breathed softly, glaring in the direction of the disturbance.

Gin wasn't afraid, but the chaotic nature of the energy was a warning not to take the situation lightly.

"I'm not sure. Come, Gin."

Gin followed without hesitation.

They entered the outer grounds of the Kuchiki estate, carefully masking their reiatsu, so as not to be sensed, either by the Kuchiki house guards or by whatever was responsible for the savage vibrations of power. The heavy shudders continued and as they closed in, the two could hear muted sounds of pain and anguish. Both of them immediately recognized the voice.

Tetsuya Kuchiki?

Aizen watched raptly as his Gin's expression darkened dangerously and his hand immediately went to his zanpakuto.

"Such a strong reaction," he observed calmly, knowing he had no right to the prick of jealousy he felt.

"Tetsuya's a gentle soul. Nothin' but kindness in him. Who'd have any reason to hurt someone like him?" Gin growled in an irritated tone.

"I see," Aizen said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "but you feel the intensity, don't you? The raw power being exchanged? Gin, this is well beyond anything that young man is known to possess. Come along now, but let me lead."

Gin was furious at the thought of his good-hearted friend being hurt, but he was wise enough to attend to his Sousuke's warning. He remained fixed at Aizen's right shoulder as they moved forward, slowly closing in on the center of the disturbance. The two men stiffened as they came to the edge of a cluster of trees that ended at the top of a remote waterfall.

Tetsuya laid naked on his back, his abandoned clothing underneath his pale, slender body. His creamy thighs were widespread, and between them laid another man, dark-haired with oddly glowing black eyes and a feral expression that suggested both rising pleasure and intense, gripping pain.

"Fuckin' hell, what is that?" Gin whispered in horrified fascination, "What do we do, Sou?"

He was well aware that whatever was in control of the man atop Tetsuya was of a level of power he didn't want to think about.

"We have to stop it," he breathed, both fearful now of the thing in front of them and worried that his gentle friend was about to die.

"Wait," Aizen said firmly, taking hold of Gin's arm.

"What?" Gin objected, "But, it's killing him!"

"That would be true," Aizen said, his gaze and his tone intense as he held onto Gin and watched raptly, "if the beast within that man was feeding on Tetsuya's life force or the shinigami reiatsu inside him. But…you can feel it, can't you? What this beast feeds on is as powerful as the beast itself. There is only one thing that this could be."

Gin ached to break free of his lover's tight grasp and his heart raced as he was taken back in time to the wild stories told by the older men in the village he'd lived in, down in the low Rukongai.

There were, of course, the stories they told to scare us children into never venturing out into the wilderness beyond the edges of town…stories of an old woman who lured children with promises of toys and candy so that she could steal their souls, stories of wolf puppies that would lead them into a pack's trap to be eaten. But the most awful and frightening stories were the ones of the beautiful demons, the ones who looked human, but who only waited for their victim to fall asleep, then they would suck the life right out of their veins. This looks like that fucking kind of demon, but…Tetsuya isn't dying.

"A spirit demon," Aizen said, both confirming Gin's worst fears and warning him not to move any closer.

"A spirit demon would have devoured him in a moment," Gin breathed warily, his eyes unable to tear themselves away from the impossible scene in front of him, "and you and I both know that for a spirit demon to enter our world…"

"It requires something to limit its influence on the world we're in," Aizen continued, "This world would be shattered by what amounts to a godly or divine power. The man on top of Tetsuya is the vessel that contains and limits the demon's influence on this world."

'Now that would be fun to watch,' the voice cackled, "but we can't let him steal my revenge now can we?'

Aizen ignored it in favor of Gin.

"And what about Tetsuya?" Gin asked, "What is the demon feeding on, if it's not his life force or his own shinigami reiatsu? Are you sayin' that there's some other power in him?"

"Exactly," Aizen affirmed.

"S-so, Tetsuya is being possessed by a demon too?" Gin concluded tentatively, his hand shaking slightly where it still held his sword.

"Not a demon," Aizen said, his voice filled with intellectual arousal, "not at all. Gin, think of it this way. I've long theorized that there are souls who enter this world on divine missions. These beings can be light or dark, good or evil, if you will, but they have a function, a purpose that can be understood."

"And you think that Tetsuya's soul is like that? Or is it the evil soul in that guy? Is it both?" Gin mused, shuddering.

He noticed then, beyond the fact that the two men's bodies in front of them were joined sexually, they were also connected by a glowing, fleshy protrusion that seemed to emanate from within the other man's breast and ran down to where it had pierced the place just over Tetsuya's heart. Gin blinked and squinted, focusing intently on the protrusion as a thought struck him.

"A snake?" he managed, "Is that thing…a snake, Sou?"

Indeed, he could see now that the thing did have a head and two wicked red eyes, and that its mouth was opened wide and its sharp fangs were buried in Tetsuya's pale breast as the snake drank in bright milky reiatsu that oozed and dribbled around the puncture wounds.

"I know that man," Aizen said suddenly, focusing on the man on top of their friend, "Orochi Kuchiki. He is heir to the leadership of a powerful subfamily. In that subfamily, each leader possesses a snake spirit zanpakuto. It was speculated that the appearance of a snake zanpakuto is how the family knows which of the young should be named heir. I think now that is wrong."

"You do?" Gin asked, still staring, "Then…?"

"The snake is a single, devastatingly powerful demon spirit," Aizen explained in a maddeningly calm voice, "The demon chooses the next heir he will possess. I suspect the heir is then invaded by the demon in some sort of family ritual."

"Demon possession in a noble family?" Gin wondered aloud, "and of all families, Byakuya's? Do you really think he would allow that? I would think he would kill the demon himself, or at least he would try."

"He would," Aizen agreed, "if he knew about it. But it's clear to me that he doesn't know. And I would postulate that this man, Orochi, knows that it is a wicked power he possesses. It is one that his elders would condemn, so I imagine that the ritual and the history of this power is kept secret within the subfamily. Only…despite the truth being hidden, our world senses the hidden threat."

"It does?" Gin asked incredulously.

"Yes," Aizen affirmed, "Think of this demon spirit as an impossibly large boulder that must somehow be moved. In the most basic sense, we cannot move it or lift it…not unless we use the correct tool and find that critical point…the leverage point. It is there that the change force must be applied to achieve the desired end…in the simpler case, the boulder being moved."

"So, you're sayin' that the power in Tetsuya is the leverage point?" Gin inquired.

"It is the change force," Aizen corrected him, "It is only waiting to be applied. When it is, I expect the demon spirit will be vanquished."

"But…the demon spirit is feeding on Tetsuya's divine power," Gin objected.

"Yes," Aizen agreed, reaching into his shihakusho and wrapping his hand around the dark orb that he kept always on his person, and had never told Gin about, "This is a perversion of Tetsuya's divine power that is allowing the demon spirit to remain for hundreds, or even thousands of years within our world. It needs a source to sustain itself, and it has found the very change force needed to overwhelm it. So, it feeds on that power, which is both a source of survival and a threat of extinction. While the change force is thus occupied, it cannot be applied to the leverage point. Still, there are other sources of change force."

Gin's eyes rounded in realization.

"You're sayin' that you can destroy that demon?" he asked disbelievingly.

"I can destroy it, thus negating the demon and the need for Tetsuya's existence. However, if I apply that force right now, both of these men will die. Still…what price for making sure that our world is not threatened anymore by that demon?"

Aizen took a step forward, starting to withdraw the orb. His breath caught in surprise as he was stopped by Gin's hand that laid itself upon one of his arms.

"Oh?" he mused, looking at Gin curiously, "You don't think I should destroy them? I would remind you that the threat to our worlds from a demon such as this is profound, and I'm sure you are aware that it's not a given that Tetsuya will overcome the grip that snake has on him. He could fail and our worlds destabilize. Yet, you hesitate to have me act now? How reckless of you. You do this because Tetsuya is our friend?"

Gin considered carefully for a moment, then a lazy smile crawled onto his thin lips.

"Naw," he chuckled, "it's just that the powers that be went to such trouble to give Tetsuya that power, and he's not going to fail."

Aizen eyed his silver-haired companion more closely.

"You trust him that much? This friend of yours?" he asked pointedly.

"I thought he was our friend," Gin said, smirking, "And I was actually thinkin' that your leverage point for the application of whatever power you have might be much lower than the leverage point of the change force that was made specifically to destroy that demon. You'd have to use a lot of power to kill both of them, and it would be bad, I assume, for the Gotei to sense you using an unnaturally strong power like that?"

Aizen couldn't hold back an appreciative smile.

"A very astute observation, Gin," he praised his lover as he fixed his eye on Tetsuya again, "And I must agree that assuming Tetsuya's power is a change force that fate has designed to apply to this specific worldly threat, it is logical to assume that the leverage point it will use is a higher one than one that happened across these two. Very well, then, if it is your desire, I will leave them alone…although, you do realize he could still fail?"

Gin looked on quietly as the demon snake detached from Tetsuya's white breast and sank back down into Orochi's now collapsed and resting body.

"He won't fail," Gin said with certainty.

"Hmm, you have tremendous faith in the universe, don't you?" Aizen observed.

"Nope," Gin laughed, "Look at'em and you'll see it."

"Hmm?"

Aizen's piqued brown eyes followed Gin's gaze to where the fingers of one of Orochi's hands were laced together with Tetsuya's in a gesture that radiated possessiveness and control, but seemed also bracing. And Tetsuya's face, he noted, was turned towards, not away from Orochi's.

Truly fascinating.

Aizen's head turned and his eye fell on Gin again. He thought of the wicked, compelling voice in his head that had spent decades trying so viciously to separate him from his Gin.

His brown eyes widened at the thought.

This voice in my head, this invader…fears Gin's influence.

It was so obvious, why hadn't he seen it before, why hadn't he noticed when it mattered. Idiot!

He blinked slowly.

What does this say about Gin? Could it be that fate has brought him close to me, and he is the change force meant to be applied to this thing that afflicts my mind?

What an enchanting thought!

Gin…the change force only looking to apply himself to the perfect leverage point…and this thing in my head trying to shift to avoid him…truly amazing!

And now that the voice wanted Gin for leverage and Gin knew and was going along with it...Perhaps he, no perhaps they could find that point.

He gave his silver-haired partner a sly grin and let go of the orb hidden in his clothing. Instead, he placed his hand in Gin's and turned him away from the now silently sleeping shinigamis.

"So, you're not gonna kill them, even though it would surely end the threat of that snake demon?" Gin asked curiously.

"Well," Aizen said, smirking at him and kissing him on the cheek as they started walking again in the direction of the private lake retreat, "you made such a compelling argument…and your protectiveness for your friend is…touching."

"So, just like that, you'll give up a chance to save the world, Sou?" Gin chuckled.

Aizen glanced back over his shoulder at the shinigami angel resting quietly in the arms of his devilish counterpart.

"I think the world is safe in those hands, don't you?"


	18. A God Am I

A/N: I own nothing. TheDrunkenWerewolf owns the verse she's just letting me play with her toys. Kubo owns everything else. Written to Fake it by Seether

Warning: Contains lines shamelessly lifted from Wolfie fics.

Summery: Aizen contemplates Gin's place in his life on the night between CF and Sanc.

Written by: Timewaster123456789

* * *

**A God Am I**

Aizen stared into the corpse–filled darkness, black as his soul. It was ironic, he'd stood against, well that might have been a slight exaggeration, he'd resisted the voice alone for so long. Now here he was mere days from making his move, on the eve of beginning his ascension to godhood and utterly, painfully aware of his lingering humanity.

I will be God, he kept repeating it in his head like a mantra, going over his plans in an effort to convince himself. Still his thoughts drifted.

There was no light of course but he saw scenes playing across the canvas of the room, the times he'd pushed Gin away. Momo gods damn the bitch, and damn himself. The massacre…his mind tried to skip over that one, it was still too fresh, he couldn't even attempt to cast a dispassionate eye on it yet. Bile rose in his throat anyway as he forced it to the back of his mind again, only for it to immediately be replaced by what he'd done to Gin the night he'd told his moon about the voice, the crime that had made him finally talk. A shiver ran through him and he felt Gin shift beside him disturbed by the motion.

He wrapped an arm around the sleeping form and smiled softly despite his mood.  
Gin was about the only good thing he hadn't managed to fuck up in his worthless life.

'Not for lack of trying,' the voice whispered, it sounded about as tired as he felt and he didn't even bother arguing, just held his moon tighter. He could feel the voice's rage as it snarled before going blissfully silent again.

He shouldn't feel like this. It wasn't fitting for a man, much less a captain and certainly not a god. Gods didn't feel shaky, they weren't vulnerable, they made their own destiny, didn't need anyone but pawns. Certainly, they didn't need someone to give them hope, a god was confident. They didn't need a light in the dark or a reason to keep fighting for just one more week, one more day. He looked down imagining that he could see Gin's silver hair glowing in the dark despite the fact that he shouldn't be able to see anything.

He'd felt isolated for so long, standing alone in the cold teeth of the storm. Gin had given him warmth and shelter when he'd long since forgotten what they meant, forgotten that there was something beyond the dark ice of his soul and the piercing pain of the voice. When he'd thought momentarily that death or at least oblivion would be preferable.

A wave of relief and gratitude washed over him, catching him by surprise with its force and his throat tightened. His breath hitched quietly as he choked back the fresh tears that rose in his throat, burning his eyes and nose. He sniffed and glanced down to make sure he hadn't woken Gin. If Gin tried to comfort him now he had little doubt that it would devolve into another unwarranted snivelfest.

Not that it really mattered any more but he did have his pride. He smiled a dark, humorless smile; he had his pride all right, largely because Gin had gone out of his way to preserve it. Gin'd dealt with the situation, which by rights he should have taken full advantage of, with almost insulting gentleness. 'Almost' was of course the key word, at the moment he could be honest enough with himself to admit he'd desperately needed it. Another strike against him, gods didn't need coddling.

He'd been shocked by Gin's reaction, so unlike what he'd grown to expect between the voice and his general observation of people. He by no means meant to make a habit of it, in fact he wanted nothing more than to restore Gin's image of him. However knowing that if he did slip he wouldn't be torn apart while he was down was, as stupid as it sounded, reassuring.

He fixed his stare on the empty darkness and tried to get a grip, exhaled shakily in an effort to calm down. This was ridiculous, he'd already broken down, as ashamed as he was it should have at least gotten this out of his system. Why did he still feel raw? Why wasn't he over it, moving on? Granted he knew full well that wasn't how it worked, at least for him. It always took so much longer to pick up the pieces than to just keep your damn shit together in the first place. One of the myriad reasons he hated losing control.

It still pissed him off.

He remembered struggling to keep the façade up after he'd finally chased Gin away. True to his reputation, Soul Society had fallen for it, though he always wondered if he'd managed to fool Gin. Probably not entirely or his moon wouldn't be here now. He remembered fighting to shake off his reaction the night he'd attacked Gin, wallpapering over what he had no time to deal with. He'd had no choice then, the voice had its demands. He was simply angry that he couldn't handle himself, couldn't handle being a person, angry that it had fallen to Gin to take the pressure off until he could get himself together.

Angry that he still hadn't.

Gin wriggled closer in his sleep, almost super-humanly so. Aizen was going to assume he was still asleep at least, shame warred with gratitude but he wasn't about to look that gift horse in the mouth. He hadn't felt so humiliated in years. Oddly enough that thought brought back pleasant memories.

"Maybe he's needs to be punished again?" Kyouka offered attempting to lighten the mood.

"Maybe," Aizen replied and actually smiled, though he had no intention of doing so even in jest. He had no desire to throw his moon's mercy back in his face. It was a fraction of what Gin had earned but for the moment, it was the best he could do, when they got to Hueco Mundo…

He realized he felt better; the tremors racking his body had receded. He no longer felt like he was clinging to composure by his fingertips. Relief mingled with disgust, gods also didn't need contact just so they could stop shaking like a leaf. For all his anger and self-loathing though, he couldn't bring himself to get up or even push Gin away, in fact he found himself holding his moon closer without even thinking about it. He would hold that ghostly glow of silver too if he could, the one spot of light in a dark room, in a dark life, in his coal black soul, like a lighthouse.

"Thank you," he breathed as he rubbed Gin's sleeping back.

* * *

Anytime, Gin thought, remaining as still as possible. Usually Sousuke could instantly tell when he was feigning sleep and he worried a bit at that, but figured it was understandable that he was a little distracted given everything that had happened. He kept silent, Sousuke had tried so hard to get things back to normal, seemed so concerned with rebuilding his image that Gin worried that if he followed his instincts and tried to be comforting it would just add more stress. Sousuke would doubtless feel the need to keep himself in check. Anyway, he enjoyed the glimpse of realness even if he could only observe it through sound and touch.

To say that Sousuke didn't wear his heart on his sleeve was an understatement. Until yesterday he'd seen the man choke-up maybe a handful of times over almost a century. Not once had there been actual tears, so he knew that this 'voice'— the one he'd known about for over a year and thought little of beyond 'that thing that attacked me once'— was some real shit.

He also knew from personal experience that the last thing his sun needed was some condescending prick trying to make things better. He wanted privacy, needed comfort, at least that's how Gin'd feel and it seemed they were more similar than he'd ever imagined. He was determined to give both, because the man was his sun, his sanctuary. Aizen was going to take Gin with him regardless of his momentary fear because Aizen wanted Gin with him, not anyone else. That alone washed the fear away. He could be open and not worry about being cast aside, even if Aizen could perhaps find better, tougher accomplices. That was more reassuring than he could express.

* * *

Aizen drew another shaky breath and continued to stroke Gin's hair, turning a little so that he could clutch the younger man with both arms. He whispered nothing statements in his moon's ear, just gooey meaningless words, but they brought him comfort and maybe somewhere in his subconscious they brought Gin comfort too. He hoped so, that somewhere Gin knew all the things he couldn't say face to face. He contemplated the old saying about what you were in the dark and gave a bitter laugh.

It was of course, supposed refer to the immoral side that you kept hidden, Gin knew all of that though, a smug smile crossed his face and he squeezed his partner tighter. Aizen was the most dangerous Shinigami in Soul Society, depending on one's point of view the most evil; yet Gin was a most willing accomplice.

What was he in the dark then? Just a trembling, worthless little ball of doubt, delusion, madness and self-loathing, unfortunately Gin knew that now too. His hand shook a bit as he handled his moon. He didn't care, he was too tired and could afford to drop his guard a little now that Gin was asleep. Only a little though, he expected the voice to pounce now that he had granted it an opening and prepared for the inevitable, a small price to pay.

He realized that he shouldn't have been so surprised by Gin's acceptance. The fox had been dragging his sorry ass out of the abyss for decades now, whether he deserved it or not. He thought back to the picture of them from when he'd first met Cherry. The physical picture hadn't existed in ten years but the memory remained.

'And why did he burn it?' the voice asked mocking.

'Right on time,' he sneered, belaying the familiar terror he felt as the ice cracked a little more under his feet and he remembered how unworthy he was of the fox in his arms.. He anticipated slipping into the cold waters of despair again, however when he looked down at Gin the tide of panic receded a little. I thought we were past that? Past her, Gin had said.

'Why? Why did he burn it?' the voice repeated. 'How does a fuck-up like you get to keep him?'

'It doesn't matter,' he replied, clenching his fists to stop them from shaking.

'You pathetic, needy fool! Of course it does. You think he isn't going to make you pay. You think he'll ever actually love you again. Assuming he ever did to begin with.'

Aizen actually smiled at his faceless tormentor.

'It doesn't matter to Gin. Therefore it doesn't matter,' he thought this with as much conviction as he could muster though he wasn't sure he believed it.

On one hand Gin had replaced the picture. On the other he wanted it to be true too badly to trust his instincts. He looked down at Gin again and decided that it really didn't matter. If the voice was right, they'd work it out. He wiped unshed tears from his eyes as time crawled by and braced for the next assault, but the voice never replied. Eventually he let the tension drain from his body.

Lying down without taking his arms from Gin he drifted off to sleep, at peace in a way he hadn't been since…ever. Even the night after he fought Grand Fisher he'd been tense from trying to hold it together in front of Gin. He'd felt safe in Gin's arms that night but this was a different sort of peace and it was incredible.

In the light of day he was the man who would be god and soon they would see exactly how much they should fear him. In the dark, he was just a ship lost at sea. Gin called him his sun though, chose to stay even though everyone knew that he could do better. In the dark he was nothing, but against all odds and reason Gin was his and that was everything.


	19. Choices

Summary: standing on the desolate wastes of Huecco Mundo, Gin reflects on the choices that led him here. Regretting absolutely nothing.  
Heirverse phases 1-3: the short version. Can be read as a standalone piece.

Timeline: Phase 3. After/alongside Stand By Me but before God Am I and flowering Dogwood.

a/n: A tl;dr: Chessboards/Heirverse edition :) and me gearing up for Heir remastering. Also writingwise: Crossreference Hell and a grand total of 10 weeks to write.

Notes: spoilers&crossreferences everywhere and throughout. Past adultery. Mild angst but with a happy ending. GSW's if you know me [I am the asshole who wrote phase 2]. Feelings.

EDIT – yes I am aware of the hubris of quoting myself and i know i will pay for it later.

* * *

"_I wanna live with ya, and die with ya, and everything with ya."_

_\- TDW [Heirverse]_

**Choices**

Looking back on his life, Ichimaru gin knew that all the choices he'd made were what led him here. Standing on the desolate godforsaken wastelands of Huecco Mundo, gazing upon nothing but bones and sand and dead trees that, upon closer inspection, appeared to be made of some sort of quartz. Brittle quartz, too, because the slightest touch and pieces fell off. Not very good, if you asked him. But Sousuke had said this was a world of death and decay, _and a place of nightmares besides, _so it made sense. He stood and surveyed this new world, standing beside his lover as the cold wind whipped through their hair and clothes, and he shivered. Wondering for just a moment how on earth he got here, and what on earth had possessed him to choose this.

But then his lover took his hand and the moment passed very quickly. Besides, he knew the answers to those questions already. They were ingrained into him. Just like the choices he'd made over the decades. A set of decisions he could trace right back to the very beginning of his life with Aizen Sousuke.

The first of these choices was to approach the man after that first lecture at the academy in his student days. Aizen had been called in as a last minute substitute for Captain Hirako. Gin had been apprehensive, as he was around new people who hadn't earned his trust. And _especially_ so with this man who seemed so composed and collected like nothing at all could faze him. But when Aizen stood scanning the class in front of him and met his eyes and seemed to do a double take, faltered, and dropped the piece of chalk in his hand onto the floor, all that apprehension vanished. Because beneath that calm, composed exterior lay someone who made mistakes, too. And the way Aizen had laughed and played it off, apologising like a dorky, bumbling, idiot professor – or even a librarian – Gin decided to give him a chance and made the choice to go and talk to him after class.

After that, Gin took to talking to him whenever he could. Sometimes Ran had to come and literally drag him away for dinner before it got too late. She would sigh, exasperated, grab his arm and pull him home.

It was around that time she cottoned onto his little crush on Aizen-sama. He'd denied it of course, but nothing got past her. Add the fact that Gin couldn't lie to save his life, and it became very obvious. She teased him endlessly about it. Even writing stupid notes n class and throwing them at him, which he screwed up, scowling. When he got in trouble for that she was so smug it was irritating.

"_Go get him, tiger,"_ she teased when Aizen told him to stay after class.

"_Fuck you, Ran,"_ was his curt response. Though she didn't let it rest until he went on a date with the man.

"_How about I take you out to dinner, as an apology?" _He suggested.

"_I..._ _ya don't hafta do that." _Gin answered. But Rangiku wouldn't have it.

"_He'd love to!" _She'd chirped, placing her hands on Gin's shoulder. "_**Wouldn't you, **Gin?"_

Gin had been unsure. Wary. Because who hadn't heard of Aizen Sousuke's playboy reputation? Who hadn't seen the victims the man had used and broken? If it went no further than this, if he refused, Gin would avoid that risk of heartbreak, and his little crush would remain just that – a crush. But it was hard to ignore that little part of him that kept asking** '**_**what if?' **_

_What if it worked out? What if you don't take the chance and end up regretting it forever? _

_What if he's the one who makes you happy? _

Gin knew he should have been wary. Should approach him with caution, the way one should when approaching a venomous snake that could turn around and bite him without any warning. But Ran seemed to trust him, that little part of him was being so damn persistent, and in spite of what everyone said about Aizen Sousuke – that he was a playboy, a liar, a user – the man did seem earnestly genuine in his interest.

_And what if it **did** work out?_

So Gin put on his most winning smile and decided to give him a chance.

"_Sure, why not?"_

. . .

His next big decision after that should have been easy. But it wasn't. Aizen had gotten himself shitfaced drunk one day, gods knew why, and Gin just happened to forget his notebook in the classroom that same day. Aizen-sama had been all over the place, and all over him as he tried to help the man home in one piece, and it hadn't gone unnoticed. Kyoraku Taichou saw them, made some snide comments about Aizen 'settling down', and pretty much gave Gin a warning to stay away, if he knew what was good for him. To which Aizen scowled and snarled drunkenly.

"_Ah'd neva hurt 'im."_

But Kyoraku just snorted, not believing it for a minute, after which Aizen-sama so very eloquently told Kyoraku to "_go fuck yerself with a goddamn cactus!"_

Gin had been so proud of him, until Aizen passed out and hit the floor, face first.

But it ended up being too late. The doubt had already been planted inside him. Because after Aizen had come to and Gin helped him stumble home, he began questioning everything. Was this a good idea? Was Aizen just using him for a few laughs? What if this all ended badly? _What if? What if? What if? _

What if this was all a mistake?

He knew Aizen's reputation. He knew what the man was like. How many hearts he'd broken. He knew running away was the wisest course of action here, that he was kidding himself thinking Aizen Sousuke - the playboy, chessmaster extraordinaire – would ever settle down and love him. That Sousuke wouldn't, couldn't, afford the type of love he wanted; that led to a lasting relationship, to marriage, to a family.

In fact he should probably just cut his losses and spare himself the shame of it all blowing up in his face...

But Sousuke had just looked up at him and said it didn't matter, that he just wanted to make Gin happy. And that, coupled with that connection, that spark they shared, was enough to make Gin change his mind, and choose to stay.

And so when Sousuke posed the question, _"Stay with me?"_ Gin found the answer came easily.

_"Always."_

. . .

It was several years later that Gin made his next choice.

Things between him and Sousuke had been progressing nicely, and they were growing ever closer. Gin didn't think things could get any better than they were with now. He was smiling more, laughing more, growing more secure in his position and gaining confidence. And he' and d never seen Sousuke so happy. Life was just good all around. Gin had a feeling that if this wasn't what love felt like, then well it was pretty damn close. He even remembered relaxing with Sousuke one rainy day in autumn and just thinking he could spend the rest of his life with him. And then Sousuke looked up from his book and caught him looking.

"_What?"_ Sousuke asked.

"_Nothin'." _Gin answered. Smiling to himself. Aizen eyed him suspiciously for a moment before returning to his book.

"_You know, there's a fireworks _display_ on tomorrow night." Aizen said after that. "We should go."_

"_We should." Gin agreed. "Hope the rain clears up before then, though."_

"_Yes," Sousuke agreed, "Standing in the rain isn't much fun, is it?"_

"_Well, it can be if yer with the right person..." Gin said, and Aizen smiled knowingly. "But yeah, be better if it's dry."_

Gin pretty much dragged him out that next night, too excited for the fireworks display. Though Sousuke humoured his overexuberance and followed along good-naturedly. And if he had any complaints at all he kept them to himself. Though Gin suspected Aizen didn't really _have_ any complaints and was just happy to see him smiling so much.

"_C'mon, c'mon, we're gonna miss it!"_

"_Gin," Sousuke laughed, letting himself be roughly dragged along through the crowd. "Slow down."_

"_Hurry **up, **Sou!"_

_Aizen just laughed again. "There's plenty of time, Gin."_

Gin had laughed and manoeuvred them through the crows and found them the _best_ spot. And when the first set of fireworks went up and exploded in an array of pretty colours above them, Gin grabbed Sousuke's hand and pointed up at the sky. At once both excited and awed. _"Ooh, look!"_

He didn't know Aizen had spent a long moment just gazing tenderly at him before joining him in watching the fireworks until Shinsou told him much later.

. . .

Walking home that night, taking the scenic route through the forest path, Gin found his next decision very easy. It had been a lovely evening. A wonderful, magical evening. And it felt – to Gin at least – that the beautifully dark, star filled night was theirs alone. Especially with Vulpecula, the little fox constellation in view above them. And Gin smiled as he walked, hand in hand with Sousuke, and marvelled at his sun and his stars, and all the pretty constellations above them. And at how everything just seemed right with the world.

It was a moment Gin wanted to last forever. Because _this_ was what he'd fallen for. _This _was what he wanted; the real Aizen Sousuke. And it only affirmed the thought, the fact, that Aizen Sousuke was the one for him.

Aizen laughed at something he said, and smiled, and Gin just looked at him and thought, _'Yes. This is the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with.'_

And so the next choice was very easy.

"_Aizen-sama."_

"_Hmm?"_

"_I love you."_

Aizen stopped dead in his tracks, stopping Gin with him, still holding his hand. At first, Gin thought something was wrong, but then he caught sight of the older man's huge grin. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could react he felt himself yanked forward and crushed against Aizen's body in a tight embrace. He gasped at the suddeness of it, and for just a moment his eyes were wide open with surprise. He was just overwhelmed. By Sousuke's reaction, his emotions, by _him._ It took him a moment to remember how to even **breathe. **

But that passed quickly. Because he knew he was safe. He was in Sousuke's arms. And wasn't that what he'd always wanted?

He closed his eyes and relaxed into those arms, listening to Aizen Sousuke's erratic, uneven heartbeat, and felt the older man – no, his partner – take in a deep, trembling breath to steady himself.

"_Finally." _Sousuke breathed, shakily. Incapable of saying much else. But the sentiment wasn't lost on Gin. He knew how the man felt, so he just returned the embrace, and breathed in the scent of the man he loved.

. . .

When they got back home to Sousuke's house, they were both **very **happy. Positively giddy with excitement and new love. Gin didn't think either he _or_ Sousuke had **ever **smiled so much. Or kissed so much. Or laughed so much. It was nice, and Gin didn't ever want to come down from this high. Didn't ever want to leave Sousuke's side.

And when Sousuke told him _"I want to make love to you," _Gin only hesitated out of nervousness, when all of the breath left his lungs.

"_Oh."_

"_That is, if you want me to." Sousuke told him. "I won't force you."_

"_Uhm, Sou..." Gin swallowed. Trying to stifle his sudden rising panic that despite everything he'd done, once he gave in, he'd just go the way of all Sousuke's other lovers. _

_And with Sousuke's fingers tracing up his clothed spine, Gin had started babbling. _

"_Do ya really want me? D'ya want me, Aizen-san? Or d'ya jus' want... jus' want..."_

_Gin couldn't even finish the question, too afraid of the answer._

"_Yes," Sousuke answered, his lips claiming Gin's again. "I want you." Another kiss, slow and deep. "I want to be with you."_

"_Then yoa gotta give me everythin'." Gin told him. "I don't... I don't wanna be like yer others." _

"_You won't be," Sousuke breathed. "My mind is yours, my body is yours, my heart is yours." _

_A pause. A hand on Gin's cheek. _

"You won't be like the others."

_It was all the assurance Gin needed. "'Kay." he said quietly. "Make love to me."_

_Sousuke smiled at him, soft and warm and bright like the sun, and Gin knew he'd made the right choice – because all felt right in his world. _

_And when Gin nervously asked him, "Be gentle?"_

_Sousuke just smiled and answered, "We'll go slow."_

And true to his word, they did. And it was everything Gin had dreamed it would be. And looking back on it, Gin was so glad Sousuke had made him wait for it until he was ready. And when he was sore and achy the next day, Sousuke bent over backwards to look after him. Only further validating the promises made and Gin's choices. Even when Shinsou snickered and said _"Aren't you glad you waited?"_

. . .

They'd moved in together not long after that. Both fed up of saying goodbye in the evening and just generally living apart. They'd put it off for months, but still, it was another easy choice.

"_Do you want to live with me?" Sousuke asked one night. _

_Gin just smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."_

He was rewarded with one of Sousuke's genuine smiles that night. And another round of lovemaking. And when Gin carried his boxes inside the house the next day, Sousuke had never looked so happy.

"_Where d'ya wan' me ta put this?" Gin asked, gesturing to the photograph in his hands. _

"_Wherever you want." Sousuke told him, grinning like a loon. _

. . .

Gin's next choice, however, wasn't quite as thought through. No, it was very, _very_ spontaneous, highly irregular, and a spur of the moment decision.

They were in the human world, walking in the drizzling rain, on their way back to their hotel from the theatre. They'd had a little wine that evening, so they were both in a good mood. Walking hand in hand, talking and laughing together. Gin spied a little church as they walked down the street, and had an idea.

"_Sousuke, let's get married!"_

_Sousuke opened his mouth, but no words came out. And for an instant, Gin was terrified he'd be rejected. He was just about to retract his suggestion, laugh it off and blame the wine, when his lover answered him. _

"_Yes, let's get married then."_

_Gin could have burst with joy. "C'mon then," he called, pulling Aizen by the hand in the direction of the little church. Sousuke just laughed and let himself be dragged along. _

"_What? Now?"_

"_Yes, now!" Gin answered. "C'mon!"_

And Gin pulled him, laughing and giddy, full of excitement, all the way to the church. Never more certain of anything in his life.

. . .

He almost lost his nerve when he got there. When he was actually standing at the altar. Once again plagued by doubts circling him like sharks, ready to tear him apart with their _'what if's._

What if he wasn't good enough?

What if he wasn't strong enough to stand beside his Aizen-sama?

What if Sousuke didn't love him? What if he changed his mind and decided it was a bad idea?

What if all of this was a mistake?

What if? What if? What if?

Gin ran a hand through his hair, convinced this was a bad idea. He opened his mouth to tell Sousuke so, but all he managed to get out was a whisper.

"_I look a mess."_

It seemed to sum up everything.

But Sousuke just smiled at him, lovely and warm like Helios the sun god, and squeezed his hand.

"_Shut up," Sousuke whispered back. "You look perfect."_

It was all the affirmation Gin needed. And reassured, he squeezed his lover's hand n return.

"_Are you ready?" Sousuke asked him. _

_Gin just smiled. "Yes. I'm ready now."_

And with that they promised to love each other, to cherish each other. For richer for poorer. In sickness and in health. Til death did they part.

. . .

For a long time after that, they fell into a familiar pattern of domestic happiness. Married life.

But it didn't last.

Something – someone – had been poisoning his Sousuke's thoughts. Diminishing his smile so it stopped reaching his eyes. Initially Gin believed it was because of something he'd done, that Sousuke seemed to be drifting away from him. But it soon dawned on him that the reason was within Sousuke. Inside his lover, not out. It was a curse, a disease, a _parasite_, eating away at his Helios' happiness and well being. An illness. And Gin hated it. But what he hated even more was the feeling of powerlessness he felt, being unable to banish the darkness threatening to consume the love of his life.

The inability to stop the rain in his heart.

It happened gradually. So slowly Gin might have missed it had he not been paying close attention. He watched his beloved steadily retreat inwards, lose interest in things he enjoyed – reading, night-time walks together, even lovemaking. And when he lost interest in playing with Cherry and Tsuku, Gin knew things were dire. He knew they were in trouble. That the darkness had already infected, and his Sousuke's world had been shrouded in hellish darkness, with no light to be seen at all.

But Gin chose not to give in. he chose to fight. For Sousuke, the man he loved. Because he'd promised. He'd made vows. _For better, for worse. _So whatever came their way, he was going to stand by his man.

He took Sousuke to see the fireworks in autumn. Sousuke's favourite season. _'For the colours', _he'd said. Doing his absolute best to pull his Helios out of the hellish darkness around him. Pull his Sousuke's mind out of the dark place it had taken up residence in.

"_Sousuke?"_

"_Hm?"_

"_Wanna go see the fireworks?"_

_He watched a small, hopeful smile bloom on his Sousuke's face at the suggestion. _

"_Sure. Why not?"_

And then Gin was pulling him out of the chair, raring to go. Just so happy that Sousuke was smiling again.

And when they walked home afterwards, and Gin asked him if they'd always be together, Sousuke promised they would.

"_Will be always be together?"_

"_Yes. We'll always be together. We'll always be perfectly happy, just like this."_

And Gin believed him. Even wishing for it to be true in the new year, upon a falling star.

. . .

It was a fleeting happiness, but Gin refused to give up. He wouldn't surrender. Not until he'd managed to pull his Sousuke out of the hellish darkness. Silenced the hellish voice n his head poisoning his thoughts, devouring his happiness. Because Gin loved him. And he couldn't just give up on someone he loved. Even though it would have been easy. Even though nobody would have blamed him – their relationship was doomed from the start, everyone said so.

_Fuck them. _Gin thought. _I love him. An' ya fight fer what you love in this world, if it kills you._

So he did. Even though it was hard. Even if sometimes it felt like fighting a losing battle. An abandoned war.

He left flowers expressing his love (red tulips and Heliotropes). Expressing desire for Sousuke's happiness (madwort and jonquil). Told Sousuke 'I love you' everyday. Sheltered him from the rain, even though Sousuke cursed him for a pluviophile. Because he'd made his choice and he was going to stick by it. Even if the flowers he left withered and died, unanswered.

In hindsight, not one of his brightest ideas. Perhaps one of his biggest mistakes, because everything went to complete shit not too long after that. His marriage was left in shambles for the longest time. And Gin was left questioning everything.

. . .

Needless to say, Gin had been devastated by the affair when he found out. _Devastated. _Because his trust had been betrayed. Because Sousuke broke his promises. Because their marriage evidently meant so little to Sousuke that he would do a thing like this...

Heartbroken didn't even begin to cover how he felt. Furious wasn't a strong enough word. Vitriolic was an understatement for how he reacted when faced with the traitor.

Betrayed, hurt, crushed were more accurate words – though even those fell short. But having that raging sea of emotions inside him was enough to tip him over the edge. That was probably why he lost it and threw every single bit of crockery at the man when he came home that night.

"_You **whore!" **Gin screamed, launching a plate, smashing it. "You fucking prick!"_

"_Gin, let me explain."_

"_What's there to explain? I saw you. With her. Mak- ….**fucking."**_

Gin didn't even let him explain. Because if he started talking Gin didn't think he could hold himself together. Ad gods knew he was struggling enough to do that as it was. Not that it made much difference, because he burst into tears anyway.

"_How **could** you?" Gin sobbed. "To **me?** To **us?"**_

_How could I have made such a big mistake in trusting you?_

It was a question that still plagued him sometimes. _Was this all a big mistake?_ But at the time the only answer he received was the man's arms around him while he wept. Though Gin fought his embrace, Sousuke just kept apologising over and over again. And saying he loved him.

. . .

Gin did have to wonder if he was incredibly stupid at times. Even now he questioned his intelligence. His sanity, too, come to think of it. Because what kind of idiot forgave a cheat? What kind of stupid _moron_ did such a thing after being hurt and betrayed so badly?

Of course he sat questioning it for the longest time. _Is this healthy? _He wondered. _Is this right? Am I the biggest idiot on the goddamn planet?_

He probably was. Either that, or Sousuke was a highly addictive drug. Whichever it was, Gin couldn't really live without him. Aizen Sousuke was all he had ever really known. The only man he'd ever loved. Gin was a better person when he was around, and he loved the way Sousuke made him feel.

So he made quite possibly one of the stupidest choices in his life: to take him back.

"_I wanna make this work." Gin told him. Taking his hand across the table, looking into the eyes of the man he loved. The man he couldn't **un**love._

He had a few conditions, of course. Like Sousuke giving up his rights to privacy. And getting a new bed.

"_I refuse to sleep in a place where you fucked her." Gin told him. Refusing to believe the truth that Hinamori Momo had never even **been** in their bed. But Gin was going to make their marriage work if it killed him._

. . .

Of course, actually _making_ it work was much harder than initially anticipated. Much, **much **harder.

Everytime the man touched him, Gin thought of them together. And vitriol bubbled up inside him again. In the beginning, Gin was too hurt and angry to let Sousuke even make him a cup of tea. Throwing the first few in his face – literally – the first few times. He let them grow cold, untouched on the table. Choosing instead to make his own. They slept together for one night before Gin took to the sofa again, because he couldn't get the image of them together out of his head.

When Sousuke left flowers expressing love and remorse, Gin binned them. Burnt them up with kidou. Often in front of Sousuke's face. And then Gin had sent all the hurtful flowers he could think of in answer.

Peonies for anger. Basil for hate. Mustard to say 'I am hurt'. Yellow roses for infidelity and departure of love. Nettles for cruelty and spite. Lavender for mistrust. Carolina syringa for disappointment. Frog ophrys for disgust. Winter cherry and white cherry tree for deception. _'You deceived me'. _Foxglove for insincerity. _'you are insincere'. _Aguas castus for coldness and indifference. And cypress, because Gin was still mourning the loss of what they had.

Sousuke was patient, though. Answering his spite with bluebells for sorrowful regret. Purple hyacinth to ask for forgiveness. Horseshoe leaf geraniums for stupidity, to say he was stupid. Together with the purple hyacinth: _'please forgive my stupidity'. _And heliotropes for devoted affection.

_Unwavering in his shouldering of the blame. _

It was Shinsou who talked him round. '_You aren't being very fair', _he said. Though it had taken a **lot** of convincing and nagging to get Gin to see it. To see that Sousuke was trying. That he was being awfully, cruelly unfair. That he couldn't forgive the man and then go throw it back in his face again.

_'Is this how he'd be treating you if **you** were in his shoes?' _Shinsou asked. And Gin felt horrible, because no. _No, it wasn't how Sousuke would be treating him at all. Sousuke would be trying to get them back on track at all costs._

And with that realisation, Gin decided to get his shit together. Because he knew if he kept this up, he'd just piss Sousuke off or drive him away. Or both. So Gin decided right then to swallow his pride and his bitterness and _forgive._

"_Sousuke?"_

"_Hm?"_

"_Can you make me a cup of tea?"_

It wasn't much, but he had to start somewhere. And Sousuke smiled. Which in turn made him smile. And for the first time in a long time, Gin drank the tea offered to him.

It was a start, anyway. And one of his better choices.

. . .

Several years passed with the two of them slowly growing back together. With Gin putting his lover's floral offerings into vases instead of burning them. Returning his embraces instead of just tolerating them. Embracing the feeling of warmth that rushed through him, thawing out his frozen heart, whenever the man smiled at him.

It was hard going but, he worked at it. He worked at it every day. Accepting the mugs of tea Sousuke made for him. Allowing himself to drink them and enjoy them – particularly the one Sousuke always left out for him every morning on the bedside table. And cautiously answering Sousuke's flowers with replies of his own.

Goldenrod for 'careful encouragement' replacing the mustard and yellow roses as his feelings thawed. Peppermint and white poplar, to say 'in time my feelings will warm to you'. Lilacs for 'first emotions of love' to replace the stinging nettles as Gin finally allowed himself to sleep beside his husband at night. And five years later, red tulips n the springtime: a declaration of love.

It took time. A lot of time. And work. And patience. And love.

It certainly wasn't easy. Not by any means. But Gin was willing to try, despite the slip-ups, the rows, the bickering. Because what they had together was worth saving. Worth bringing back from the brink of destruction. And eventually, Gin let his lover hold him. And months later, let his lips kiss him. And when Sousuke gave him the jonquil and lime tree flowers – saying, 'I want to make love to you' – Gin answered him with all the aster growing in their garden. _Aster for patience. _

It took two more years for Gin to be ready for him. But Sousuke waited patiently. And in the end, seven years after the affair, hey regained their physical intimacy, and made love. And Gin knew he'd made the right choice.

So after, when Sousuke asked, _"Stay with me?" _The answer came easy, and the choice was obvious.

"_Always."_

. . .

After that, the next choices were even easier. Defecting with Sousuke and following him to the desolate wasteland that was Huecco Mundo. Leaving his whole life behind just to be with Sousuke. Helping Sousuke fake his own death, though that part **hadn't** been easy...

"_Gin, it's not real. I'm right here."_

"_It **feels** real." Gin had said, looking up at the illusion of his lover's butchered body. "It's real **enough."**_

Facing the doubts swirling about inside him hadn't been easy, either. The question, the fear of the 'what if?'

_What if he leaves without me? _He'd wondered. Only to find out Sousuke was wrestling with the same doubts. The hellish voice inside his skull...

"_You don't have to do this with me." Aizen told him. _

"_But I **want **to." Gin told him. "I wanna live with ya, and die with ya, and everythin' with ya."_

Seeing Sousuke come to pieces with the strain being suddenly lifted from his shoulders just from Gin's words.

"_No, don't cry." Gin told him. Hard pressed not to start blubbering himself. "I said that ta make yo happy. You're not s'pposed to cry, ya idiot." _

And then finally getting Sousuke to relax enough to tell him just how bad things were with the voice...

"_You didn't tell me the voice was getting worse. How lon's tha' been goin' on?"_

_Sousuke sighed softly. "Slowly for... ever. It's been silent since we fell asleep."_

Gin smiled at the memories of his Sun's fingers squeezing his tightly. As if at any given moment he might vanish.

_S'always been a fear I guess. Bein' abandoned. _Gin thought. _I think that went fer both of us. But now when he holds me hand, it's... different. _

Gin closed his eyes and smiled softly, feeling the difference in that handhold. Now, when Sousuke's fingers squeezed his, there was a confidence n his grip. A feeling that Sousuke knew, now, that Gin wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. That he wasn't simply going to vanish, if he let go.

Not that Gin wanted to let go. Gin wanted to hold onto him forever. Until the world ended or the sky collapsed. Because Sousuke had said it best.

_With you, I am home. _

And Gin only echoed the sentiment. Feeling validated in all of the choices he had made up to this point. Standing on the barren, desolated wastes of Huecco Mundo with his other half. His soulmate. His Helios.

His sun and stars.

He smiled softly. Some people might say he was crazy. Perhaps he was. Others might say he'd made terrible mistakes, made all the wrong choices... but that didn't matter. Choices. Mistakes. They were just words. Who could say what Gin's decisions were, really? All Gin knew was that he was happy he'd made them. That he regretted none of them. How many people in the world could say that?

Gin's gaze drifted out over the white desert before them, littered with bones and debris and _hollow,_ quietly wondering how they were going to make a home here, until Sousuke broke the silence.

"I love you, you know," he said softly, "so much."

Gin just smiled tenderly at his Sousuke, laughing a little. _As if I needed telling. _

"I know," he answered. "I love you, too."

And when Aizen smiled at him in that way he did – when the light and warmth of it reached his eyes and it lit up his whole face in a way that made Gin's knees weak – Gin knew he'd definitely made the right choices in his life.

"Always?" Sousuke asked, smiling. It was somewhat of an inside joke now, because look how far they'd come from such uncertainties. So Gin just smiled back, crushed Sousuke to him in an embrace, and gave his answer.

"Always."


	20. Decisions

**Decisions by SesshomaruFreak.**

'Choices' in poem form. Kinda got away from me.

Wolfy remember what you said about a 30 word poem? *smirks*

* * *

The decisions I've made

And the price I've paid

To always be at your side

My eyes have been opened wide

You played your games of chess

I just wanted your caress

I can drown out the voice in your head

A lamb to the slaughter I was led

You know we belong together

Some days were bad, others were better

After all these years

Facing all our fears

Between the sand and the long days

Remember I love you,

Always


	21. Vulpecula

Summary: A quiet moment in Las Noches where Aizen and Gin look up at the stars and simply enjoy each other's company, completely uninterrupted. Shameless waffly fluff in what is for the most part a series with darker undertones, but Can be read as a standalone piece.

Timeline: phase 3. Sometime before events in Helios, though possibly with some overlap with Helios.

Time a/n: Massive thanks to Wolfie for letting me play in her verse. Tagging with you was a blast.

Wolfy a/n: Time is a gem. Huge thanks to her for tagging with me. It was a blast- like always- and very much needed at the time.

wordcount: 2214.

Notes: Oh look its the title of this collection XD Shameless waffle, softness and sap – but my boys deserve it. There will be a continuation for this scene just because forcing citrus here would take away from this moment and I do not often have softness suitable for all audiences in this series.

* * *

_Vulpecula_

_(By TheDrunkenWerewolf and Timewaster123456789)_

Gin laid the rug down on the grass ready for them to lay on and smiled at his husband. Who was currently looking around the beautiful garden that had seemingly been hidden away in the bowels of Las Noches grounds.  
"See, I told ya there was a garden," Gin grinned. Sitting down on the rug with his arms around his knees with them drawn up to his chest. "S'beaut'ful huh?"

"Like you," Aizen replied smoothly, slinging an arm around Gin. He looked cold. It felt good to relax a bit, he'd had to redouble the old mask for the arrancars and though Gin hadn't said anything and knew why he had to he could see the hurt in his moon's eyes at his facade of cruelty and indifference.

Gin smiled softly, shaking his head slightly at the flattery. Well, it was more of a compliment he knew now. He leant close and offered the older man his body heat. He knew this place got cold. "I know right. S'cold ain't it. We should probably install a sun lamp..." Gin smirked. Then added teasingly, "or better yet an actual sun."

He leant over and pulled something out of the bag he brought the rug in. "Here," He said gently, wrapping his constellation scarf around Aizen's neck. "This'll Keep the chill away."

That stung his continued failure to actually create that sun thrown back in his face, he looked up at the stars as Gin continued talking and he felt the scarf land on him.

This was ridiculous he'd simply wanted to keep Gin warm, physically at least, make up in some tiny way for bringing him here. Still it didn't stop it from feeling good though. It brought a tender smile to his face and he didn't even try to hide it.

"You do that well enough on your own," he said softly. As usual Gin was doing everything right and he...

he could feel the voice stir and shook off the self-pity. It really didn't become a god.

Gin smiled softly at him. "Flatterer," He said gently quietly enjoying the smile bloom on Sousuke's face. It made Gin so happy to see him smile it should be illegal.

...but as quickly as it'd come, it started to fade at the edges.

"Hey ya okay?" Gin nudged him. Scooching closer to him. His lover tended to do that. Drift off into his own little world from time to time. In the beginning he thought the man was just easily distracted. Now he knew better. Now he knew it was the voice.

"Alw..." Aizen shook his head and looked at Gin. "I'm fine now," he whispered and gave in to the urge to pull Gin closer. Anything to keep the darkness at bay. "You?"

Gin let himself be pulled close and wrapped his arms around Aizen. "'m glad." He said. Giving his lover a gentle squeeze. "I'm good. Jus happy t'get some time alone with ya." He grinned wolfishly. He was trying for seductive but... well let's just say he wasn't very good at that yet.

"Same," he said and reached down to select a juniper for _'protection' and a dark geranium for 'melancholy' _from the ground by his feet he handed them to Gin.

Gin couldn't help the idiotic smile spreading across his face. It'd been a long time since he'd gotten flowers he didn't know yet, though understanding the context he just _knew _it would be something sweet. That and the soft adoring look on Aizen's face just said everything.

"Aw thanks," He beamed as he took them. Face feeling hot. He knew he was a bright pink now too. Apparently he was not past this stage of blushing like a schoolgirl with a big crush... which he'd thought passed a long time ago. "I dunno what these mean yet but gimme a minute,"

Gin quickly disentangled from his lover's arms and pulled his flower dictionary from the bag. Looking through it.

"You want geranium and juniper,"Aizen supplied. Gin nodded and looked for them.

Aizen smirked at Gin's blush because well old habits died hard, ridiculously slow deaths, but as Gin turned to focus on the dictionary in the low light he let the tender smile return watching his moon read. All focused and studious like...before...decades ago when they'd met. He quickly moved away from that train of thought before this rendezvous turned even sappier than he intended.

He waited for a snarky remark from Kyouka, but she said nothing. Probably not wanting to ruin the peaceful moment. There were so few and far between. Especially here. In the dark. In the place of nightmares.

Gin kept searching the entries until he found what he was looking for. Once he'd found the meanings he just needed to put them together to make a sentence. A sentiment.  
This one was: _you give me protection from my melancholy._

"Oh that's..." Gin just smiled. A very happy sound escaping him. He was somewhat at a loss for words. Sousuke was finally opening up. Finally expressing himself. "Oh, is this... how long you felt like this?" He asked, a spark of elated hopefulness in his voice.

He watched in surprise at how happy, almost elated Gin was until Gin spoke. He hesitated a moment tempted to hedge but finally answered honestly. "Since the festival, Rukon stew," he muttered embarrassed.

Gin quieted down a little, smiling tenderly at the memory. There was a flower for that. White Periwinkle: tender recollections. Gin always confused the blue Periwinkle with the white as they were so similar, but they had vastly different meanings. Blue for early friendship. White for pleasant recollections. Gin filed that thought away for later use. He could put that with peppermint...

"That early?" He asked, softly. Smiling very warmly. Choosing to ignore the very slight little blush colouring Aizen's cheeks.

Aizen nodded and looked back at the sky. It was awkward as all hell but he was more worried about killing the mood saying something stupid so he remained silent and took the well deserved amusement on Gin's part. He could see the laughter dancing in the younger man's eyes and it was more than worth the discomfort of it being at his expense.

"So it weren't just me, feeling stuff that day" Gin said, also turning his gaze upwards to the stars. Looking for their constellation, the little fox, Vulpecula, hoping he'd find it here as well. Remembering how that night they talked for _hours _over the stew, and then spent the night together and then _Cherry _and then...

"Thought it was just me," Aizen whispered more to himself then Gin. "It's there," he pointed out their fox on the shroud of the night sky, he'd made a point of finding it the night they'd settled in.

"Oh, yer right," Gin smiled. "Just by the edge a that cloud..." He pointed upwards at it. Happy. "There we are."  
He smiled wider. Snuggling himself close to his partner. "And it weren't just you."

"Well that's obvious at this point," he teased rolling his eyes, _reassuring all the same though. _He moved subtly so Gin could get closer.

"No duh, " Gin sassed back. Even though he pressed himself closer. He wanted to be as close as he could possibly get... with clothes on. At least for the moment anyway. There'd be plenty of time for... _that__... _later.

They sat in silence and Aizen found himself reflecting on the past good times, warmer and sunnier at least. Well in a literal sense, he had all the warmth and light he needed as long as Gin was here. He sighed at ease and grateful for the fact that for once thoughts were light-hearted.

Meanwhile Gin's thoughts were on a similar track. His mind was casting back over the years and dipping into the holes in the ice to those warmer softer moments shared together.

Aizen glanced over and saw Gin's contemplative expression he watched with growing concern, "You look sad." _W__hat'd I do wrong?_

Gin was yanked out of his soothing thoughts by his lovers voice. "Huh?" He blinked. "Not sad. Jus rememberin'." Gin looked at him and saw that familiar subtle edge of anxiety on his lovers face. "'Preciatin some stuff more now I know we was on the same page." He added softly.  
"Like Cherry," he added even more softly. "'n the stew."

Aizen nodded imperiously like it was the obvious answer and pulled Gin closer. Echoing the sentiment with actions until he could trust his voice.

Gin just let himself be held, returning the embrace. He knew Sousuke was digesting some things right now and needed some time to gather himself. So he let the silence sit for a while. Sousuke would break it when he was ready.

"Cherry stealing Kaname's visor," Aizen added with a laugh at the memory. A little help from Kyoka had resulted in a rather confused eleventh squad, a bloody ninth squad and an enraged captain commander. Gin and himself off course had gotten of the whole thing squeaky clean and quite amused. It'd been the first time he'd laughed in months and the memory stuck, he'd been absurdly grateful to both of them even if he hadn't openly shown it.

Gin chuckled lightly at the memory. "Oh yeah, that was a fun day." He said. He didn't mention how morose Aizen had seemed before he sent Cherry to take the visor. Or how much he'd enjoyed Aizen's laughter and levity at the whole thing. Particularly at the enraged commander. Gin had never seen the old guy so mad...

Aizen cut a glance at Gin well he had promised himself he'd make things up to him, "Did I ever thank you?"

Gin turned to him and smiled. "Don' remember. Was just nice to see you laugh."

And Gin was just going to let him off the hook? The more suspicious part of him wondered if Gin liked making him feel like the biggest jackass in the world. The part that had decided to steadfastly ignore such thoughts knew that Gin was being honest and that almost made it worse, not that he didn't deserve it but damn.

"Well, thanks," _for existing,_ he added silently. "I should get Cherry a collar too."

Gin smiled. "Anytime, ya know if ya need it I can always start pranking the espada..." he said teasingly. Aizen chuckled and he smiled again.

"Huh, y'know I never really thought about getting Che-Che a collar... I think she'd like that. Plus we get to see 'er smugly prancin about 'n that's always fun." He added. Knowing how Cherry always managed to make them laugh. "Ya gotta get Tsuku one too tho else he'll feel left out..."

"I'd like to think he's above such things, but maybe you're right," Aizen joked still smiling though he hoped Gin got the double meaning.

Gin snickered. Understanding what he meant. "Aint I always?" He answered teasingly. "Sides, he's gotta match 'is mate, ne?"

"Annoyingly often," Aizen replied with a playful glare.

"Not match though, complement," he continued softly. "I'm thinking light blue for Cherry and dark purple for Tsuku?"

Gin chuckled and gave an equally playful smug grin.

"That'll be real nice, good colour choices." He said softly. "They'll look related lovely... ya know we gotta take photos right?" He added with a smile.

"Of course, Ran will want to see it right?" he asked encouraging, knowing how much Gin missed his friend.

"Heh yeah she'd love t'see it." Gin smiled. He did miss Ran... a lot. "I just know she'd smile so much an' coo over how cute they look."

"Vapid," Aizen shook his head, laughing "I will never understand why you associate with the people you do."

"Says you who turned I to a pile a mush when Tsuku came to us..." Gin laughed. "An' hey the people I associate with includes you too ya know" He nudged him playfully.

"Did not," he replied nudging Gin back, "And that one never made sense either, I've simply concluded that you're an idiot, lucky for me."

"Did so," Gin returned, gently pushing him in play. "I saw. You gave 'im a bath and scratched his ears an everythin'" Gin said smugly. "An' it takes an idiot to know an idiot." He added, wrapping his arms around Aizen giving him a gentle affectionate squeeze. "So we're both as bad as each other."

He nodded and returned the embracing smiling broadly and feeling on top of the damn world.

Gin caught his smile and nuzzled himself closer to his lover. Perfectly content for the first time since they'd come here. His sun was simply radiating with happiness and it filled him up with joy. And a part of him wished this night could last forever.

Aizen was ecstatic, drunk on the affection, Gin's closeness. Even Jac's gibbering couldn't cut through his sense of peace and he wished that it could last forever, no war, no voice, no darkness. He suppressed a sigh not wanting to kill the mood. He looked at Gin who looked downright blissful, shrugged mentally, and surrendered to the moment. One moment with his equal and no thought to the future. The future was then, this was now and right now he was happy.


	22. Country Move

A/N: I own nothing. TheDrunkenWerewolf owns Cherry and Heirverse. Much thanks to her for letting me play in it. Mosaic Ch.3 by Spunky0ne and TheDrunkenWerewolf adapted for Heirverse.

Warnings: Strong language, Mild homophobia on one character's part.

Summary: Grimmjow's view on his new masters.

Place in timeline: From the first 'war council' to early 'Helios'.

Written by: TheDrunkenWerewolf, Spunky0ne and Timewaster123456789.

* * *

**Country Move**

Grimmjow entered the meeting room to for the first 'official' meeting of the Espada. Aizen sat at the head of the meeting table in an ornate throne of bone, carved to look like it was covered in screaming demons. The blind shinigami was on one side of him and the fox-faced one —Gin— was kicked back in his chair playing solitaire on the other.

"Arrogant dick," Grimmjow muttered under his breath.

He had to grudgingly admit that the brown-haired shinigami taicho was impressive, especially now that he seemed to have shed the quiet scientist exterior he had worn while making his mark on the hollow world. Now, he had a leaner and more sinister look to his handsome features. The glasses were gone, and his eyes no longer looked tranquil, but instead, seemed to bore through the sexta Espada and the others who joined him at the table. The effect was both exhilarating and chilling, and it warned Grimmjow to watch his back as he—figuratively, of course— got into bed with Aizen.

Of course, I'm not as brave—or is it stupid?—as that silver-haired fox who is always with him.

Grimmjow shook his head, trying to figure out exactly where he placed Gin in the grand scheme of things.

Aizen ignored the obvious disrespect so he definitely had standing.

Time dragged on as they waited for everyone to arrive, Gin rose, smirking and obviously bored he approached their Lord.

"Aizen-sama I was thinking maybe we should have a tournament to rank the Arrancar," Gin said laying a hand on Aizen's shoulder. Their Lord glared death at him and he removed it, mischief dancing in his eyes.

Grimmjow frowned at the familiarity of Gin's gestures, his wide smile and the casual way he spoke to Aizen. The slightly teasing way he said the title and the fact that their lord didn't flay him for it grated on Grimmjow.

"Then I'd just have to make more."

"So? I like watching you work."

Aizen's eyes hardened but Gin just laughed again. Grimmjow tensed expecting to see Gin made an example of, no Arrancar would be allowed to act like that. His lord said nothing though.

Grimmjow sneered, disappointed, apparently hollows would always be second class as far as Shinigami were concerned, even when they were on the same side.

It makes me wonder what he's got that we don't, Grimmjow mused.

His reiatsu darkened and his lips curled in disgust as Gin touched Aizen's arm in what looked too much like a lover's gesture.

Is it that way, then?

Aizen really should be watching his back.

It confused him that a man who seemed so on top of everything—that was an understatement, honestly Aizen scared the hell out of him—would be dumb enough to trust the little weasel. The silver-haired Shinigami was so clearly ready to turn on him he might's well have held up a sign, yet Aizen seemed accepting of the smaller one.

"Oh my," Gin snickered.

"What?" Aizen asked, turning a brown eye on his comrade and consort, "Is something wrong, Gin?"

"Oh, no," Gin chuckled, "Grimmjow just looks like he wants to kill something right now."

"Grimmjow always wants to kill something right now," Aizen said smoothly, "That's what makes him useful."

"I guess he's less worrisome than Nnoitra."

"Nnoitra knows his place with me. He won't be a problem either."

"Glad to hear it."

Gin looked around at the gathered Arrancars, then leaned closer to their new leader.

"So, what now?" he asked, "We got here just fine, but how are you going to spin this group of backstabbers into a cohesive fighting unit?"

"Oh," Aizen said dulcetly, "you let me worry about that."

* * *

Well don' take too long, Gin wanted to say but just nodded and gave Aizen a suggestive look. He hated that Aizen had to act so cold to impress the Arrancars but he knew his own role and he couldn't appear hurt. How did Aizen do this all the time?

He dragged his fingertips up his lover's arm. Across the room Grimmjow sneered, disgusted at the gesture. Gin watched Aizen's lips curve up into the subtlest of smirks, and decided to enjoy the show as it played out.

"You might be wondering why I've gathered you all here today," Aizen began, at which there was a lot of quiet murmuring. Aizen raised his hand for quiet and the smart ones went silent.

"I have assembled the strongest among you to act as my swords, my blades," he paused for effect. "My Espada," he added, the word rolled off his tongue naturally, as if he'd been speaking that language for years. And Gin thought he'd never sounded more like a king than in that moment. Neither had Gin been more impressed by how much power and authority his lover could command. Or aroused, even.

"I offer you safety and a chance to hone your skills in combat, in exchange for serving me in my purpose.

Across the room, Grimmjow snorted, scowling. "Che, an' what makes ya think we wanna serve the likes of assholes like you?"

In the back, Kaname moved a hand to draw his zanpakuto but Aizen stopped him.

"Kaname, that won't be necessary." Aizen said, and Kaname stayed his hand. "Grimmjow," he addressed the dissenting prospective Espada, "You have a question?"

"What makes you think we wanna serve you?" Grimmjow asked again. His stature bold and tone defiant.

Aizen smiled sweetly at his creation. "Why, two reasons, Grimmjow," he said, trying to reign in his reiatsu to keep from crushing his soldier. "The first, is the fact that I created you, and the second reason is that I can just as easily un-create you."

He watched, pleased, as Grimmjow Jaegerjaques stood, unmoving, still defiant. Good. This one had some fire in him. This would be useful.

"However, as a God, I understand the importance of my creations having free will. So if you decline my invitation to serve under me, you will be free to go. Though I have to wonder why someone who went to such great lengths to preserve his life in the wastelands of Huecco Mundo would be so interested in returning there and throwing his life away with both hands..."

Grimmjow scowled deeply. "Well if that's the case, I'm outta here. See ya, losers."

He smiled again. "Do you not want to avenge your little sister, Maria?"

"How do you know about her?!" Grimmjow snarled, wheeling round to glare at him. There was nothing but wrath in his eyes.

Aizen smirked. "I know a great many things, my dear Grimmjow."

"Nobody uses my sister against me," Grimmjow snapped. "Nobody."

Grimmjow proceeded to stalk out of the meeting room and Aizen called after him.

"Are you quite sure, you won't stay?" he asked. A final warning.

His response was blunt. "Fuck you!" Gin struggled not to laugh, this would end badly.

Aizen sighed, disappointed. "Very well. If that is your wish, then you are free to go."

Grimmjow made his way towards the door. Gin caught Aizen's subtle glance and took the cue immediately, he drew Shinsou and shot to kill, piercing Grimmjow right through. A literal stab in the back.

* * *

There was a delay of just a few seconds before Grimmjow fully digested what had happened.

"You bastard!" he growled, "You bastard you said we were free to go!"

"I did," Aizen smiled and lifted his teacup to his lips to take a sip of his tea. He set it down in its saucer again before continuing, "I never said anything about Gin being in agreement with me, though."

Grimmjow roared at the smirking fox to Aizen's right. "Fuck you!"

"Tsk tsk, temper, Grimmy, temper," Gin scolded, "Is that any way ta speak to Aizen-sama?"

Grimmjow growled and cursed under his breath. Shit! I underestimated him! Underestimated them both!

He felt the cold steel of Shinsou yanked out of his body and fell to his knees despite his best efforts to remain upright. But the reiatsu was overpowering, and left him struggling to just breathe, nevermind anything else.

* * *

"Well done," Aizen nodded at Gin and for a moment his eyes were so full of appreciation and pride that it eased a little of Gin's pain, despite the fact that in every other way he might as well have been accepting a cup of tea. Actually there'd been occasions, gone now for the foreseeable future, when he'd been more effusive over simple tea. Aizen's eyes hardened and Gin tried to remember that the act was for the Arrancars benefit only and not a judgement on him.

"Is there anyone else who wishes to raise any... concerns?" Aizen asked, only to be met with a silent room of Arrancar.

"Good. You are dismissed."

Later that evening, Gin was in Aizen-sama's private quarters, laying on the bed waiting for him with Cherry on his lap, quite enjoying the fuss.

Aizen must have crept in quietly, because Gin didn't even notice his lover was there until his voice sounded.

"You two look very at home."

Gin grinned up at his partner in crime. "Can' 'elp it if the beds so comfy. Ne, Che-Che?" he felt relief flood him as the mask of stone slid off and, easy as a chameleon changing colors Aizen was his soul mate again. It was a bit creepy too but mostly a relief.

Cherry yipped in agreement and Gin laughed as he stroked her head. Sousuke just smiled, shook his head and joined them on the bed. He snaked his arms around Gin's body and pulled him close.

"You did beautifully earlier," he murmured approvingly, "You were poetry in motion tonight. Mmm I know one isn't supposed to touch the masterpieces in a museum but..." he said, purring and kissing Gin's neck, "I don't think I can help myself."

Gin smiled, though Sousuke couldn't see it as the man was behind him. "Psh, please. Flattery won't get ya anywhere."

Sousuke laughed softly. "And I have told you – many times I might add - I am merely stating facts... you're a piece of fucking art."

"Haven't I warned you I'd take advantage of your sappiness," Gin asked trying to hide how thrilled he was that they were alone and Sousuke could, would be himself.

Sousuke laughed, "I seem to recall deciding that I wouldn't mind."

* * *

Weeks later

* * *

Grimmjow stalked down the hall, he'd long since gotten used to timeless Heucco Mundo. Even with all the clocks now—why did they need one, let alone so many?— he paid little attention to the time, but he was hungry so that meant it was dinner. Even now he still found himself uncertain about their new leaders.

Shinigami or not, Aizen was a leader Grimmjow could follow. It wasn't like he had much of a choice, Aizen was powerful, even old 'king' Barragan was too scared to move against him. But for someone who, naturally speaking, should've hated hollows he had less humanity in him than any hollow Grimmjow'd ever met. He'd observed his new Lord for a while now and there wasn't a single chink in the armor, not one angle of attack. The most human he got was when he interacted with Gin and even then he took a possessive stance most of the time as though Gin were just another symbol of his power. If it weren't for the still throbbing scar on his chest, he might have suspected the second was little more than a brainless concubine.

It did bother him a bit to serve under someone like that but he shrugged it off, rationalizing that maybe his Lord got more of a challenge out of dominating men. He had to rationalize it, as the scar again reminded him, he couldn't do a damn thing to change it.

Gin on the other hand irked him to no end. There was no reason for him to care of course, if their lord was betrayed then so be it. What difference did it make to him? But...if he had to serve someone he wanted it to be the best and Aizen was the strongest leader he'd found.

Overconfidence was the death of many a warrior and he saw vulnerability in how secure Aizen was in Gin's loyalty. Keep turning your back on him and you'll find a blade in it, he thought disgusted. It would be a pity for such a worthy opponent to die so stupidly. He'd thought the same thing when Aizen had praised Gin for stabbing him. You don't think you'll be next, you arrogant bastard? He'd wondered incredulous, if he'll do that to one person he'll do it to anyone.

He just couldn't understand why Aizen chose that slippery little bitch over someone like him. At least he'd be steadfast, honorable. Aizen must see how vulnerable he was making himself and it made him protective in spite of himself, disgusted, and just a little bit jealous, why did Gin get favored?

Grimmjow would never attack from behind, why was he placed beneath a coward like that? He could understand the other Arrancar being passed over, Stark and Ulquioraa had no ambition, Barragan couldn't be trusted and Nel was too nice by half. But to choose that scrawny sneak over a real warrior like Grimmjow, he didn't get it.

He showed defiance when he could afford to but the truth was he was terrified, more of the silver one than of Aizen. Raw power he understood, someone who would stab you in the back though, could kill you in your sleep. Gin had no honor.

That was it! That was how he'd prove himself. He'd remove the threat and show his power at the same time.

The next day he swaggered through Las Noches hunting the palace consort and found him in a large round chamber playing with that dumb fox. Perfect, the arch he was currently standing in was the only entrance, Gin was cornered and exposed. There would be no tricks today. He smirked when Gin looked up at him from where he knelt playing tug of war. Aizen letting that thing run loose and chew up everything was yet another problem with Gin.

"Not so brave without Aizen-sama to hide behind are ya'?" he taunted as he strode into the room, projecting confidence.

Gin rose unconcerned, "Don't need 'im fer ya'."

"When's the last time ya' faced an opponent?" he sneered disgusted. "Yer really brave when it ain't a fair fight."

Gin smiled and drew his sword, Grimmjow was quicker by a hair and the tip of his blade nicked Gin's shoulder as their blades clashed. He smiled, smelling blood, Gin leaped back, but he quickly closed again taking away the advantage of Gin's superior range.

"Still mad?" Gin asked sarcastically as they clashed again.

"Ya think? Aizen deserves better than scum like ya'," he snarled. Gin dropped to the floor and Grimmjow staggered forward with the sudden loss of resistance as his opponent rolled aside. He turned to face him again but Gin had bought enough time to bring his sword's length to bear. The extended blade took Grimmjow through the shoulder and he moaned with pain as it drove him back.

"Seems like ya' miscalculated," Gin said with a devilish smile.

With a roar, Grimmjow tore himself sideways off the blade, blood sprayed as the sword ripped through the flesh of his shoulder. Gin's eyes widened and he quickly slashed sideways, but Grimmjow blocked the awkward strike and closed.

As they fought on Grimmjow quickly found himself tiring, his movements were sluggish and he barely got his sword up in time to meet Gin's next swing. Gin leaned into it and he fell to his knees as his muscles suddenly turned to water.

"Ya' don't seem ta' be feelin' well Grimmy," Gin said cheerily, placing his sword tip into the floor and leaning on it.

"Fuck…you!" Grimmjow panted. Overconfidence, hopefully that would be Gin's death as well. He sprang at Gin, the Shinigami didn't even move and his leap barely got him off the ground before he impacted the floor hard.

"What…what the fuck?" he snarled, terror rising as his body betrayed him. He would die because he couldn't fucking fight. Fuck. He didn't want to die like this.

"Poison."

"You treacherous worm!"

"Hmm…worms crawl on the ground. Seems yer the worm," Gin pointed out.

Grimmjow gasped for breath, his lungs felt like they were in a vice.

"Give ya' the antidote if ya' ask nicely an' promise not ta' try ta' kill me again," Gin said like he was speaking to a toddler.

"Rather…die," Grimmjow panted. Gin shook his head then reached into his robes and tossed a small bottle at him.

* * *

Gin walked away, it would take an hour or two for the Arrancar to be functional again. He smiled, it felt good, damn good to shut up one of the gossipmongers for a bit. As he wandered along, fantasizing about doing the same to the ones...from before, when he felt Aizen approach.

"You were watching."

"Of course," Aizen replied though it hadn't been a question.

"Could'a helped."

"I was just making sure that you didn't break my 'blade'."

Gin smiled at the praise, though he knew without a doubt that if he'd actually been in trouble Sousuke would have stepped in, much like he and Ran used to in their old game of truth or dare. Strange how much the game mirrored a relationship, well their relationship anyway.

"Don't give me that look," Aizen hissed. Gin wiped the affection from his expression. Aizen had given some complicated rationalization about too much familiarity in front of the Arrancars undermining his authority, or something.

Gin had reason to believe that it had more to do with making sure the Arrancars didn't see him as a way to get to Aizen. Sousuke was paranoid as hell—hidden under all the smoke and mirrors of course— about someone else using the voice's tactics. Gin didn't really get it, either of them could kill most of Arrancars easy as breathing, he'd just proved that. He went along with it anyway though and didn't mock his lover too much for being transparent as fuck.

"That one'll be a problem."

Aizen shook his head. "I doubt it. You beat him face to face. That carries weight with that type, " his expression showed just how idiotic he found that.

"Can' be too careful."

Aizen smiled appreciatively, "Of course not."


	23. Silence

Summary: Gin's most important conversations with Aizen rarely actually involved words.

a/n: I own nothing. TheDrunkenWerewolf owns Jac and the heirverse.

Written to 'Devil Within' by Digital Daggers, 'Battlefield' by SVRCINA (nightcore), 'I See You' by Missio.

Place in timeline: early Heir.

* * *

**Silence**

**(Written by Timewaster123456789)**

The smell of blood and decay filled his nose as he stood over his already decomposing kills. He laughed softly at his triumph, it was the only reaction he'd allow himself.

You've come far, the voice whispered. Vengeance will be ours. It was the closest thing to praise he'd heard in a long time. He sought out a section of floor relatively free of blood and gore, laid down a blanket and got ready to settle into his temporary confinement.

He heard groans around him and looked up to see the bodies rise from the floor. That was strange but he gave a bored sigh and smiled, anticipating the high of doing it all again even knowing what the come down would be like. The first few bodies fell only to rise again and he soon found himself surrounded, his blade began to have even less effect, going straight through them. He screamed his rage and they taunted him.

"Can't 'urt us."

"We're ghosts."

"What?" that made no sense the whole point of zanpakuto was that they worked on ghosts.

"You've already killed us," the bodies hissed over the moaning and shrieking of their compatriots.

"Then I'll kill you again," he snarled, raising his sword as fear creeped through his veins. They laughed and faded, the cackles and shrieks echoed in his ears

Then it was just him surrounded by dead bodies again. He got a split second to relax before the chamber turned pitch black, he tried to pace in the darkness but found a shield. It formed a box, two paces in every direction and a ceiling he could brush without extending his arm. Fine.

He tried every kido trick in the book and then Kyouka. Nothing worked he was well and truly trapped in the box, locked in the midst of his carnage with just the gibbering of ghostly voices in the silence. The light returned and it was a mass funeral, mourners wailed over the bodies and Aizen relaxed slightly despite still being in C46.

A smile of disgust twisted his lips at the idiots grieving such worthless...Gin's broken body flashed for a millisecond in the place of his victims, his moon's body baring the wounds of his victims. The image changed, Carlos and Maria replaced his fox and he heard Jac scream in rage as it quickly switched back to Gin. He stared transfix as the mutilated Gin bodies rose as one and intoned.

"You did this, you don't get to feel bad, you did this."

Aizen bolted upright panting and bit off a scream. Irrational fear beyond anything he'd felt since the Fisher fiasco suffused him, and he actually had to restrain himself from moving closer to Gin. Once he had himself under control, he reached over to double check that Gin was real and ok.

Aizen covered Gin's hand with his own and squeezed, trying not to do so too hard, reassuring himself again that Gin was real. Not that it mattered much Kyouka could make an illusion that you could touch, he didn't know for certain that Jac couldn't do the same.

For a moment he almost woke Gin to tell him about the dream, but the memory of burnt flowers rose in his mind, so vivid he could almost smell them and he decided against it. Gin put up with enough from him and it wasn't Gin's job to protect him. Besides he didn't want Gin to see him falter again, he was supposed to be proving his worth not the other way around

Having convinced himself Gin was alright, he rose and slid quickly from the room, he wasn't getting back to sleep anyway. As he walked through the halls he was again struck by how lucky he was and suppressed a shudder at the thought of having woken up from that alone. He would have managed, he always did but…he was grateful. Gin's presence made this stage of his plans an adventure rather than a short stay in hell.

He went to a corner of the ramparts and reveled in the quiet. He needed time to think. The dream—he suppressed another shudder—had clearly disturbed Jac. He was determined to find a way to use the memory of Carlos and Maria to his advantage. If nothing else it distracted him from the memories of blood, bodies and Gin's bloodied body superimposed on all of it. A bit anyway.

* * *

Gin woke groggily and reached over to…He came wide awake when he found his sun missing. He leaped from the bed, dressed and went looking for Aizen. He'd masked his reiatsu and even Gin, attuned as he was to it, couldn't sense him. That worried him, though he no longer kept such strict tabs on him, as a matter of courtesy Sousuke rarely masked himself. In exchange, Gin rarely actively sought him out when he wanted space.

He exited the bedroom into the throne room and checked Aizen's private study. Sound proofing kido warded it and he mostly only used it if Gin and Cherry were making a ruckus in the throne room. Gin was welcome to enter but he usually didn't, he suspected that Aizen hid there when the voice got bad. He found it empty though and moved his search to the library, only to find that empty as well. The only other person who used it being Ulquioraa, Syazel preferred computers and disdained 'dead trees' as he called them. None of the other arrancar were particularly intelligent, much less well read.

Eventually he found Aizen, standing motionless on the ramparts in the southeast corner of Las Noches. He was staring at the moon, untouched by the cold of the desert night.

Gin opened his mouth to ask what was wrong then closed it. He didn't want to be lied to and though Aizen tried…besides it wasn't fair of him to dig at raw nerves and barely healed wounds on the pretext of 'honesty'. The callousness, as much shield as sword, he could bear when necessary.

Aizen didn't acknowledge him but his jaw tightened with annoyance as though he knew Gin's thoughts and found them offensive. Gin wouldn't put it past him, though it could easily be his mere presence at the wrong time or even something completely unconnected to him. He sighed Sousuke could be…complicated.

Gin wondered if it was the voice getting up to its old tricks and looked up to ask but one glance at Sousuke's expression, hard as stone made him hold his tongue.

He observed the older man's profile a moment cold, indifferent and knew something was wrong. All the easy confidence he'd always admired was gone in exchange for an imperial arrogance he displayed for the arrancar. That wasn't like him it never looked like effort. What made the act so damn effective, he grimaced at that thought, was that it never looked like a front it always seemed as natural as breathing.

Gin felt his anger rise, they had agreed no more games. Even though that wasn't quite how the agreement went and Aizen hadn't actually lied. Why are you doing this? It's just me, he wondered. Gin stepped forward to embrace his sun, whatever was eating him, Gin would try to help like he always had.

Aizen forestalled him with a raised palm, not even looking in his direction. He dropped his arms settled down on the cold stone walk, stung.

Aizen kept his eyes carefully on the moon, but Gin knew him well enough to catch embarrassment in the guarded look and tightened jaw. He knew that Gin knew something was wrong and was mad at himself for letting it show.

Gin instantly felt ashamed of his anger, with all their posturing for the Arrancar it was so easy to forget the horrors and insecurities that remained under his sun's arrogant veneer. He'd often wondered exactly why Aizen put such stock in his image but the closest he'd ever gotten to a straight answer was 'to avoid giving Jac leverage' which he knew wasn't the whole of it.

He and Aizen were different in a lot of ways. Gin raucous and mischievous, Aizen controlled and calculating. Most of the time at least, he grinned remembering some of their 'remember the Rukon' escapades. Gin got bored if he knew what the outcome would be, Aizen lived to control—perhaps manipulate was a better word —everything. He was emotional even if tried to hide it, Aizen—sober at least—was completely untouchable, with a couple of rare exceptions that Gin clung to the memory of like the gifts they were. One thing they had in common though was their fear of being alone. Aizen turned his head to look at him, their eyes met and if Sousuke's would have looked dead and soulless to anyone else, he could see gratitude in them.

Sousuke shrugged out of his long white coat and laid it over Gin, even though he was sure he'd given no sign of how cold he was. He smiled sheepishly and pulled it tight around him.

He saw something soft and skittish flicker in Sousuke's eyes before his lover turned back to the view.

Gin sighed and snuggled deeper in the fabric.

He woke with a start, Aizen was shaking his shoulder gently an apologetic look. Gin blinked away the sleep, waking slowly as always. He looked up feeling sheepish, took Aizen's offered hand and rose stiffly.

They walked back to their quarters, hand in hand and Gin quickly noticed that while Aizen wasn't technically avoiding his gaze, he wouldn't meet it either. Guilt or shame either way it got his radar pinging, he would definitely be keeping an eye peeled until he figured out what the hell was going on.

Aizen looked like he wanted to speak but just nodded. A guilty look crossed his face and Gin pressed closer, trying to snuggle while walking.

They followed the ramparts for a while. Gin could never understand why Aizen liked it up there, the darkness and dead air creeped him out. He took comfort in his lover's presence though and followed along quite contentedly. He caught Aizen's gaze wandering towards the desert, a manic, hunted look in his eyes.

Gin had seen look many times, had long associated it with the masterful moves that followed, Shinji and company, the slaughter of C46…more painful things. He'd long associated it with boredom and only a few months before holed up with dead bodies had he realized the truth. He'd missed so many things over the years.

Not boredom but panic, an animal desperate to escape and acting on it. If he was right in his assessment the sheer brilliance of the moves Aizen made while in that state were nothing short of impressive. Gin's decisions under such pressure were less than inspired to say the least. If his assessment was right Aizen's love of the ramparts took on a far darker undertone. Aizen looked at him and he realized that his grip on the man's hand had turned vice-like.

Aizen raised a questioning eyebrow at him and Gin noticed the subtle tremoring in the hand he held.

"I was just thinking I'm glad we're still here, together," Gin said, true enough and also a slight probe into his misgivings. Aizen gave him an odd look and pulled him closer as they continued on.

"Has anyone ever told you what a wonderful voice you have," Aizen said after a moment.

"Yeah, multiple times, shamelessly even," Gin joked.

Aizen smirked.


	24. Enemy You Know

**A/N:** I own nothing. TheDrunkenWerewolf owns the verse, Kubo everything else.

**Warnings: **Attempted rape, suicide references.

**Timeline:** Opening takes place shortly after the meeting in Country Move, the rest takes place after Helios.

**Written by:** Timewaster12346789 inspired by Under the Crescent Moon by TheDrunkenWerewolf and Spunky0ne (Chapter 3 of What Happened Next by thefoxpack)

**Summary: **An altercation with Nnoitra highlights for Gin the opposing depravity and beauty that exist both in the hollow world and his lover.

* * *

**Enemy You Know**

"You okay?" Sousuke asked, rolling over in bed and grasping his arm. Gin was grateful for this time when they were alone. He hadn't realized exactly how much his lover warmed for him until he'd seen him playing king for the Arrancars. Without the need for the 'respectable member of Soul Society' act to soften him— and Gin had found that bad enough— the man was fucking ice.

As confident as Gin had pretended to be at the meeting, Nnoitra really did freak him out and he couldn't even really discern why.

"Yeah..Nnoitra just…"

"I said he wouldn't be a problem," Sousuke replied easily but Gin thought he saw a bit of tension there.

"I know and it ain't like I don't trust ya," Sousuke winced and Gin thought perhaps the reassurance made it worse, "He just…still scares me," he finished sheepishly.

Sousuke embraced him, "You want me to kill him?"

"No," Gin replied, chuckling at how easily he offered. "I'm sure I can handle a creep or two," he said with a wink.

"Ah you wound me." Sousuke said putting a hand to his heart and Gin laughed, his fears forgotten.

* * *

Weeks later

* * *

Gin felt a chill creep down his spine as he moved along the corridor; though a fair amount of bluff on his part had been necessary at first, he was now quite confident, putting Grimmjow in his place had helped with that. He truly felt like he was Aizen's right hand in Las Noches now, even if he still missed Ran and Seireitei. This sensation was new and he stretched out his senses while not changing his stride, despite the sudden instinctive need to run.

Looking over his shoulder he saw three Fraccion move into the corridor behind him. He fought the urge to pick up the pace, they were just Fraccion after all, admittedly Szayel's but still this was not a time to show fear. He forced himself to look straight ahead, turned a corner and sensed Nnoitra's reiatsu nearby. Well this feels uncomfortable, Gin thought and forced himself to move normally. Back down and they've already won.

Nnoitra stepped out of a side room and glared malevolently at him. Gin drew his sword and Nnoitra smiled.

"Scared?" Nnoitra asked, in a voice that sent another shiver down Gin's spine. He was instantly transported back to that night, seeing the look in Not-Sousuke's eyes. Damnit he'd thought he'd finally gotten over that.

He willed his sword not to shake and smiled a devil's smile. "Ah could kill ya' for insubordination ya' know."

"But you won't," Nnoitra said, swaggering closer.

"Give me one reason?"

"You don't want Aizen-sama to know you fear me," Gin laughed at the misinterpretation, he didn't want Nnoitra to have confirmation.

"Hardly," he extended Shinsou and Nnoitra ...didn't move. What Gin had intended as a warning shot took Nnoitra through his coat as the espada closed on him and grabbed his sword hand to prevent him from withdrawing it. Nnoitra slammed him in the ribs with a set of spiked knuckles. Pain spread from the impact as Gin leaped back to get enough separation to retract Shinsou, winded but far from out of the fight. He staggered and saw a smirk spread across Nnoitra's face.

"Grimmy told me what you do Little Snake," Nnoitra said as he approached, waving an empty vial of antidote. Gin tried to move but fell to his knee as his vision blurred and nausea twisted his stomach. Nnoitra stomped on his already numbed hand then reached down and twisted it until his wrist cracked. A lance of pain shot up his arm even as he extended Shinsou. Nnoitra deftly blocked with his own sword and kicked him in the face. Nausea from pain and the poison combined and he puked.

"Now that's unattractive," Nnoitra complained as he kicked Shinsou away— Gin didn't even remember letting go of it—and pinned Gin to the wall by his throat.

"I'm going to enjoy this," he hissed silkily.

Kyouka flashed through the air and cut off the hand that Nnoitra wore the poison spikes on, then, to a semi-delirious Gin's shock, Aizen set into the Espada with his bare hands.

"How dare you touch him? Cowardly, useless, piece of shit!" Aizen roared. Gin saw his eyes flash yellow as he beat the stunned as Espada.

"Burn in hell!" He'd never seen Aizen so angry before. Aizen systematically cut all six of Nnoitra's arms from him and castrated him on the spot.

"You worthless, selfish monster!"

Nnoitra's screams hurt Gin's ears as Aizen turned to help him from the floor. Gin shivered at the wild look in his eyes. Aizen closed them and when he opened them again they were all too human.

"I won't let you be hurt again," he whispered and there was so much pain hiding in his voice that it almost brought Gin to tears.

"I know." he replied. Aizen helped Gin down the hallway.

"Where're we goin'?" Gin asked.

"The lab. You need an antidote." Sousuke replied all business.

Gin stopped and shook his head though it made the nausea worse, "He was in on it. Don' wan' him to know."

Aizen's expression would have made Death himself look friendly.

"Leave it. I'm already feelin' better. Nnoitra wanted me…alive," bile that had little to do with the poison rose in his throat.

Sousuke looked less than happy but obliged him and helped him to his apartment.

* * *

Gin awoke sometime later feeling much better and saw Sousuke sitting on the bed beside him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Good as new," Gin lied, resisting the urge to moan as he sat up. Everything ached, his wrist was stiff though Sousuke had healed it and the motion made him queasy so he guessed the poison wasn't completely out of his system.

"You shouldn't say you're fine when you're not," Sousuke said. Gin gaped at him what the? The sheer hypocrisy was mind blowing, and he was still trying to form a response when Sousuke glanced at him, his lips lifting in a ghost of a smirk.

"'Ey not fair. Ah can't be expected to play well when Ahm all sick," Gin said and tried to look as pathetic as possible.

Sousuke snorted but asked, "Need anything?"

"Nah unless ya' got something for nausea," Gin said though he knew they didn't.

Sousuke watched him with open concern and something that Gin's practiced eye thought looked a lot like fear.

"Something up?"

Sousuke hesitated, "Szayel saw the…error of his ways, he will not be a problem again."

Gin chuckled but was determined to get an answer even if he had to be -gasp- patient.

Sousuke relaxed slightly, "I'll kill Nnoitra if you want, but I thought it should be your honor to do so if you wish."

Gin offered up a twisted smile, "Thanks." If he couldn't get his own revenge, he was scared he'd go back to what he was, the naïve little scrap of a Shinigami relying on Sousuke to fight his battles. He didn't want that one bit.

Sousuke shook his head with an appreciative smile, "You're something special. You know that right?"

Gin forgot himself and beamed at the praise. Sousuke laughed.

"That's good to hear," Gin said.

"A little humanity?" Sousuke joked smiling.

"Yeah ain't enough 'round here."

"If you're finding it in me there must surely be a dearth," Sousuke said. Gin caught a darkness in his eyes at odds with the light words and smile.

"We both know tha's bullshit," Gin said Sotto Voce.

Sousuke's eyes widened slightly as though that actually surprised him. "I'm glad you're okay," he said softly.

"Yeah thanks for saving my sorry ass," Gin said sheepishly. Sousuke was being strange, but if he was in a heartfelt mood Gin was more than happy to roll with it.

"My pleasure," Sousuke replied and again it came off as a joke but there was pain under it.

"You still haven't told me what's wrong," Gin prodded.

Sousuke sighed, "I'm just worried about you."

"Really, Ah'll be fine in a day or two. Just how fragile do you think Ah am?"

Sousuke smirked.

Just then an alarm went off.

"Oh shit don't tell me…"

"Sorry I've got to take care of this," Sousuke said his face a picture of disappointment.

He gave Gin a kiss and was gone.

* * *

'Saved by the bell,' Kyouka said sounding tired.

'Amen,' Aizen replied as he walked through the halls to fix whatever his minions had fucked up. What Gin had expected he couldn't do, not today with blood on his hand and memories echoing in his head. When he'd slaughtered C46, caught up in the bloodlust he'd been fine with doing whatever it took to achieve his goals even if it meant becoming a monster. He'd never wanted to be a monster in Gin's eyes though and his moon had seen enough of the monster in him that day without him getting rough for fun.

'Just ask him, I'm sure he understands you did it for him," Kyouka chided.

'I don't want to hear the answer,' Aizen said honestly.

'Oh Sousuke…' Kyouka said sorrow coated the word.

'I'll ask just…not today.'

'Because you already know the answer pussy," the voice cut in.

'Yep, I'm a monster and that makes you Dr. Frankenstein,' he said lightly and was satisfied to feel the voice 'jump' in surprise.

* * *

Gin was still worried about how strange his lover had been acting so when Sousuke still wasn't back by midnight he sought out the familiar reiatsu. He was on the battlements what a shock, staring out into the desert with that trapped animal look again.

Gin stepped up onto the battlement wall and saw fear flash in Sousuke's eyes so quick he doubted anyone else would've noticed.

"What are you doing?" he asked condescending.

"An experiment," Gin replied. He dropped backwards off the wall and watched with a smile as Sousuke jumped after him, clearing the wall. Gin twisted around in midair flashing a smirk and wink at Sousuke. Sousuke glared at him and Gin grunted as he hit a soft kido net. Sousuke landed smoothly some forty feet below and dropped the net to let Gin fall to his feet a little ways away.

"Ya've got no faith in my abilities," Gin laughed, brushing the desert dust from his robes.

"I know that your reiatsu wouldn't let you walk away from that unscathed," Sousuke said.

"I didn't mean those abilities," Gin smirked. Sousuke turned, striding away and Gin's smile fell, this wasn't going as planned anymore.

"Aw don' be like that, c'mon I know you were thinking about it," Gin said rushing after him. Sousuke said nothing merely continued on his way cutting a forty-five degree angle from Las Noches into the desert.

Gin was quite happy with himself for having fulfilled Sousuke's need for reckless abandon and proved to himself that the desire to follow his lover anywhere wasn't a one-way street, but his confusion and curiosity grew steadily as he followed Sousuke through the desert his adrenaline slowly fading.

They must have covered at least five miles and Gin was wondering for the hundredth time why they didn't just flashstep when Sousuke stopped and sat on a stump of one of the weird crystal trees. Gin looked around half a dozen of the things had grown together twisted and intertwined in a beautiful way. It looked like a sculpture. A couple of the branches had fused into a flat surface reflecting the moonlight and Gin jumped onto it for a chair. He lost himself in the reflection and subtle blueish tint for a while before looking back at Sousuke.

"S' beautiful." He offered breathlessly. Sousuke looked up and gave him an obviously forced smile.

Minutes dragged on in silence and as usual Gin got bored.

"Why're we here?"

"I wanted to show you."

"Thanks," Gin said deeply pleased but still confused.

Sousuke looked away which immediately caught his attention, "I come here sometimes when…" he trailed off and gestured back at the wall.

Gin was stunned for multiple reasons, "Ah…god…Ah just did that cus' ya' seemed bored," 'bored' wouldn't sting his pride as much as 'panicked' or 'trapped'.

"Ah thought we could escape the monotony t'gether stead o' ya' holing up with experiments or whateva' else ya' might do." Gin explained. Sousuke actually winced at that and Gin realized how he must have taken.

"Ah didn't…"

Sousuke waved him off, "It's fine, I deserve it."

Gin looked around at his surroundings again taking in the meaning. Beauty a reminder that this world wasn't all darkness, stress and facades rigidly maintained. A reminder that something better existed, something worth fighting for, a reason to live. It meant that and more and for Sousuke to bring him here, to drop his guard even a little for the sake of making Gin more comfortable...

Sousuke rose, "Sorry this was stupid."

"Not at all," Gin said around the lump in his throat. "Thank you," he blinked back tears as he embraced Sousuke. His lover returned the gesture and held him like he was never going to let.

"Fair trade," Sousuke replied shrugging against him.

"I ain't goin' an'where," Gin choked out.

"Damn straight," Sousuke whispered into his ear.

"Ya' betta not be either."

"Can't, remember?" Sousuke broke the hugged with rueful smirk, "You're stuck with me."

Gin wiped his eyes quickly and smiled back though he knew there was a world of pain in it, "Wouldn't have it any other way."

"Gin can you answer something honestly?"

"'Course yer the one who's inept at that," he quipped though in truth he was stunned. In a hundred years the closest Sousuke'd ever come to pausing the game had been after Grand Fisher and in C46 and neither of those had been by choice.

Sousuke barked a harsh laugh, "Do you see a monster when you look at me?"

It was only long years of practice that kept his jaw from hanging open like an idiot. For one thing he knew Sousuke well enough to see that it had taken everything he had to keep the question casual. For another what the sheer fuck? What kind of a question was that. Still he knew that this was a situation where he should just answer now and delve it later.

"I've thought that you were a god, a whore, an ass, an idiot, a damn block of ice but never a monster. What the hell kind of question is that?"

Sousuke looked away and swallowed visibly.

It clicked as Sousuke opened his mouth to speak, "Neva'mind I got it. I've never been scared of you, I told you that. The voice is the monster." The beauty of this place he'd been trying to prove his humanity? The irony was almost painful.

Gratitude flooded Sousuke's expression, "Central Forty-Six?"

Gin smirked, "I thought they thought you were a monster and 'cool Ah have a pet monster'."

He realized too late that was probably the wrong thing to say but Sousuke laughed, "Arrogance doesn't become you."

Gin frowned, "But I learned from the best."

"You're going to be insufferable now aren't you."

"Karma?"

As they returned to Las Noches he felt Sousuke's reiatsu flare subtly with every step and realized that he must done more damage in the jump than he'd let on. Despite Gin's lack of skill in kido Sousuke had made certain for reasons that'd become painfully apparent that he learn as much healing as he could. Which admittedly wasn't much, but he had some ability. Shinsou snickered at that. He ignored the sword, touched Sousuke's leg without breaking stride and corrected the damage—a sprained ankle it seemed—his stunt had caused, taking pleasure in the immediate stabilization of the reiatsu.


	25. Today I'll Be Happy

A/n: Last one. Massive thanks to the pack for being involved in this project, byakuyakuchiki for crossposting to ao3 and saving me a LOT of time. Please go review their works; they're all awesome and I am very proud of them. Thankyou so much for being a a part of this verse either by reading, reviewing, co-authoring, crossposting, etc. It's been a journey. But it's been a wonderful decade. Thanks for making it amazing. You're all gems and I do not deserve you. Much love, stay awesome. I hope you enjoy this final instalment.

Summary: After the war, Aizen and Gin settle into a new life together.

Timeline: Last of Heir/phase 4 bleeding well into phase 5. Aka: What I want the end of Heir to look like.

Notes: waffly fluff with mentions of nightmares, depression and ptsd. A cross reference I think a lot of people will enjoy if they've read the beginning. Inspired by a review and talk with Sal when I posted 'Home'. The semicolon near the end exists for purely personal reasons.

Written to: Dream and Hello Again by Circus-P.

* * *

_"With a busted up database,_

_I'm losing the chase._

_But I'll say 'hello' again, 'hello'  
And turn and face the sun."_

_Circus-p [Hello, Again]_

_._

_When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person that walked in. That's what the storm is all about._

_\- Haruki Murakami_

**Today I'll Be Happy**

The alarm clock beeped at its usual time of 6am, and grumbling Sousuke rolled over and sleepily rolled over to turn it off the noise. Once quiet reigned again, he sighed and rolled over, putting an arm around his sleeping Gin's waist and snuggling into his lover's back. Today was saturday. Why get up and out of bed if he didn't have to? So he closed his eyes again and let his body sink back into the blissfulness of sleep.

. . .

He woke up naturally a couple of hours later. His lifelong habit of rising early refusing to lay down and die. He blinked his eyes open only to find Gin was already awake and watching him.

"Hey," he smiled softly.

"Hey," Gin answered, smiling serenely back at him. "No nightmares?"

Sousuke had to think for a moment. The nightmares had been a regular occurrence for most of his life – even after leaving Las Noches – even though the war was over and they were both safe now. Living new lives in a new place, starting afresh. But he quickly realised this had been one of the first nights he'd slept all the way through.

"No nightmares," he answered, smiling. Of course, he knew the nightmares would never vanish completely – how could they after he'd seen so much darkness? But last night was a good step forward.

Gin's smile grew tender as he leaned close to give him a kiss. "Hm. Good." he said, kissing his partner softly.

"Its a start." Sousuke said.

Gin smiled in agreement. "Yes, it is," he said, and kissed him again.

Their son wouldn't be awake for a little while yet. There was still time for another quick round. Gin must have been reading his mind because his kiss deepened and he rolled them over so he was laying on top of him. Grinding their hips together and slipping a hand between his legs as Sousuke spread his thighs and let Gin make love to him.

. . .

later that morning Sousuke was making three of them breakfast, already washed and dressed. Frying them all up some bacon and eggs and humming happily. Feeling completely at ease for the first time in... a long time. _Yes,_ he thought. _Today I'll be happy._

He smiled as he laid the fried eggs onto the plates with the spatula. How many times had he told himself that over the last century? How many times had he repeated that mantra to himself in the hope that it would be true? Because there was simply too much darkness inside him warring with the light in his life – and usually winning over it.

Many. Far too many. But some days it was the only way to get through. He had a good feeling about today, though. A very good feeling. Of course there were still bad days – sometimes very bad days, when even getting out of bed was difficult. And he was absolutely terrified his happiness would be snatched away. There were still the nightmares. The very last echoes of self doubt and the hellish voice in his skull as he adjusted to life without it. As it faded away. There would always be the mental scars he carried around. But the good days outnumbered the bad ones. And there were his living, breathing reminders that living on was worth it. That surviving the last century of his life was worth it.

He dished up the rest of his family's breakfast and carried the plates to the table. _They should be down soon, _he thought.

Right on cue he heard the thudding of little paws coming down the stairs, followed by excited yipping, and the voice of his lovely gin ushering their boy down for breakfast.

"But I was almost done with level five-" their son pleaded.

"I dun' care." Gin said sternly. "s'time fer breakfast."

Aizen smiled to himself and shook his head. _Kids and their games..._

Kyouka Suigetsu snorted, giggling. _Well they say the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, _she teased.

_Shut up,_ he retorted. Though there was no real heat behind it

Sousuke watched his family come in and sit at the table in their usual places, and set a plate of toast on the table. Immediately their boy reached for it.

"Ah, did you wash your hands?" Aizen asked.

Blue eyes met his fathers and he froze mid reach. "no..."

"Go wash them before touching the food." Sousuke told him.

"But you-"

"No but's Erik, go wash your hands."

Erik withdrew his hand and got up. Sighing in annoyance and trudging over to the sink to wash his hands.

"And use soap."

"Yes dad," came the snarky reply.

Sousuke just shared an exasperated look with Gin as if to say 'kids today...'

Gin just snickered quietly. "Hey he's your son too," he said, grinning wide. "Dun look a me."

Sousuke just shook his head and cut up his saussage. "So he doesn't get his mischievous streak from _you?"_

"Nah, he's just stubborn. Like _you." _gin sasses back. "Swear stubborness runs in the blood."

Sousuke wasn't impressed. "Yes, and who else at this table is a stubborn mule? Hmm?" he smiled.

Kyouka just sighed and told him Gin had a valid point. He chose not to even dignify that with a comment.

It was true though. The amalgamation of their DNA through Szayel's work could have been Aizen Sousuke in miniature. Except for his eyes. Gin insisted he have blue eyes when they designed him. Sousuke had fought him on it, insisted that their boy have Gin's lovely red eyes – but Gin came back with the argument that he might get made fun of, so he'd conceded. Gin knew what it was like to be made fun of for being different.

But Sousuke made sure there were bits of his Gin in there, too. His hands. His build. The shape of his face. His soft heartedness. All his best qualities.

When Erik trudged back over and sat down again, he took a bit of toast and took a large bite out of it._ Just like Gin with his food... _Sousuke shook his head at the pair of them.

"What?" Erik and gin asked, mouths crammed full of toast and bacon respectively.

Sousuke just smiled. Yes. This was what he'd wished for. A normal, safe, boring life. A happy life. The life he'd wanted for as long as he could remember. "Nothing," he answered quietly. "Just finish your food."

Gin opened his mouth to speak, but just then the kettle finished boiling and Sousuke asked, "Tea?"

"Please," Gin answered.

. . .

Two cups of tea later, the breakfast dishes had been cleaned and put away, and the three of them found themselves in the garden. Enjoying the sunny spring weather. Gin was showing Erik how to plant bulbs at just the right depth to facilitate growth while giving some protection from the elements. And teaching him how to tend the garden. Leaving Sousuke to his crossword as he relaxed on the grass. He was glad some of their shared knowledge of plants was being passed onto their son. Happy too, that Erik seemed to have a keen interest in learning.

He smiled at the pair of them, trowels in hand, dirt covered fingers. They'd make a gardener out of Erik yet. Maybe even teach him the language of flowers... he'd talk to Gin about that tonight.

He sighed, perfectly content as he surveyed their garden. Of course it wasn't the garden he'd had back in the soul society. No-one, not even he, could recreate that. That garden had been the sum of decades of work. It was the same with the house. He'd brought this house a long time ago, as a safehouse for Gin if things went belly up. A place in the quiet countryside though not too far from town. He'd opened up a human world bank account too and stashed a load of his money in it – enough to start a new life with. Just in case. Of course the place had none of all their old things – those were still in their old home gathering dust, and what little they did bring was all that Gin could carry from Las Noches. He knew some of their stuff was still there, though he couldn't bring himself to go back.

So they started over with practically nothing.

But they'd done their best to make this house a home. And they'd done it together.

And when the spring finally came after that awful winter, the first thing they planted in their new garden were daffodils. New beginnings, in the language of flowers. Their language.

He smiled fondly at the memory. Erik was only a baby then. And the horrors of the war were still fresh. But they had hope, and love, and each other. And wasn't that all that mattered, really?

Of course, things would never be the same as before. Because they'd been through so much, and were changed men because of it. Because they were different people now, with shifted priorities. Because time was a river that waited for no man. And everything was transient – even who they were. So no, there was no going back. He'd known that ever since they'd stepped onto the bone white sands of Huecco Mundo. The place of horrible nightmares.

What was that quote? _When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person that walked in. That's what the storm is all about._

But things were better now. So much better than he ever could have hoped for. Although there were still some nights he laid awake, afraid this life was all just a dream he'd conjured up locked away with the bodies in central 46. Still nights when gin woke up terrified he'd forget again, or still seeing his lover's corpse butchered on the wall. Still nights when Gin was crying and so, so afraid of losing him again.

Still nights when Sousuke woke up screaming for gin to run, because he thought the voice was back. Still nights when fear and terror reigned over them.

But they comforted each other. And held each other through those awful hellish nights. And sometimes even the awful mornings when it felt like the sun would never shine again, particularly after Gin cried in his arms after one particularly terrifying nightmare. His Moon had clung onto him for grim death that morning.

Gin hadn't said a word about what the bad dream was, but he could guess.

_We've survived all of our worst days so far, _he'd told Gin afterwards_. We can learn to survive a few more._

Gin had nodded, squeezing his hand. _Then we'll survive em together._

_Always?_ He'd smiled. It was something of an inside joke now, like the unintended marriage proposal with the saffron because of Gin misinterpreting the flower meaning.

Gin smiled back, ever his mirror._ Always._

_. . ._

In the days, they learned to keep busy. Easy to do when you have a child to look after and money to earn. Sousuke went back to teaching and got himself a job at a local university, giving lectures on classic literature. Gin stayed at home to look after Erik. And, of all things, to write. He wrote stories – mostly to keep Erik entertained. But he'd found it quite cathartic to write about their lives.

Sousuke only encouraged this. Gin always did have a knack for stories, even though Gin insisted Aizen was the storyteller. But Sousuke reasoned that well, if Gin could keep up with his game in the beginning of their relationship then he could plot out anything. No matter how complicated.

And when Gin's first book came out – under a pen name, naturally – he'd been very moved when he opened the front cover and found it dedicated to him.

Of course, his Gin wasn't famous yet. But Sousuke was confident he would be.

Time had passed like that for a while. Sousuke teaching. Gin writing. Both raising Erik. And slowly, with many lost days, they came back to life again.

Of course Gin missed his old life. Missed Rangiku... and through he knew they could never go back to the soul society, Sousuke promised him that one day they'd see her again. Tell her the whole story. Et her see her godson. But when the time was right. They were still recovering from the atrocities of the war, after all. But one day, maybe soon, they'd see her again.

The sound of happy little fox yips drew him out of his thoughts and back into the present. Sousuke looked up from his crossword to see cherry running around with a trowel in her mouth, and Tsuku 'helping' to dig holes for the bulbs. He smiled and shook his head. Some things never change.

Gin was just telling off Tsuku for digging up the bulbs they'd just planted. The fox looking at them feigning innocence and confusion. Cocking his head as if asking _'Who? Me? I didn't dig up the bulbs.'_

Meanwhile Erik chased Cherry, trying to reclaim his stolen trowel. Sousuke shook his head at their antics. _At least the tulips escaped_, he thought.

_Huh. That gives me an idea..._

He set down his crossword book and got up, took the pruning shears from the patio table, and walked over to the flower bed in search of the perfect bloom. Once he found it, he cut it, studied it for a moment to ascertain its perfection, and smiled.

_Do you think he'll remember?_

_Do you always ask such stupid questions?_ Kyouka answered.

He had to smile at that. _Old habits,_ he replied. _They die slowly._

He lifted his gaze to Gin, who had managed to reclaim the trowel off Cherry and was currently digging a hole for the rest of the bulbs. _But then, some things won't change._

He approached Gin slowly – he didn't want to make the man jump out of his skin – and stood behind him. Sousuke gently placed a hand on Gin's shoulder, so the younger man looked up at him as he leant over, offering the flower to him.

"For you," Sousuke said. Smiling as Gin flushed pink and took the red tulip. Their fingers lightly brushing as the flower changed hands. And with the look on Gin's face it may as well have been eighty – ninety – years ago. In another garden...

"Oh, thankyou!" Gin said softly, making the image flicker back to the present day again. "Oh, um," Gin gasped, quickly looking around him for a reply. He reached out and grabbed the nearest ones; heliotrope and daffodils. Together in the flower language: 'I devote myself to starting a new life with you.'

Sousuke laughed and smiled brightly at his Gin as he took his reply. Because that answer was perfect. And so much better than the last one. _Not that there would be any lavender to answer with, we agreed that plant won't be coming anywhere near our garden._

He embraced Gin with his free arm and kissed him on the cheek. _Yes, this is perfect. You're perfect._ "Thankyou, they're beautiful. Just like you."

Gin blushed a deeper shade of pink and Sousuke chuckled. But at least he wasn't accused of shameless flattery this time. Maybe Gin had finally accepted he was telling the truth.

_Yes,_ Sousuke thought again. _Today's a good day; Today I'll be happy._

He let his arm pull Gin close as they sat on the grass, watching their son playing about with Cherry and Tsuku. With Gin leaning against him, filling his whole body with warmth. Melting the last of the ice inside him.

_Because I'm with you and-_

_well, the rest doesn't matter._

* * *

end a/n:  
"Thankyou for reading!  
"To the readers: if you liked a chapter please PLEASE leave a comment on that particular chapter. I would like my Co's to get feedback. Please check out their individual works too and do stick around for more Krakenverse updates. The series is far from over :)  
To everyone who worked with me on this: I am feeling all the things. Thankyou so much for being a part of this. Ya'll were joys to proxy. I am so proud of you. I'm going to go now before I get [even more] emotional. Good night.


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